Aerendyl: D&D.
DM: Chat, we’re here for D&D.
Yinlare: DD&D.
DM: Come back.
Yinlare: DD&D.
DM: We’re starting super late, although it’s actually not that late because it’s about the regular starting time for the other group, so. Yeah, but I wasn’t, so.
Aerendyl: Yeah, but we’re not the other group.
Yinlare: It’s fine.
Yinlare: We’ll have a longer session tonight to make up for it.
Aerendyl: We were actually here on time. Well, maybe you’re just a bad Dungeon Master. I’m sorry. No, because I’m wrong. But I wanna play D&D. On sidebar. Yeah, but are you a bad D&D? I guess we won’t play D&D. PayPal me $20 or Venmo.
Yinlare: It worked.
DM: You know what?
Yinlare: No, no, no, no.
DM: Say it again.
Yinlare: Dragon sidebar.
Yinlare: Yeah, you’re a bad DM.
DM: Yeah, I can’t hear this because of the sidebar, so.
Yinlare: Guess we’re not playing DD&D. Dragon, we can hold it over him.
Yinlare: He wants to play DD&D.
Yinlare: The game world is shutting down. Butter just dropped a nuclear warhead on the world. Oh, Butter, very important question. How long do you think it took D.W.A.G.E.N. to do his torture shit?
Aerendyl: No, the game is shutting down!
Aerendyl: No, I was joking!
DM: I just believe it.
Aerendyl: Um, what’s the administrator access?
Aerendyl: I need it.
Aerendyl: I need to play D&D.
Aerendyl: He nuked everything. D&D is over.
DM: It’s just gone.
DM: Very important answer. Um.
Aerendyl: How long?
Yinlare: Four hours?
DM: Oh, in game.
Aerendyl: How long was I torturing that poor man? That not poor man.
Yinlare: Four hours?
Yinlare: Yeah, in game.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
DM: Uh, uh, yeah, that’s six.
Yinlare: Four hours?
Yinlare: Four hours?
DM: For six hours.
DM: Yeah.
Aerendyl: It was, it was not midnight. It was, it was like nine.
Yinlare: All right, that works perfectly.
Yinlare: So that- wait, we went there at what?
DM: It was dark out, so it was like 9 30. I believe that I’m was ish. I’m pretty sure you’re autistic, Batman. Oh, my gosh.
Yinlare: Was it like eight?
Yinlare: We went there?
Yinlare: Was it like midnight?
Yinlare: Okay, so it’s like 1230. If she runs an inn, she has to be there all night. So we go back there at Noggin, and we get our rooms that we paid for, and we- are you- are we giving her the bloody, like, ring?
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: I don’t know if I should give her the bloody drink but I’ll give her like a year safe wink when I get there. She thinks you’re retarded.
Yinlare: Is that what we agreed to?
Yinlare: I mean, I’m happy to do it, because she actually respects you. She just thinks I’m- She thinks I’m like autistic Batman.
Yinlare: I’m pretty sure that’s what we discussed last session.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Yinlare: Let me just give her the ring and then you can kind of give her the, I took care of you babe, Link.
Aerendyl: Uh, not babe wink, I’m married. I’m a man of the cloth. And by the cloth I mean my sword. Oh, you’re just gonna walk into the room as I finish the job already? Oh no, it’s surprisingly clean! You just see me tidying up the forge? I just turn around, oh hey! Hey, you’re finally awake!
Yinlare: Not yet.
Yinlare: Not yet. Okay, then I guess if it’s four hours, I’m waking up. I’ve gotten my long rest in. There’s just blood splayed across the walls. Yeah, I’m just gonna walk in just kind of.
Yinlare: All right, then.
Yinlare: It’s got like the tiny little like made apron on in the front little wooden broom like sweeping up fingers and toes from the ground type of shit. I take it you were successful in your endeavor. Do you have any mark, any maybe a ring or something that we can give to her to provide a woof?
DM: Oh, my gosh.
Aerendyl: No!
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Oh yeah, I got the ring into my pocket, but in my other bag of holding I have him. I just dumped the corpse? Well, the pieces? I don’t think she’ll trust you. I think she thinks you’re kinda like…
Yinlare: Well I guess we can, actually if we’re going to the guards we could just dump it there. We won’t need, yeah like, it’s worse that could happen. It works for me. Do you want to give her the ring or do you want me to give the ring? Rude to an extent, but she does have a respect for you, and I don’t want to ruin that respect by, you know, bloody… I don’t think that happened.
DM: Oh, my gosh.
Aerendyl: retarded.
Aerendyl: Um, well, I was talking to her and I was like, hey, do you want him dead? And she goes, no, but she winked. DM, did that happen? Um, history, history, history.
DM: Oh, my gosh.
Yinlare: I don’t think she, she gave you this, I don’t, I do not think she gave you the, the go green wink.
DM: Thank you.
Yinlare: I think you used your last one.
Aerendyl: Oh, oh, oh, shit.
Aerendyl: Uh, do I have that? Do I still have those or do I need, I don’t have those anymore. I’m gonna use my last lucky day. I’m so glad I used my lucky. Um, that is a 25. No, sorry. 26.
DM: Thank you
DM: very much. Thank you.
DM: you Thank you very much.
DM: With a 25. Oh, well that 26 makes a big difference. With a 26, you are 100% sure. She never once winked or in any other non-verbal way indicated that she was okay or encouraging you to kill her husband.
Aerendyl: Oh, yeah.
Yinlare: Well, I certainly.
Aerendyl: I’m pretty sure she winked.
DM: You know what?
Aerendyl: Oh, no, butter.
DM: Just to make sure that maybe the DM himself is wrong.
DM: Let me look.
Aerendyl: I said that in character.
Aerendyl: You’re right.
Aerendyl: She did not wink.
DM: I have it here. The only person who winked was Yinlare.
Aerendyl: I’m pretty sure somebody winked. I’m pretty sure it was her. I mean, legally speaking, she did hire us.
DM: You winked at her.
Yinlare: Hey man, she hired mercenaries.
DM: You guys are both winking as you left.
Yinlare: She knows what she got herself into.
Yinlare: It was real.
DM: Oh, yeah.
Yinlare: It was charity work.
Aerendyl: Yes.
Yinlare: I’ve got some old debts that need to be paid. Let’s just go and do for the rings. We can get paid and get moving. This was a necessary divergence, but definitely needs to not affect our time.
Aerendyl: I drilled into his bones.
DM: That’s a bit much.
Aerendyl: Yes.
Aerendyl: Yeah, I need to sleep. I feel like I’m all out of luck.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
DM: OK, are you going to look around while you do that, you know, maybe check out the surroundings at all or.
Aerendyl: I’ll give it to her.
Yinlare: I mean, I will, cause I’d be, I would, I mean, butter automatically, you know, as much as I play my character very chaotic, good. I’m not, I’m a mercenary. I’m going to look for anything of value, anything of value, anything that looks remotely interesting, magical, et cetera.
Aerendyl: I’ll talk to her.
Aerendyl: It’s fine.
Aerendyl: I’ll settle things.
Aerendyl: It’ll be fine.
Aerendyl: Um, I just everywhere that I touch my fingerprints, I’m just gonna like wipe them down on my cloth. Well, I would have looked at the forge and seen like what he was making. Um, and butter.
DM: OK.
DM: OK, in that case, you almost certainly would have kind of like checked.
Yinlare: No role.
DM: Huh?
Yinlare: No role.
DM: No, this would not be something to roll for. I will let you roll for a second to find other stuff, but I wanted to go and say this. While investigating, you almost certainly would have looked behind the counter, because that’s probably the first place you would have looked, in which you found a notebook, well, less notebook, more medieval spreadsheet of basically his how much money he has, and you see that he is in a lot of debt. Like, we’re talking a couple hundred thousand gold pieces. Uh, right at the top, it says that he owes 112,000 gold to a guy that he calls Ralph.
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: All right.
Yinlare: This is a plot item that you need to come to one of us.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Yinlare: Sure.
Yinlare: Okay, go ahead. How much debt?
Aerendyl: Hmm.
Yinlare: Oh, okay.
Aerendyl: Hmm.
Yinlare: A couple hundred thousand gold pieces. Number one, who does he own the most? Who does he owe the most to? Ralph.
Aerendyl: Um, hey butter. Looking at this book, does it look like there’s his handwriting? Investigation, that’s a ten. That’s a five. That is a good question. Does it match? It matches? Okay, in there, I have an idea. Luckily, I kept his head intact. Actually, it’s in half. I might just take you up on an offer, but I’m worried about the debt going to them. So I say we forge up some divorce documents and use the handwriting.
DM: Yes, sir.
Yinlare: I’m going to go on a side quest, I guess.
DM: Good question.
DM: Roll investigation for me. Okay. Actually, also roll perception, because it’s not like you’ve seen him writing, so you’re going to have to piece things together. Most of it is yes. There are bits and pieces that are written by another handwriting. Yes, yes there is. He also has what appears to be a book that basically lists out the bill of sale, all that fun stuff, and yes for them. Yeah, they seem to match pretty well. It is about 112,000.
Yinlare: Butter, is there any…
Yinlare: Sorry, I’m sorry.
Yinlare: Was it all in the same handwriting? Is the book all in the same handwriting? Okay. Oh, is there like a… Dragon, Dragon, you looked at the Forge, is there like a log book, like a orders book for like people he’s taken orders from that he maybe writes down, we can see if it’s in parallel?
Yinlare: Yeah, that’s basically empty.
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: I’m waiting with you, if little side tangents if you would to trust me. I can go make this quick.
Yinlare: If you were to give me the body I can go and maybe reclaim some of his due debt and, you know, just mime like putting my hands together like just stick together to be recognized. And if you want me to go on can definitely handle myself if you want to go ahead and return the return the knowledge to her and take a rest.
Yinlare: I’m fully stocked myself.
Yinlare: I mean, that’s we certainly could the problem with divorce documents is we’re going to need her to sign it as well. If you’d like to take a look at this, I’m sure she’ll link it to you and I’m sure she’ll take it quite nice. Make sure the daughter’s not in the room. I don’t think that’s something that needs to be found out.
Aerendyl: True, yes.
Aerendyl: I think that’ll be easy, she winked at me.
Aerendyl: Yes, true.
Yinlare: Um, um, my God, you said it was like a hundred thousand, like it was, you said it wasn’t like multiple hundreds of thousands, right?
Aerendyl: Full name, location, where they live.
Yinlare: Or is it?
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: Well, I’m going to go, I’m going to go handle the majority of the debt. Um, is there, please tell me there’s any other information here? It doesn’t just say like Ralph and then do like maybe a last name, an address.
DM: No, no.
DM: It’s a full name, location, address, how much he owes, what he owes, why he has this. It’s a full ledger. Under reason, he just has miscellaneous expenses. I’m sorry, what is happening right now? Oh, these potty parts, of course. How can I be so foolish? As the, as you weren’t really given an address. Fortunately, as you read through the how much he owes, he owes a good $20,000 to his parents as well. So you do know basically where it is and it would take maybe about an hour on foot to get there. Uh, roughly the same distance as it would take to get to the um, to the end. Yeah, pretty much. You guys are currently over, yeah, you guys are over here currently. The inn that you guys were at is this building here, where your going is right down here.
Aerendyl: Damn!
Yinlare: My God.
Yinlare: Oh, what’s the reason? I’m going to fucking hurt this guy. Oh, you took care of that. Do I have the random assortment of Halloween decorations in your bag? Well, I’ll go kind of take the ledger book and kind of, I guess, top number one address could do debts for miscellaneous. Is there something I can do tonight? Okay, I can, I can handle that I can handle the majority of this throughout the course of the night because I’m able to. I mean, it’s your cold wagon, I think you should probably go rest and refund some of your ship but I can. How far away is the guy who I was the most the hundred and 12K Ralph, how far away is he? Are they in the same direction?
Aerendyl: No!
Aerendyl: Nate, you see as I just, I hold this bag of holding and then I put my hand on your shoulder like that meme and I just give you a big grin. And I’m just like, take it. I give him the bag of holding with the body parts of him.
Aerendyl: Yeah!
Aerendyl: Watch out for the little, the little thing. It’s dangerous. Also, since you’re handling debts and shit, if you want to, you can go to the farm where his family is and threaten them. How far are they away from the shop, Bubby?
Aerendyl: Oh.
Aerendyl: Oh.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: And as long as you think you can handle this, I will, I’ll go talk to her. I’ll rest up. And we’ll meet back up.
Aerendyl: So.
Yinlare: Oh, thank God.
Aerendyl: So what the.
Yinlare: I’m down here.
Aerendyl: Hmm.
Yinlare: Oh, OK, so if they’re right next to each other too, then I can handle that.
Aerendyl: So is the plan for, so he owed them a lot of money. Are you just gonna go up to them and like threaten them?
DM: More or less.
Yinlare: OK.
Yinlare: The 112K guy, I’m probably not going to threaten it first. I’m going to threaten, or I’m gonna like, hey, this is your dead guy. I kind of paid off, you know, I paid off his debts to you. He’s no longer living. Let’s see if I can get a cut of that. And then as far as the family goes, probably just, you know, a couple of airish warning shots, and I’m sure they’ll pay up a good fucking pretty penny. Because I would like to get, and I guess, compounded with the money we’re getting from the, what’s it called, from the bounties, we should have a couple thousand. If not, like, I’m thinking, the bounties alone should be at least a thousand.
Aerendyl: All right.
Aerendyl: The bounties.
DM: Okay.
Aerendyl: For lucky.
Yinlare: Minimum.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Yinlare: Because there were several that were a couple hundred. Then as far as these two go, I’m not going to know until I get there. My goal is to try and secure some kind of transport that’s damn near instant. I don’t want to take another multiple day travel, which is why I’m trying to gather up as much funds as possible. Oh, well, he’s doing that better, can I go and make that perception check to see if I see anything else of value?
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Um, before we leave this place butter, I’m gonna go to that floorboard he was talking about. I’m gonna rip up the treasures he had hidden.
DM: Yes, please do. That floorboard, as you rip it up, inside there is a single dagger.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: No gold?
Yinlare: Oh, magic, maybe.
DM: Nope.
Aerendyl: He fucking lied!
Yinlare: Uh, butter precision perception investigation.
Aerendyl: I’m glad I killed him. How good does…
DM: Uh, it’s investigation, sorry.
Yinlare: Not yet.
Aerendyl: from a…
Aerendyl: from a craftsman’s perspective, how good does this dagger look? I want to inspect it. I want to see why he hit it.
Yinlare: Man, butter, man, that hurts my role a lot. It’s only 21.
DM: Okay.
DM: Okay, first of all.
DM: Okay. Um, as far as, um, the craftsmanship of the thing, it’s, it’s okay. It’s nothing necessarily to write home about, but it’s definitely the nicest thing in his shop. Um, you know, at least not as far as you can tell, if you would like to maybe.
Yinlare: Is it magical?
Yinlare: Yeah.
Yinlare: I’m still looking for shit.
DM: Okay.
DM: Now, with your investigation check, you of course search, you know, lift up the rug and everything. However, you do find in the back room, there’s another wooden plank that isn’t completely bolted to the floor. And it feels like there’s some give.
Yinlare: Rack.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Of course.
DM: As you completely and utterly probably destroy the thing blocking you from accessing, you know, whatever’s inside. The wood completely shatters as it doesn’t necessarily look like it’s been opened in a long while.
Yinlare: I open it.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Inside, he has a bag.
DM: What looks like a coin pouch. He has 400 gold coins in there.
Yinlare: Yeah, buddy. All right, so we’re starting to stock up on the gold. In that case, I’ll kind of take the coins pouch and I’ll walk over to drag and hit him 200 of the 400. So yeah, I’ll give him the 200, I’ll split it and then I’ll kind of, depending on how much I get from these two endeavors, I’ll bring back more fame.
Aerendyl: So he lied, lied.
DM: He has 400 gold coins in there.
Aerendyl: Yeah, we are. Was it exactly 400?
DM: It was exactly 400, so he probably counted it out for whatever reason. Because you’re, like, you’re doing like… Yeah, and I’ll let you decide which one you want to do. Each one will have different effects depending on which one you roll. You can. For what purpose? Not even worth it, I’m going to be honest. Yeah, I’m sure you will.
Aerendyl: I’m starting to like this trip more and more.
Yinlare: Getting better and better by the day.
Aerendyl: Exactly.
Aerendyl: How does the dagger look? What role do I have to do? I’m trying to see if it’s special, so do I have to be like arcana or just investigation? Can I do two roles? One for arcana and one for investigation?
Yinlare: I can’t Also, he’s doing that.
Aerendyl: Piers.
Yinlare: I have quite a bit of a journey. So I’m going to go ahead and head out. I wish you the best of luck in your journeys. Stay safe as much as you can be.
Aerendyl: Yes?
Yinlare: And I’m going to kind of throw my hood up. And I’m going to activate my glamour weave to just kind of if it’s dark, I just kind of want to make the shadows around me maybe seem a little bit deeper and just kind of book it as far as fast as I can towards the towards the first address.
Yinlare: Need a stealth check?
Aerendyl: 28.
Yinlare: I mean, I’ve got a passive stealth of 20. I’m sure I can roll higher than that.
Yinlare: I want to see what it would have been just in case.
Aerendyl: 28.
Yinlare: No, only 27. Yeah, I guess better if there was a time I needed to roll stealth. I’ll just, you know, hang with the 27. Natural one still would have been a little fucking… No, I can’t roll a natural one. Well, chances of me rolling a natural one. I roll with advantage and remember if I can… Oh, wait, no, I roll an extra d20 because of fucking elven accuracy.
Aerendyl: Fuck me.
Aerendyl: Natural one.
Aerendyl: Plus 26.
Aerendyl: My fucking gosh. Anyways, so there’s roles. 14 for Arcana, 18 for investigation. I will put the dagger in my normal bag of folding. And I will just keep a mental note to let Flux read it. Oh, true, yeah, true. Alright, if he’s gone, I’m gonna do one more sweep around to see if there’s any materials that I can just put into my bag of folding for smithing and forging. I’ll grab those up and leave. I’ll just grab whatever scraps are left, just the base scraps and leave. And I’m going back to the end.
DM: Yeah.
Yinlare: I roll three d20s on advantage.
Yinlare: Oh, it was a d12.
Yinlare: It was a d12.
Yinlare: It doesn’t…
Yinlare: It was a 12, so I’m going to stick with myself.
DM: Okay.
Yinlare: I can, there’s a reason we’re putting this character grounds.
DM: Yes, what did you get?
DM: Okay.
Yinlare: Thank you.
DM: You are pretty darn positive that it is not magical. And you are pretty positive that it’s not that great of a dagger. However, it does have something carved in at the base of the dagger. It’s in very small print, and you can’t seem to read it.
Yinlare: Do I can see if she recognizes the wife. Yeah, I’m not at first address.
DM: Okay.
DM: Alright.
DM: I mean, there are some just miscellaneous like bits of metal and such, but everything that he didn’t seem to have very much just free inventory on hand except for stuff that’s already been made into stuff. So unless you want to spend time trying to like turn it back into metal. Alright, now go ahead and put that into your character sheet.
DM: Alright.
DM: Alright.
DM: Well, Nathaniel, you arrive at the at the supposed location of Monsieur Ralph. Actually, no, for Ralph and Ralph only there is no last name. Um, but whenever you arrive you realize that something must be off as it is a warehouse instead of a shop or anything Yes, they have a main what appears to be like a main entrance that is very wide, maybe about 15 feet-ish and 15 feet wide. There’s a window off to the side that you could look in, maybe there’s another door When you look into the window, the place looks about what you’d expect for a warehouse They have rows of items, miscellaneous things However, there are many people inside and they don’t seem to be your average warehouse worker They look more like thugs or criminals You do see a side door It’s not, like, loud. They’re not partying or anything. In fact, a lot of them looked very tired. They appeared to be probably a night watch, if you were to assume, as they’re all just kind of standing around. They’re well-armed, but they’re all just, you know, not really, you know, there’s an occasional, you know, hey, how you doing? Just trying to make small talk, but nothing of importance. It does feel like yes. Um, not really They are There’s what appears to be a half-orc And he’s kind of saying semi-close, but he doesn’t say look like he’s in charge. He just looks like another Hang on Oh, yeah, yeah, he just looks like another criminal You You’re gonna do that to where sorry, oh, yeah, yeah Okay Shortly after you do that and you hear some people moving around inside a bit of arguing over who’s gonna come get the door Yeah. I think you can do that, yeah. Shortly after a couple seconds of their arguing, you hear a female voice calling from inside the door.
Yinlare: Yes.
Yinlare: Yes.
Aerendyl: Thank you.
Yinlare: Mr. Ralph. Sir, last name.
Yinlare: Okay, odd, but okay.
Yinlare: Sure.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Yinlare: I mean, not necessarily off if he owns money to a company, then that would make sense.
Aerendyl: Thank you.
Yinlare: I guess.
Yinlare: Is there a door? Is there, like, a large, like, metal sliding door type of shit?
Yinlare: What are we looking at here?
Yinlare: I’ll go look in the window.
Yinlare: Okay, fire, I guess. Is there do I see a side door? Or is there just? Okay, um, butter, do I guess? Is it like, loud, like, you know, party event? Everyone’s talking? Can I grasp any little bits of conversation from the window or even from the door if I go to the door? I’ll make a check. Is there any other not there’s no conversation going on at all. Okay Right, um In that case I guess we’ll go ahead and You said there was another door Quick little like Like two finger tests, is it locked? Can I just kind of Okay Shit, how do I go about doing this, um Okay, I’m going to go back to the window real quick. Looking through the window, anybody that appears to be big big man on campus, like very, you know, like the big beefy guy who kind of runs everything. Anything that kind of holds to that. Um, he just looks like another like, just another criminal. All right, well, I guess we’ll go back to the, the like backdoor and just kind of take, you know, giant metal staff and just kind of boom, boom, boom, knock on the back, I assume there was like a backdoor, like a like it’s a warehouse like metal like a backdoor like just kind of kind of wrap on it with my staff.
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: Okay, well, this is gonna happen. Can I any way that I can maybe warp my glamour weave a little bit to more match, like, any way that I can, like, even if it’s very little to make my kind of because I’ve, I’m a mercenary, I have mercenary gear, but my mercenary gear is relatively high quality elf. Is there any way I can make it look more like there’s no way to explain it a little bit?
Aerendyl: Thank you.
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: I’ll just kind of do that. Look, I just overslept. I’m sorry. I met up with another one of your, I assume another one of your associates the other night.
DM: Who’s there?
Aerendyl: Thank you.
DM: Ralph, are you a blacksmith perchance? Wait there. You hear her kind of walk away and they are discussing things on the other side of the door.
Yinlare: You wouldn’t tell me his name.
Yinlare: Just told me to come here at nighttime and meet up with Ralph. No, I’m not. I believe the blacksmith was who sent me here.
Yinlare: Kind of a bit of a dirty man.
Yinlare: No worries.
Aerendyl: Thank you.
Yinlare: Raining.
Yinlare: Do I get any bit of it?
DM: Eventually…
DM: Roll… We’ll go perception for that, please. You can kind of hear bits and pieces, not the whole conversation. Most parts that you can hear are from what appears to probably be the half-orc speaking because he can’t seem to control his volume but you hear him say what is it too early for him to be paying?
Aerendyl: Let’s jump him guys.
Yinlare: Let’s jump in, without worry.
Aerendyl: We’re gonna fuck him up.
Aerendyl: Oi!
Aerendyl: Oi!
Yinlare: Uhh, talking about Brian.
Aerendyl: It’s Tuesday.
Aerendyl: Let’s fuck him up and go deadly at the pub, yeah?
Yinlare: Umm, Perception 17. Umm, Mr. Chunga Chunga I guess just like I’m bracing myself for this door to blow up and just get jumped but like, I’m more just bracing here.
Aerendyl: Boga chunga chunga. I love the retarded work sound.
DM: not due for another week isn’t it?
DM: he’s never paid a little bit more and other such whispers I know it’s so fan After a couple seconds you hear a door open and slam-shot. Maybe going to another room or something, you’re not entirely sure. About a minute later, did you want to do anything comes back and says, do you have the payment? I’m sorry, are you looking for a job? She kind of opens the door just, just a little bit to kind of like see through it because there’s not, there’s not a peephole, essentially, yeah. Um, are you going to do anything when she does this?
Aerendyl: Right?
Aerendyl: Isn’t it next week?
Aerendyl: He just starts scratching his bald head.
Yinlare: Sorry, I wasn’t necessarily familiar with the nature of this. I’m from out of town. I came here looking for sort of the not legalist of persuasion of work and I was directed here. Like I said, I don’t know who’s… I don’t know what his name was. I know he was some sort of… I assume a blacksmith based on your…
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Yes.
Yinlare: I’m looking for a way to make money the only way I know how.
Yinlare: And I’ll kind of like pull my other staff off a little bit, the one that’s all notched of all my kills.
Yinlare: Right.
Yinlare: It’s like the old like hotel like chain across the door kind of like, right. I’m like very much just like, I’m trying to put off the like, I’m putting off the like example of like I’m just here. This is what I was sent here kind of like vibe.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Gotcha.
DM: Uh, she just kind of looks you up and down and says, oh, I’m sorry. Whenever she does this, you can see that she is a tiefling, um, a blue tiefling, if that matters. Um, and she, as she says, a mercenary, why would he send a mercenary here? She says, give me one second. I have to confer with the others. As she closes the door and retreats some more. Uh, I’m I would say role perception, but now that she knows that you’re a mercenary, it appears that she’s either taking extra precautions or she herself is going to another back room as you hear a door open and her walk through you would assume before the door closes. After about a minute, another minute, because we love minutes, you hear somebody walking towards the door, but their walking pattern seems very different as the door kind of opens and you see a dragonborn. A mercenary? Are you here to work off his debt?
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: No worries at all.
Aerendyl: Tiefling baddie. It’s too early for disguise.
Yinlare: We strain again for any information. Let’s jump in boys fucking You not understand that she’s gonna like die if the door does not open and I’m walking through it. I don’t think she gets it. I think I’m too nice.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: That’s fine.
Yinlare: I’ll wait.
Yinlare: Ram my fucking like hard just stick the staff in the ground and just lean against it type of shit.
Yinlare: Right.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Look, you’re just as confused as I but what was the name of the bar?
DM: Why would he send you?
DM: The bar was the Gilded Crow.
Yinlare: What was the name of the bar that we went to that we kind of killed everybody or turned everybody in and all that shit? The sketchy bar. Gilded crow. Um, I’m, I’m just in from town this morning I went to the gilded crow and met up with I suppose I’ve heard you that woman who was here earlier said that he was a blacksmith I kind of make sense based off of his kind of rugged attire told him my situation where I’m from my goals and he told me that I could come here in hopes of maybe being a little bit of a use to you I’m a little bit of cut above you might say so it has nothing to do with his debt or who he was as a person And I’m just looking for an opportunity to, as I said before, make money the only way possible.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: You’re here to work off his debt.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Roll the section please. Yeah, but the how you know about them part. Yes, which I know is basically pointless because you’re like. He unchanged the lock. He kind of opens the door.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Uh, hang on. Twenty-three.
Yinlare: Fourteen plus a nine.
DM: So.
DM: Can I just give you a name and you’ll take care of it? We’re more in the loan shark business, so. Are you comfortable with torture? What kind of mercenary are you?
Yinlare: The kind that fits the bill. Though, I would like to meet, um, with this Ralph Fellow. I believe I have something of his. If that’s okay.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Well.
Yinlare: I will very much pull out the, like, the book and just kind of point, like, even if I, like, tear out the page so maybe he doesn’t see the full ledger, and just kind of, like, this is, like, I want to meet up with this guy.
DM: Gotcha.
DM: He kind of looks and says, Ugh. And you say you just met the man, you’re not like friends or anything, right?
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: No.
Yinlare: No, God forbid.
DM: Ugh, okay.
DM: Ralph doesn’t exist. In fact, we give pseudonyms to every individual person, that way we know who leaks information.
Yinlare: So it’s… Well, this fellow of yours, the person, the blacksmith, I suppose, who sent me here in the first place, you guys don’t seem to be on very friendly terms with him. Is there a, maybe a price for getting rid of him? I saw, I was able to follow him back to his house, I know where he lives in case any needed be. Getting rid of him would be, would that not be to your benefit? Maybe a problem to stop taking money from you. Fair enough. I’m always… If he were to pay it back, would you want him taken care of? Are you the one in charge here? The one that mostly gives out the bounties? Is there a private room I can speak with you in, just to kind of, I want to speak more about your, this situation. Maybe getting a new, what do you take care of?
DM: You could say that.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: I mean, normally whenever a big decision has to be made, I make it, but we’re more of a democracy, you could say, yeah?
DM: Oh.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Well, we’re not on unfriendly terms, you know? I mean, he’s borrowed a good half a mil from us at this point. Paid back most of it. Sure, but he owes us money. We need that money to keep coming. If anything, we just need to choke him down to hurry up his payments.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: We wouldn’t be against it.
DM: Well, like I said, it’s more of a democracy, but I guess, yeah.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Sure.
DM: The room’s right through there, as he kind of turns around and points to a relatively small, like, back room, but it does have a table. Fantastic. Yep, he kind of leads you there as you take a seat. He goes around to the other side of the table and sits down. He did not. Did you want to? Whenever you do that, he just kind of looks a little confused. I mean, like I said, we’re here democracy, it’s not like anything that you tell me, I won’t just immediately tell everyone else. He looks terrified for a second. And then he looks concerned. And that shifts into despair, as his mouth is just kind of stuck open.
Yinlare: Alright, I’ll kind of nod and go sit down on the table. You can join in. Shut door behind me. Oh, yeah, I’m going to stand up and shut the door.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Oh, true, fair enough, and I don’t want to get off with a new employee on a bad foot, but I’m going to reach into my bag and I’m going to pull out the two halves of his head and I’m just going to come up on the desk in front of me.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: I’ll just kind of raise my hand for a second.
Yinlare: No need to worry.
Yinlare: I don’t have any problems against the rest of you. I’m a mercenary myself at heart. However, he was doing some things that as a rather ethical man for my profession I don’t really agree with. So that’s why he’s ending up like that. Actually a good compatriot of mine did that work right there.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: You’re quite nice.
Yinlare: I’m happy to give you his number if you’d like to reach out. But here’s how this is going to work. That’s his remains.
Yinlare: Clearly he definitely owed you something, but that’s kind of what is left.
Yinlare: I’m happy to make arrangements. I know where he lives. I know his shop. I’m sure that you could at least ransack it for materials or whatnot. Even use it as an external base if you’d like to pay back the remainder of his debt.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Seems fair.
DM: Yeah, mostly fair, but you do realise how much he owed us, right? The property’s worth maybe thirty.
Yinlare: I’m giving you a property.
Yinlare: I’m sure that…
DM: On a good evening.
Yinlare: Damn, I could go buy a hundred houses. Dude, Dragon, remind me to start up a fucking town.
DM: He meant, yeah, he meant thirty thousand. Speaking of thousands. Wait, wait, what about a smuggling business?
Yinlare: My God!
Yinlare: God damn!
Aerendyl: I think he meant 30,000.
Yinlare: Ah, fair enough. Still do.
Yinlare: True, but also whatever he had left, I was able to find a little bit lying around. Listen, I don’t want to get off on bad terms with you, what’s done is done. He’s dead. Hence why we’re in here and I’m not pulling out random assorted bits of dead body parts in the middle of your little established group over there.
Aerendyl: Oh, fuck.
Yinlare: But, obviously…
DM: Did you find any of that?
Yinlare: What?
Aerendyl: He was smuggling kids.
Yinlare: I’m sorry, what? Not you, Dragon, in character! I’m sorry, what?
DM: He, he was smuggling something across the border from, uh, from Caldera. I’m not exactly sure what, I just always assumed drugs, but that’s what he needed the upfront money for. No, it wasn’t really a concern. He’s always been a okay customer, paid back his dues with interest.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Yinlare: Man, Butter, my next character is going to be doing some metagaming, I’m warning you now, because I’m coming back here one way or another.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Alright.
Yinlare: Smuggling something across the border. Do you know who he was smuggling it to? Any kind of a name or anything like that that was brought up? Oh, what a fantastic person he was then.
DM: We just let him be.
Yinlare: And I’m standing up and there’s a click as the door locks.
DM: He just looks like a really concerned. I feel as though there’s been a misstep here. He’s just doing this number here where he’s just like, he’s just like, uh, uh, uh, uh.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: So.
Yinlare: No, it’s not your turn to talk.
Aerendyl: I have the talking pillow.
Yinlare: It’s not your turn to talk.
Yinlare: Here’s how this is going to work.
Yinlare: Right.
Yinlare: I have the…
Yinlare: That’s good.
Yinlare: Remain confused.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Excellent.
Yinlare: Picking up heads. Heads go in bag. Bag goes on desk.
Yinlare: That’s the rest of him.
Yinlare: And now, let me lay this out in the easiest way possible.
Yinlare: You don’t know me.
Yinlare: But you will.
DM: Okay.
Yinlare: In fact, there are plenty of things that I’m sure you have heard of from across the tides. I was a core creator of the Valenshapers.
Yinlare: I’ve killed a god.
Yinlare: I’ve done things that would make you shit your pants. So here’s how this function is going to work.
Yinlare: You and your entire little posse can be a democracy with each other. But at the core of it, you now work for me, unless you now all want to die.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Well, you will.
Yinlare: Not just if it’s me. I have a friend with a fucking chainsaw.
DM: Roll intimidation and persuasion. I’m sure you are. You are aware that not everybody understands what those notch marks mean. Better than a three.
Yinlare: So, I promise you, you will all fall into numbers.
Yinlare: You all work for me now. Have I made that part clear enough to you?
Yinlare: Excellent.
Yinlare: Excellent. I am pulling out the other staff, by the way, that has all of my fucking notched markings in it.
Yinlare: I’m aware.
Yinlare: I’m about to fucking explain it to him.
Yinlare: Alright, so intimidation here. Oh, my intimidation is not great. That’s a dirty 20. And then, what’s the, and you said persuasion? Okay, that’s a 21.
DM: Yeah.
DM: Okay, well, you know, I can’t roll to save my life.
Yinlare: Um, yeah, go ahead. What’s odd is I don’t remember saying you could talk again. I’m still talking. So let me continue.
DM: He…
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: He just kinda asks… We can handle this, like, businessman.
DM: I’m not exactly sure why you’re so…
DM:
DM: …passionate about this man, but…
DM: What were you thinking?
DM: You know, do a job for you?
DM: Loan you some money?
Aerendyl: Guys, I think we should jump in, I’m hearing some mean comments.
Yinlare: I’m going to pull out my, just in case it wasn’t clear enough, staff on the ground, kind of run my finger down like the hundreds of notches that cover it.
Yinlare: Every single one of these is a dark elf who has fallen to me. So if that kill count, and it’s way more than that, I just kind of ran out of space in the carving of metal, and my recent kills I haven’t had the opportunity to jot down. So let’s just say we’re in the relative thousands at this point. So yes, if you think that you and your group can jump me, that’s not going to be happening. So, here’s how this is going to work. You and your group now work for me. Any kind of commands that I give, you will do, or you will lose your life. Plus, just a reminder, what was the name of that bar again?
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: That was the… the Gilded Crow?
Yinlare: Old and silver something.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Same thing.
Yinlare: The gilded crow, they tend to get on my bad side. So now all of them are in the guards hands now. Which also, I kind of have them at my beck and call, and I can call them here at any time.
Yinlare: I’m going to pull a random fucking pebble out of my pocket.
Yinlare: You know what a sending stone is, don’t you? I’ve got one of those right here. So, once again, even if I were to somehow fall, you would be swarmed with guards in a moment.
Yinlare: So, once again, if I have not made the point clear enough, you serve me.
Aerendyl: I don’t think we should jump them anymore.
Yinlare: Here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to leave because I have other business to attend to. You are going to find the people that he was smuggling with, you’re going to find out what he was smuggling, you’re going to recover those goods, and you’re going to kill the people he was smuggling with.
DM: He just… he just looks like… very scared, obviously, when he says I feel as though you don’t understand. We’re just unofficial money loners. We’re not like investigators.
Yinlare: Have I made myself clear?
Yinlare: Good.
Yinlare: Hard official money loaners is a very good way of putting criminal, which you are, so you’re going to do this. And you have plenty of other, if not you specifically, I’m sure you have plenty of other expendable folk to do it for you. Your entire organization is now kind of a mob lord situation run under me. Now, yes or no to the question that comes next, have I made myself clear?
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: We don’t have any…
Aerendyl: Shit, he kinda onto something, guys.
DM: You, you, yes, you made yourself clear.
Yinlare: Do you understand what’s going to happen next?
DM: But, what, you…
Yinlare: Yes or no? It doesn’t seem like a me problem, does it? That seems like a you problem. As you said previously, you are the one who at least gives out most of the bounties. So I’m sure you have a little bit of persuasion with them.
DM: Yes, but what am I, what am I supposed to tell the others?
Aerendyl: We got your back,
Aerendyl: boss. We will beat him up. When the bodies hit the floor, when the bodies hit the floor, when the bodies hit the floor.
Yinlare: Make it happen.
Yinlare: Besides, I’m not going to be here. I have a… I have a loving wife to get home to. And I have plenty of other things that I need to go take care of right now. I need to go to a farm and take care of somebody else.
Yinlare: So…
Yinlare: Don’t make this difficult. Look, I’m sure you can…
DM: I’m surprised you guys didn’t figure out that he was, like, laundering or doing something illegal when he had a, when he had a really horrible, stinking, uh, like, quality blacksmith, but somehow he was making the bills.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: I thought he was just raping kids. I just thought the economy was pretty chill like that. Well, I thought the building was pretty shit, and he just got by. I just thought he was raping kids, so I was just like, I’m gonna kill you. Was he raping kids? You didn’t write that into the lore?
Yinlare: Yeah.
DM: It’s not, not here. It’s not great!
DM: What?
Yinlare: So there’s more Kid Ravers.
DM: Okay.
DM: That’s, that, regardless of how I answered it, regardless of how I answered that, it will be spoilers. Or it’s not about kids at all, and it’s an assumption for you guys. Yeah, yeah.
Aerendyl: Oh.
Aerendyl: Oh.
Yinlare: True.
Yinlare: Well, these guys are gonna go figure it out.
Yinlare: Now, I will be checking in, and I will be having other people who work for me checking in, so don’t think that you can just get out of it. Come up with a reason for them, make sure you get on it. I would hate to have to make an example out of somebody. You understand, don’t you?
Aerendyl: Oh.
DM: I can tell them something, but yeah, yeah.
Yinlare: Excellent.
Yinlare: Well, start thinking, let’s go introduce them.
Yinlare: And I’m going to like put my hand around the shoulder and pick him up.
DM: Hey, when you open the door to back outside three of them are asleep. The half-orc it’s like, it’s basically gravel. Yeah, there’s been no rafters, yes.
Yinlare: And we’re gonna go right back out there.
Aerendyl: Oh shit boss, what’s going on? Wait guys, when did you fall asleep?
Yinlare: Is it a metal ground? Is it like what is it like dirt ground? Is it like sheet metal? Is it like rock?
Aerendyl: Oh.
Yinlare: What are we looking at?
Yinlare: Is there any kind of metal near me? Like metal like metal rafters, metal like walls? Okay, then I’m gonna we’re gonna go right back out there. I’m gonna take my my staff I’m gonna choke up on it like you know fucking gong hitting a like a like a one of those like things hitting a gong and I’m just gonna slam my you know metal staff into metal rafter like just kind of wakey-wakey and just kind of like stand up your um your friend here has an announcement to make push forward as long yes sure keep in mind patron means your little democracy here has kind of fallen a little bit, but I’m sure that you guys know how to make it work.
Aerendyl: Aluminum pan.
Aerendyl: Oh shit.
DM: He just goes, …
Aerendyl: I thought we were gonna jump him.
Aerendyl: Tiefling batty.
Aerendyl: Ah, my mother. They’re way too kind. Okay, no one touches the tiefling baddies.
Yinlare: He has your commands.
Yinlare: Excellent.
Yinlare: Man, I was I really wanted to make it.
Yinlare: Damn, dude.
Yinlare: They were right to fucking I gotta scare the shit. Dude, I wanted to make it like, I mean, can I just pick like where’s that woman? Maybe I can make an example out of her. Or I’ll kind of back off, kind of tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.
Aerendyl: Oh.
Aerendyl: Tiefling baddie.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Is she jorking it?
Yinlare: Okay, cool. Excellent.
Aerendyl: Oh.
Aerendyl: Wow.
Aerendyl: Jorking it.
Yinlare: Well, that’s not not butter.
Aerendyl: Woah!
Aerendyl: I didn’t know a tiefling could have three horns.
Yinlare: Yeah, butter.
Yinlare: You think about that as you suck in that chocolate.
Aerendyl: Gorsh.
Yinlare: Don’t spit, bro.
Aerendyl: You gonna swallow that?
Aerendyl: Laughing Swallow it.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Gulp Gour Mort Doesn’t stink Laughing Sorry Swallow it Wal-Mart? I Was I’m going back to the inn to see if she is there still working Yeah Is the counter like a receptionist desk or is it like a bar? Yeah Yeah Am I to assume that she’s just asleep at the moment? Um If that’s the case then what I’ll do is I’ll just like find a quiet corner to sit in for now and see if anybody comes through while doing my like elven meditation thing that I do for sleep What? Is that just a bunch of D6s?
Yinlare: Any who wants it.
Yinlare: I am.
Yinlare: Great.
Yinlare: One in the pink windows.
Yinlare: Sorry.
Yinlare: Okay, anyway. Okay, um, I am.
Yinlare: Yes, I do believe you’ve missed the little, um, whatever has occurred here.
Yinlare: Take over, I suppose.
Yinlare: Um, I had a conversation with one of your men, one of your bounty servers, whatever you might like to call it.
Yinlare: As for the time being, you know, your whole democracy and we all work together thing has kind of kaput.
Yinlare: Long and short of it as you work for me now. I assume that’s not going to be any problems? Long story short, I have other things to handle tonight.
Yinlare: Can we move along if I like second-in-command you or something?
Yinlare: All right, excellent. Go get a…
Yinlare: To me, he’s more of an announcement maker.
Yinlare: Excellent.
Yinlare: He knows the commands.
Yinlare: You’re welcome to get it from him.
Yinlare: I trust you.
Yinlare: If anybody steps a toe out of line, feel free to cut that toe off.
Yinlare: You and me both. Feel free to get your orders from him, and other than that, make money.
Yinlare: Real shit.
Yinlare: Oh shit.
Yinlare: Well, um, like I told him, I do have people on the outside who will come and check in, not discrediting everybody, I don’t discredit you, I discredit the cronies you have here.
Yinlare: Hope that’s no offense to you. So I’ll make sure that it gets handled. Just make us money and grow.
Yinlare: And I’m just gonna turn and I’m gonna walk out and start heading towards that fucking barn. Whatever farm thing.
Yinlare: New line.
Yinlare: New line.
Yinlare: Maybe it’s time to get new dice, bro.
Yinlare: Dude, do I can imagine being like?
Aerendyl: Dude.
Aerendyl: Dude.
Aerendyl: I like these rules.
Yinlare: There you go.
Aerendyl: Oh.
Yinlare: He thinks he’s something.
Aerendyl: He thinks he’s something. Is he a dick?
Yinlare: Oh, dead.
Aerendyl: Oh, oh.
Yinlare: I think we knock him down a couple pegs. Oh, that wasn’t what happened.
Aerendyl: Oh, he’s walking with three inch energy. A bastard. It says no vacancy. Can you fucking read? No, there’s not, dickhead. He’s just going to look at me. Is he drunk out of his mind? You know, I think we got off on the wrong foot, but that says no vacancy. So would you please take a seat and just chill? I’m going to walk up to the counter and be like, you have a agreement?
Yinlare: Oh, buddy.
Yinlare: I work alone.
Aerendyl: Spill the details.
Aerendyl: I’m just going to look at him with like my hand on my, my chin and be like, I like to just talk to people, get a grasp of who they are.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: So what do you have like a thing with the lady who’s in charge of this place?
Yinlare: Cool.
Aerendyl: Hey, ma’am.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: Ma’am, does he have a thing that he can just like request things? Because this is no vacancy. Oh, that is spicy.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: Can I have an insight check to see if he’s an actual VIP or if he’s threatening her? Oh, this is bad. I wish I had my luck shit. Because that insight is an eight. If you get a reroll, I get a reroll.
Aerendyl: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I want that fair fucking square. Yeah, yeah.
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: That sucks for you, dude.
Yinlare: I don’t think I can roll below like a 16.
Aerendyl: Mm-hmm.
Aerendyl: Oh, okay, so if it doesn’t look at me, it’s fine.
Aerendyl: This changed, okay.
Aerendyl: Interesting.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: Oh, I already have a room. I was just waiting for her.
Aerendyl: So anyways, can I just say out loud?
Aerendyl: So anyways, I killed your husband.
Aerendyl: Don’t do that.
Aerendyl: Part of me fucking wants to just to freak out the guy walking back upstairs. Is the only people in this room him and her? Uh, did it look like the child was around or is this child kind of like? Then I’m just going to reword it to be like, so anyways, miss, I killed him for you.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: Ta-ta.
Aerendyl: I give him a little finger wave.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Now that he’s gone, I’m just going to be like, he’s gone. Let’s get down to the actual business. And I’m just going to put the ring on the table. Oh, is it? I take the ring back.
Aerendyl: You want it back?
Aerendyl: I know it is. And then I’m going to put down 100 gold pieces on the table. It’s just part of what he had leftover hidden in his little shitty blacksmith. Well he had 400 but me and my companion split it half and then I’m splitting it half again. Oh and there was like a list of names and he like owed somebody like 100,000 gold. Oh yeah but don’t worry my my companion’s taking care of it.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: It’s fine.
Aerendyl: I lied earlier by the way when I said he was a little crazy and retarded.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: Uh yeah he just doesn’t…
Aerendyl: he just doesn’t like it when I tell people that.
Aerendyl: He’s very capable.
Aerendyl: See I don’t know what he does but what I can tell you was he was a very bad person not just to you and let before you get upset or anything he suffered it was not quick do I see like a smirk Her, Emily?
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: Oh.
Aerendyl: So what you’re gonna do is you’re gonna chill here while I forge the documents to the divorce. I’m gonna give you everything except the debts. Um, actually I don’t know if the debts will be important anymore after tonight. I think the debts will be taken care of. I don’t know about the shop. It depends on what my compatriot says. He might be using that as like some collateral or something.
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: I don’t know.
Aerendyl: Uh, but pretty much everything that was his should be yours.
Aerendyl: Uh, he’s, he’s, he’s dead, by the way.
Aerendyl: Just want to make sure you know he’s dead.
Aerendyl: Yeah, he’s gone. He was a very bad person.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: He tried to weasel his way out of it like four times by trying to pay me with like 20 gold pieces.
Aerendyl: Yup.
Aerendyl: He’s like, he was like, please, please don’t kill me. I have 20 gold pieces in that little drawer over there. So what you can do now is, first of all let me ask you this, do you even like this town? Is that the truth or is this like another thing that we did like earlier today?
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Well then your options are stay here, chill, live with your kid, razor, and never think about him again. Tell your child that he went away far, far, far down south. You know, if you really want him, I can bring back the body parts.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: Do you want proof?
Aerendyl: Are you sure you don’t want to see it?
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: How much did you hate him? Before I let you know this one small teeny weenie dee doo. That was not the response I was expecting.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Yinlare: Dragon.
Yinlare: Dragon.
Yinlare: Make sure that fuck isn’t listening in.
Aerendyl: As I roll a perception, is that fuck listening? I rolled a 21. Okay. Oh, I give her like a, oh wink. And I’m gonna be like, well, the last thing he saw before he sadly passed away was a saw blade. I pull out the sword and like, it was this big. Like, I just rev it once and I’m like, this is what he saw. You’ll still see chunks of the brain coming out.
DM: It does not seem like he is. However, with it21, she said that because, you’re pretty sure she said that because it is the socially correct answer. It is not true. How big was it? I mean, that’s horrible.
Yinlare: Okay.
DM: He.
Yinlare: It was Oh, they do, do they? I don’t think she would know either.
DM: You ever see somebody who is like so happy, but they’re trying to fit to hide it.
Aerendyl: Oh yeah.
DM: She’s doing this.
DM: I’m like. I mean, he suddenly disappeared.
Aerendyl: Don’t hide it. It’s fine. He was an asshole.
Aerendyl: And we double-checked too. We did a little test on him and he failed miserably. This is the thing.
DM: How?
DM: Won’t the gods come looking for me? I only ask because some of the guards buy from him so.
Aerendyl: He had a lot of enemies.
Aerendyl: I’m pretty sure he was a criminal. So, if anything, I did this town a favor.
Aerendyl: Most importantly, I did your self a favor.
Aerendyl: I don’t think they’d worry about the cops or anything.
Aerendyl: What are they gonna do?
Aerendyl: Go for a stupid, stupid blacksmith who doesn’t know how to blacksmith? No one’s gonna even know he’s gone because nobody visits his stupid shop.
Aerendyl: Oh, the guards buy from him.
DM: I know that they know.
Aerendyl: Oh.
Aerendyl: Oh, well then the guards… Do they buy from him or do they buy from him? That’s metagaming.
DM: I mean, I. Yeah, you don’t really know. However, she was actually about to say this. This is not metagaming, I swear. She was genuinely about to say this. I mean, I don’t know exactly what they buy, if it’s swords or armor, but I know they’re involved in business somehow.
Aerendyl: I don’t know that he smuggled people.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Well…
Yinlare: Very interesting.
Aerendyl: Very interesting. Well, if the guards do bother you, then I’ll just bother them. I’ll be in town for like another day or two. I actually know I’m out of town tomorrow. When they get back, I’ll kill them all. That was a joke. Oh, yeah, it’s like you can tell that there was a finger that used to be there.
DM: Yeah.
DM: She just kind of picks up the ring. It’s still bloodied, right? She picks up the ring and just kind of rolls it around in her hands. This is, well, it’s about time for me to go to bed and have a good night’s sleep. I mean, I will, but usually divorce agreement has to have a reason. Infidelity is pretty much the only accepted one, but it has three witnesses. She just kind of looks down. Unfortunately, that’s not good enough.
Yinlare: Thank you.
Aerendyl: Yes, good.
Aerendyl: Before you do that, I’m going to go do some research on divorce papers so I can forge a signature.
Aerendyl: Are you willing to sign it? Oh, well, what about, what about child abuse? It’s not good enough, not good enough.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: Well, how about he cheated on you with me?
Yinlare: That’s what infidelity means you dumb bitch.
DM: Trust me, I’ve…
DM: You…
DM: What?
Aerendyl: What if he cheated on you and you had proof?
Aerendyl: A witness?
Aerendyl: Oh, my bad.
Aerendyl: Oh, infideli, I thought you said… I’m not gonna say what I thought you said. No, I thought he said infertile. Yeah, I thought he said infertility. Well, she could have cheated on him. Natural Tawny.
DM: I need to know. I desperately need to know. Only the dice know.
Yinlare: Yeah, what else?
Yinlare: No, what else did you get out of infidelity? Do I get what other words sound like infidelity? I think Dragon knows about infertility.
Yinlare: Yeah, I did.
Yinlare: Yeah, the kid right there is butter.
Yinlare: Did she cheat on him?
Yinlare: Well, if it’s your dice, if it’s your dice.
DM: Let us find out.
DM: Oh, oh, oh!
DM: Chat let me ask.
Yinlare: I can roll butter. Sorry, I need to- I hate to interrupt this. I’m so confused right now, because I’m trying to figure out- so, you know how when you open up Discord on your phone and you go to like direct messages, it has like every- it has all of your direct messages and then at the top it tells like who’s and what calls. It just says Omar is in a voice call called Maniaka.
Aerendyl: So she cheated.
DM: Yeah, I mean, no, you’d have to roll and find out.
Aerendyl: Well, okay, if it if it’s in the case of infidelity, what do we just say he cheated on you with me?
DM: I mean…
DM: Oh, you’d have to prove it. Oh Um, I mean, it, I believe the only reasons that are justifiable are if you can prove infidelity, uh, or any major law. So for example, if he committed a murder, frame him for who’s murder, though. I mean, I don’t really know. No, no, I mean, but I don’t think I mean, he I’m, I’m pretty sure he’s not a criminal, but he did. He did buy his sword from my husband. And he, that’s why he’s allowed, he has some type of agreement with him. That’s why he’s a VIP. I didn’t even, I never would have assumed.
Aerendyl: I’m very handsome.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Maniaka?
Yinlare: What is that?
Aerendyl: What the fuck?
Aerendyl: What the fuck is Maniaka? I’m not even a part of that server.
Yinlare: What is Maniaka, dude?
Yinlare: Dude, what is Maniaka? What is that?
Aerendyl: The fuck?
Aerendyl: Oh, it’s in that server. Yeah, it’s his server. Anyways, back to what we were talking about. I mean, do you have any other causes for divorce? Because I really don’t want to look like that guy who did that guy, you know?
Yinlare: What is Maniaka?
Yinlare: Oh, Maniaka is his surfer, okay.
Yinlare: That was really fucking weird.
Yinlare: Suicide, he murdered himself. His own.
Aerendyl: I can frame him for that. And then he bolted, he left town. Is there a, is there by any chance like a shady place around here with criminals that I can just go grab one?
Yinlare: Yeah, the bar that we can turn to everybody in that.
Aerendyl: Is that asshole? Is he your criminal?
Yinlare: What?
Aerendyl: The one that just went upstairs?
Aerendyl: Well, he was kind of rude to me.
Aerendyl: If anything, I think that means he deserves to die.
Aerendyl: Should I go double-check?
Aerendyl: You said room 63, right?
Aerendyl: I can torture him. Oh, we seem to be thinking on the same page. So, you said room 63, right?
Yinlare: Yeah, the bar that we can turn to everybody in that.
DM: Yes, it’s just up the stairs to your left.
Aerendyl: Um, you hated your husband, right?
DM: No, of course not.
Aerendyl: No?
Aerendyl: Okay, wink.
DM: Boink.
Aerendyl: I knew it!
Aerendyl: I knew you winked earlier.
Aerendyl: Um, so, let’s just say, hypothetically, that there needs to be a cleanup on room 63. Will you hate me for it? If I get the information I need.
DM: Did you take the pillowcases off first?
Aerendyl: What are the cases?
Yinlare: Yeah, the bar that we can turn to everybody in that.
DM: We just got new ones.
Aerendyl: Anything else?
Aerendyl: The sheets? Blanket too?
DM: No, the sheets and blankets are old.
DM: And this money right here will more than cover them back off.
Aerendyl: Oh yes, yes, yes.
DM: So Okay, how about it?
Aerendyl: For your troubles, 20 more gold pieces.
Aerendyl: I just got permission to do the murder.
DM: Fun.
Aerendyl: Yes, sir, yes, sir.
DM: Okie dokie.
DM: See, I wanted to be known that this is why I required the bot to be on my own server instead of just one found online, because I don’t want this recording just sitting elsewhere on somebody’s servers. Um, so yeah, we’re gonna come back to your murder session party of one. Oh, for room 69? And that’s because I don’t remember if you guys remember or not, but you guys got one room to share. I gave you guys room 69.
Aerendyl: Um, yeah, well, I’m just letting you know I’m heading to room 63 now. If Nate is done with his shit and he gets back in time for room 63 fun, he can.
Yinlare: Yeah, the bar that we can turn to.
Yinlare: What are you fumbled the bags so hard five to six rooms really.
Aerendyl: What?
Yinlare: Six rooms down.
Yinlare: I fumble. Bag fumble.
Aerendyl: And it was room 69.
DM: Anyway.
Yinlare: Sorry.
Aerendyl: Weeeze!
DM: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was about to go to you, my friend. As you arrived You arrive at a farm How serendipitous Sure, let me wrap this up by midnight. I’ll play a game I guess I love how I can just hear everybody clicking mouse buttons to check if they have it installed or not Ayo update queued of 10 gigabytes Anyways You You uh, you pull up to the barn The barn It’s not really a farmer that they have a house There’s a barn but something that seems very surprising to you is that this is the nicest farm that you think you have ever laid your eyes on they have a Pretty much paved road. There’s a gate all the way around, which you easily hopped over because you’re stinking caught at this point almost. However, the thing that is a lethal concern, just even so slightly concerning, is that they appear to have private security.
Yinlare: Yes.
Yinlare: Sorry.
Aerendyl: Yeah, it’s your turn Nate. I feel most alive when rapidly approaching my death.
Yinlare: Is it me?
Yinlare: Excellent, excellent.
Yinlare: Oh, how enjoyable.
Yinlare: I’m going to be approaching my death.
Aerendyl: Butter just got a flashback. Butter just got a flashback.
Yinlare: The caustic main just got PTSD flashbacks. See, weren’t those good times? Wouldn’t it be fun if we played Apex again?
Aerendyl: Serendipitous.
Aerendyl: Fuck yeah.
Yinlare: I don’t have Apex in store. I don’t, I can’t.
Aerendyl: Install it right now, Nathan.
Aerendyl: Fuck you.
Aerendyl: I installed something.
Yinlare: Hang on, hang on, I’m working on it.
Aerendyl: I’m installing it right now.
Yinlare: Seventy-five gigs?
Yinlare: This shit is not going on my PC, bro.
Aerendyl: It’s fine, me and butter will play a duo’s match.
Yinlare: What?
Yinlare: What?
Aerendyl: Yep.
Yinlare: Can Apex run on an external? Can Apex run on an HDD?
Aerendyl: It can run on a hard drive.
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: Never mind, maybe I won’t.
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: I pull up to the barn.
Yinlare: Is there a Nobel nearby?
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Not surprising, rich people.
Yinlare: Pretty much.
Yinlare: Oh wow!
Yinlare: I’m fucking fortunate for them!
DM: Yeah.
Yinlare: That’s really funny. That’s really, no, that’s not gonna work, buddy. Private security isn’t what, like bouncers? Or like? Wait, at least six people between me and the doorway?
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Yeah.
DM: As in, you know, they seem to be just like adventurers, mercenaries, it’s just people for hire. Some of them seem to be magic based, some seem swords. You can very clearly make out at least six of them on the grounds. Yeah, this is a big, uh, it’s basically a compound. Oh man, if only, if only you had a cloak and the stealth skills of a god.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Shit.
Yinlare: Fuck.
Yinlare: Um, a compound, man, what what can I do?
Yinlare: People might…
DM: Oh wait!
Yinlare: But I’m gonna cast pass without a trace. And then I’m gonna kind of wrap my glamour weave up a little bit to kind of, like I said, kind of draw in the shadows. I’ll go ahead and make a stealth check. I’ll make it with advantage because of me. Wow.
DM: Oh wow, who could have guessed?
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: All right, hang on, four dice. Actually, just give me one second, one second.
Yinlare: Okay.
DM: I know what’s wrong.
Yinlare: Okay.
DM: I know I might have one vote.
Yinlare: But can you still hear us?
DM: Yes.
Aerendyl: Block.
Yinlare: Yes.
Aerendyl: Weeeze!
Aerendyl: I need to, I need to rock that drip. I must change my steam name to God of Beerus. God of Beerus Destruction.
Yinlare: God of Beerus?
Yinlare: I kind of want to change my… It’s been a while since I’ve changed my Steam name. Dude, were you here when Ender’s fucking… I’m waiting on a name change on Bungie so I can change my Destiny handle to Miku Kell of Music. Oh my god, that’s exactly what I’m going to do on Steam. I have infinite name changes on Steam, don’t I?
Aerendyl: You need to kill yourself.
Aerendyl: I think I’m going to have to commit infidelity on you.
Yinlare: Don’t I?
Yinlare: Account details.
DM: I don’t. I’m so sorry.
Yinlare: I don’t…
Aerendyl: No, I said infidelity.
Yinlare: You’re going to make me infertile?
Yinlare: Get up, kids!
Aerendyl: I’m going to cheat on you.
Yinlare: Oh.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Yinlare: How do I change my…
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Nom nom.
Aerendyl: Yummers.
Yinlare: How do I…
Yinlare: Yummers. Yummers.
Aerendyl: Yummers.
Aerendyl: Yummers.
Yinlare: Oh, we could play…
Yinlare: What’s it called with butter? We could play Rivals of Butter.
Aerendyl: No, we’re going to play Apex of Butter.
Yinlare: That’s installing.
Aerendyl: Yummers.
Aerendyl: Yummers.
Aerendyl: Yummers.
Aerendyl: Poke.
Yinlare: Hulk Yummers.
Aerendyl: Yummers.
Aerendyl: Poke.
Aerendyl: Yummers.
Aerendyl: Poke.
Aerendyl: Yummers.
Aerendyl: Poke.
Yinlare: Hulk Yummers.
Aerendyl: Yummers.
Aerendyl: Poke.
Aerendyl: Yummers.
Aerendyl: Poke.
Aerendyl: Yummers. Butter must really hate us. Yummers.
Yinlare: Hulk Yummers.
DM: I’m back.
Aerendyl: Poke.
DM: Hey, Dragon, you’re gonna hate me.
Aerendyl: Yummers.
Aerendyl: Did you break the dice tray?
DM: I’m so sorry.
DM: No, the problem is I brought it downstairs last night because I was showing my grandmother. And then she hates it, not where I left it.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: I thought you lost my dice tray that I gave you, now it’s your dice tray?
DM: It’s somewhere.
Yinlare: Hulk Yummers. Thank you for joining us today.
Aerendyl: Butter, I spent ten hours working on that.
DM: I’m sorry.
DM: All right.
Aerendyl: That’s a lie, it was probably like five.
DM: Ooh, ooh, there’s a chance.
DM: All right.
DM: What was your stealth check?
Aerendyl: Bro, brother, walked in and said, there’s a chance.
DM: I rolled a 19. With a plus four.
Aerendyl: There’s a chance, thirty-nine. Thirty-nine.
DM: Okay.
DM: I thought 23.
DM: There’s a chance.
Yinlare: Thank you for joining us.
DM: Right?
DM: Okay.
Yinlare: I love anti-D&D characters. I’m aura checking them, I’m walking in a straight line.
DM: All right.
DM: Well, you kind of just passed through perfectly.
DM: You know what?
Aerendyl: There’s a chance.
DM: Wait, wait, wait.
DM: They’re making a religion check. All right. They’re God says no.
DM: Uh, yeah.
DM: Okay.
DM: You, you, you successfully enter the frickin gigantic mansion that that they probably call a farmhouse because they’re rich people pretending to be poor. Um, what, what, what’s your game plan here? Just, just so I can know what to expect. I know, I know, I’m sorry. Are you looking for their main bedroom?
Yinlare: That’s not how D&D works, but you’ll see when we get there.
Yinlare: Knock, knock, knock on heaven’s door. I’m not trying to break into their bedroom.
Aerendyl: There’s a chance.
DM: What are you doing?
Yinlare: I’m not a fucking weirdo, bro.
DM: Because there is a guard posted right outside the door. So are you just gonna appear in front of this man or are you gonna knock for him? No, better yet you just see a hand just through the cloak just knock knock knock and the hand It disappears. It’s like he’s just… Am I magic? Okay, so you knock and then you appear in front of this man. Of course, he immediately goes to grab his sword.
Yinlare: You know what I’m going to do?
Aerendyl: There’s a chance.
Yinlare: I’m going to walk up and I’m very much going to just sit and knock on the door. Like as far as he’s concerned, I should just materialize mid door knock. I’m quite literally like, it’s very much the like my character right now is the living embodiment of I can’t find something until my mom looks for it and points it out. It’s on my desk. I’m just knocking on the door and he’s like, man, it’s a really nice night out. There’s nobody here. I just appear in front of him. Just is anybody there?
Aerendyl: There’s a chance.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Yinlare: I kind of like take a step back, like.
Aerendyl: There’s a chance.
DM: Who are you doing?
Yinlare: Yes.
Yinlare: Is there a problem here?
Yinlare: So.
DM: How’d you get on the property?
Yinlare: I walked in. It’s not that difficult.
Yinlare: I there was a gate. I opened the gate and I walked down the driveway.
DM: How did you get past security?
Aerendyl: There’s a chance. So if you buy an Egypt in property, they give you the Egypt.
Yinlare: Nobody stopped me. I walked in. I assumed you knew the nature of why I was here. That’s why I just kind of kept going.
DM: What?
DM: Just, just, just wait a minute. Hang on. He just kind of like moves past you and he puts his hand on your shoulder. Kind of a don’t go anywhere as he kind of looks around me. Here’s He is now looking away as he looks to the left.
Yinlare: I’m.
Yinlare: I can watch my.
Aerendyl: That’s a good question.
Yinlare: Thinking like two fingers and like lifting his hand off my shoulder like your fucking hand off me, bro.
Aerendyl: Nate, disappear again.
Aerendyl: Stealth check.
Yinlare: So now.
DM: Hey Joe, yeah Do we have guests? No, nope is okay.
Yinlare: Knock, knock, knock.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Hey look Why are you talking on the door We’re not supposed to have any guests over tonight, I don’t know if you What’s the name of the blacksmith? The name of the blacksmith You you didn’t actually ask but you did get the information from the the wife his name is Kendrell Last name is Klars, assuming that their family which they are, they probably have the same last name. That’s not what I said, but sure.
Yinlare: I go listen to the, listen to the blacksmith.
Yinlare: Help me out here, bro.
Aerendyl: What was the name of the blacksmith? Did we ever ask?
Yinlare: I have the ledger that’s just sign ledger. Andrew, what a faggot.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Yes, real **** Kendall Jenner. I’m a bit lost and need some. Somebody answers.
Yinlare: God.
Yinlare: Kendall Klaus, gotcha.
Yinlare: Kendall Jenner.
Yinlare: Yeah, anyway, knock, knock, knock.
DM: Stop knocking on the door.
Yinlare: Is anyone home?
Yinlare: Do I just have to, like, knock harder? Is there a doorbell somewhere? First of all, my name, not important.
DM: Nobody’s going to answer.
DM: No!
Aerendyl: What said doorbell?
DM: Okay, what’s your name?
DM: Why are you here?
DM: Hi, my name is Joseph.
Yinlare: What’s your name?
Aerendyl: You should have said your name literally is not important.
DM: I work private security.
Yinlare: Congratulations. Still not telling you.
DM: Head guard of the night shift. Nice to meet you.
DM: What’s your name?
Yinlare: I was just curious.
Yinlare: As far as…
Yinlare: As for why I’m here, I’m here in regards to Mr. Kendall Klaus.
DM: It someone that’s late what is your business you I’m busy in trouble again. Look, now is not a really good time. Maybe come back tomorrow. Fine, fine, fine. World deception for me. I’m giving myself quadruple advantage. I kid you not highest roll was a six.
Yinlare: I forgot.
Aerendyl: Somebody.
Yinlare: Yeah, yeah, close enough.
Yinlare: I’m just gonna, I’m just gonna dead stare him.
Aerendyl: Yeah. Yeah.
Yinlare: Why did the broke ass motherfucker send someone in the middle of the night? Gee, let me put the puzzle pieces together on this one. Needs quite a bit of money. And it’s me being here and not him. I mean, I mean, he’ll be dead by morning. That helps at all speed up the process. Like quite a bit of trouble.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Yinlare: And that’s unfortunate. I only got a 14. I rolled a five.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
DM: That must be nice.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
DM: Of course it is.
DM: Fine, fine.
Yinlare: Is there any, I mean, like I said, I’m a messenger.
DM: Could you at least wait an hour?
Aerendyl: Yeah.
DM: Only reason I ask, shifts change in an hour, they have to approve it anyway, so they’ll be up, I don’t have to wake them up, don’t have to deal with. You know, I’m a month away from retirement, man.
Yinlare: His life is definitely not my priority.
Yinlare: Hey, it’s your call.
Yinlare: Look, I get it, I really do, but I don’t really think shift change would matter if you were here at all across the night. These people, you know, vengefulness kind of runs in the family a bit. I’m sure you don’t want to be on the bad side of that, especially if you’re just so close.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
DM: Alright, fine, fine, fine.
DM: He takes out some keys, he unlocks the door. Alright, come with me.
Yinlare: No worries.
DM: Hey!
DM: Joe, take this guy in, watch the, watch the, I don’t care. Come on, follow me.
Aerendyl: One month before retirement. In the living room.
Yinlare: I’ll follow him.
Yinlare: Keep in mind, man, keep it. Oh my god, dude. That’s so fucked.
Yinlare: So fucked.
DM: I love how he’s just, no, no, no, no.
Yinlare: Keep in mind, butter as I’m walking through this, I still have my fucking glamour weave up and my pass without a trace up. So there’s just like the darkness is just sticking to me as I’m just kind of walking through this house. My passive stealth right now is 30.
DM: So as he’s walking through, because keep in mind, this is like basically a mansion, you know, he’s giving you the general, you know, you’re a guest, so here’s a general tour, you know, over here is the whatever, whatever, but as you guys like pass people, nobody can make you out because you’re passive thinking. Yeah, your passive self is starting. Nobody’s making that with their passive perception. So they literally just see this guy giving a tour to thin air talking to himself. He brings you to a room. He says, all right, this is the meeting room. Stay here. I will get the head. Maybe five, 10 minutes. I honestly couldn’t guarantee you You It’s about to be hot garbage I’m not going to be able to do that.
Yinlare: Hit the gritty.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Yinlare: Sorry.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Yinlare: No worries I’ll wait right here.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Yinlare: And I’ll turn and sit down. Do I need you to make me a JBL speaker so I can blast Fetty Wap at the meeting?
Yinlare: Me blasting Fetty Wap on the JBL meeting.
Aerendyl: JBL is a speaker.
Aerendyl: And Fetty Wap.
Yinlare: Fetty Wap by Harlem Fetty. It’s Harlem Fetty, it’s the first one. It’s the Fetty Wap trap queen.
Aerendyl: Yeah, which song is it by Fetty Wap, Nate? Fetty Wap by Harlem. Oh, it’s the first one. You don’t mean this one, you meant this one, right? I guess it’s the same one.
Yinlare: Like so.
Aerendyl: Is it?
Aerendyl: Yeah it is.
Aerendyl: No it’s not.
Aerendyl: I’m so ugly.
Aerendyl: No.
Aerendyl: I’m like hey what’s up hello.
Yinlare: It’s It’s a Fetty Wap on the jp Okay In the next 12 minutes Man butter I don’t think you understand the amount of effort it took not Man I could like make a snowman of his body like just start fucking them against the back wall with like Like toothpicks and chopsticks kind of like in between like the arms and shit. No, i’m just gonna sit there Oh dwarven you ready for a banger?
Aerendyl: Butter looks so disgusting.
DM: Okay.
DM: Anyways.
DM: A crisp 12 minutes later.
DM: You going to do anything in these 12 minutes?
DM: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Laughs.
Aerendyl: Laughs.
DM: 12 minutes later.
Aerendyl: Fuck you.
DM: 12 minutes later. A relatively larger man. Larger in disorientation. Walks in in what appears to be a, essentially, nightgown.
Yinlare: Okay.
DM: He just, he kind of yawns. What, my son’s in you?
Aerendyl: Laughs.
DM: What do you need?
DM: More precisely, how much?
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: Fortunately, this one’s a bit um Yeah, yeah wait does he just walk into no i’m not dropping my pipes without a trace does he just walk He just walks into an empty room Right here, sir. I say, well, they just materialize on them.
DM: I assume that you, you, you…
Aerendyl: He just appears in front of him.
Aerendyl: Laughs. Laughs. Laughs.
DM: Oh, okay.
DM: Well, he would have walked in and said that anyway, because he was told there’s somebody to meet with in here. But whenever, you know, he looks and sees nobody there, he would just look around and say…
DM: Oh?
DM: Hello?
DM: Sorry, I must have…
Yinlare: Yes.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Yinlare: Get that a lot.
DM: I’m very, very tired, as you can see. What did he do this time?
Yinlare: Well, this time he mistakenly sold bad product to about four or five people who, I can’t really say unbeknownst to him they were criminals, because he’s not the brightest in the head, but they… 5,000 or his life by the end of the night. Look, I got a…
DM: Yeah, yes, yes, yes.
DM: What does he need?
DM: He’s more expensive than this farm, I swear.
Aerendyl: Laughs.
DM: What…
Yinlare: 5 or 6 people, but they have gold.
DM: How many people are there? What does he need broken up into?
DM: Gold, silver…
Aerendyl: Laughs.
Yinlare: 5,000 gold out of the year. He’s got some just straight gold, yeah. I am aware it’s quite unfortunate, but it’s something that needs to be taken care of. He tried to? They are holding currently, yes.
DM: Just straight gold.
DM: I don’t have the…
DM: Okay.
DM: Alright.
DM: Whatever. Look, just stay there.
DM: Look, first, why didn’t he contact me? Are they holding him?
Aerendyl: Laughs.
Yinlare: That’s why I’m here in his stead.
DM: Ugh.
DM: Of course they are. Of course they are.
Aerendyl: Laughs.
Aerendyl: Laughs.
DM: As he kind of turns around, very tired and fed up with the whole situation, he kind of walks out the room and enters a room across the hall. After about a minute of him literally cursing under his breath, he returns. Alright, look.
Aerendyl: Laughs.
Aerendyl: Laughs.
Yinlare: He said that he had some big, oh God, what was it that he wanted? Big profit margins getting ready to pay off, some big seller who was going to buy a bunch of his equipment, I don’t know. $10,000 total.
DM: Five bags.
DM: I’m sorry, you said there were five people.
DM: Five thousand gold each?
DM: Or five thousand gold total? He grabs the bags. How- I’m sorry, wait. How’s he planning on paying me back this time?
Aerendyl: Laughs.
Aerendyl: You’re pushing your luck. You’re pushing your luck.
DM: Did he even mention that?
Aerendyl: Laughs.
DM: Let’s be honest, it turned out like his last business adventure. Back in a week. As he turns back around and enters the other room. He returns and says, like, I don’t, I don’t have that kind of gold on me. I, I got 7000.
Aerendyl: Laughs.
Aerendyl: No, no, no shot. This is going to work.
DM: Maybe that’d be enough to hold him over.
DM: Yeah.
Yinlare: I’m going to kind of reach into my pocket, like, inside of my coat pocket and grab that, like, that really, the pebble that I had earlier. I’m very much going to treat it like a sending stone here. Kind of just, like, kind of mutter into it a little bit here. We’ll wait a second.
Aerendyl: Yes.
DM: You can figure it out himself.
Yinlare: As long as they receive the rest of the money by the end of the week, they said that that should be okay. That’s understandable. I will say this because, and you’re going to have to forgive me a little bit here, you know, criminal by nature, of course, would you ever want him just gone to take care of? Well, I do work for them, if his body were to just turn up, I’m sure that that would be beneficial to you, would you be willing to pay for that? Between you and me, of course. No one else needs to know. property.
DM: At this point, this is the last time I break him out. Here, take it. And please don’t show back up to me again. I don’t have the energy to deal with it.
Aerendyl: Yes.
DM: Tell him if he can’t figure out this problem on his own, then he should leave town. And don’t come back until he’s figured it out.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Between us.
DM: Yeah.
DM: You know how much his life insurance policy is worth?
Aerendyl: Oh. Okay.
DM: Between you and me, of course. Let’s say, hypothetically, I could see the problem is that amount of gold is hard to transfer.
DM: Hmm.
DM: You wouldn’t necessarily be interested in property, would you? Well, see, my second… cousin? Whatever. Long story short, I was provided some property out in a… neum, in America, and so I obviously can’t use it. It’s valued around 20k. If something were to happen, I’m sure ownership could be transferred.
Yinlare: Well, before you go ahead and head back to sleep, I’m gonna take my, I’m gonna take my, I’m gonna pick up the bag of gold in my left hand, I’m gonna like put it in my jacket a little bit, and then take my quarterstaff, and I’m gonna hold it very much like it’s a wizard staff, and I’m just gonna use like, I’m gonna hold it with both hands, I’m I’m going to start using like a minor illusion to just kind of make it spark, fizzle, whatever, and make it look like a spell is actively being cast. I’m going to cast invisibility.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Okay.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: I’m just going to vanish from sight.
Yinlare: I’m going to go completely silent for a second. I’m going to wait about probably four or five minutes. I’m going to wait about maybe two or three minutes here. And then I’m going to cut my invisibility. And I’m going to kind of, and this time, my left hand, I’m going to be holding the bag of holding.
Aerendyl: The one with the body.
DM: Yeah, the guy kind of takes a step back.
DM: Oh, it must be a high-level caster. Teleportation Oh, slight problem.
Yinlare: Not to those of a higher standpoint. Now, the, those people have been paid off with the gold that you offered me, just to ensure that they don’t come after you or any of your family members.
Aerendyl: It’s in there.
Yinlare: But, and I’m going to just launch the bag onto the table, let it spill out like a, I don’t know, side of his head or some shit, and just, problem taken care of.
Yinlare: I could…
DM: Do you perchance have his right pinky?
Yinlare: Uh, uh, yeah! There you go, buddy! I kind of like, I’m gonna kind of like hand it back the paper. Is it already pre-signed with like his information and whatnot? He goes, uh, I’m gonna kind of look at him and be like, um, is there a possibility that you wouldn’t mind just signing in your information?
Aerendyl: It’s in there.
DM: Perfect.
Aerendyl: Why does he need the right pinky?
DM: Well, uh, it’s just, uh, he has the hands you a piece of paper. Write down whatever corporation or name or whatever I’m supposed to be transferring the property to.
Aerendyl: Why does he need the right pinky?
DM: Have yourself a deal.
DM: This is going to be a good week.
DM: No, no. So he’s essentially is asking you just to write down the, uh, your information and then he’ll just create the documents and sign it over, is what he’s implying anyway.
Aerendyl: Either way it’s a win-win.
Yinlare: I’m actually, this is going to somebody else within my agency, I don’t have their name on me Right now I can go out and get it.
DM: Uh, sure, if you could give me a couple minutes, I’ll have to have somebody draft up the paper.
Aerendyl: Wait.
Yinlare: If this can be handled right now, I’m sorry.
DM: It’s a little late at night.
DM: Do you want to come back in the morning,
DM: or…?
Yinlare: I know that this is a slate, but I’m I’ve got some things I have to take care of in the morning. Anyway, if we could get this taken care of.
DM: Sure.
Yinlare: You know, I was a notary and a past life.
DM: The person I usually use to notarize the documents, he’s about an hour away. Would you want to just stay here for an hour?
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: No, man, I wish I could pull that off.
DM: First of all, a notary cannot notarize a document that is being transferred to them. A notary has to be a, a notary is supposed to be a impartial third party, but if a guy’s got a notary on stick and payroll, then it’s not impartial, but it’s fine. Uh, did you want to ask him that?
Yinlare: Well, actually, actually, but I mean, I was, you know, I’m, I’m ordained, I’m a fucking priest. There’s no way yet. Um, okay. Um, is, um, he’s an hour away.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Is there an hour back into town?
Yinlare: Yeah.
DM: Uh, yeah, uh, he lives right on the outskirts.
Yinlare: Oh my god, so putter is an hour back, like going back to the inn, right? Oh my god, excellent. If you want to fill out all the information, just give me his address.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Yeah.
Yinlare: I’m heading back into town anyway to get an inn for the night.
DM: Yeah, whatever works.
Yinlare: I’m happy to just pass by on the way there.
Yinlare: If you can warn him, I’m coming.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: It’s out of my hair quicker.
DM: Hey, I need a document 47 B, I think, or B and C. We’ll figure it out. A couple seconds go by as the guy comes running in. Very clearly trained to be a very quick fetcher of documents. He grabs the document, makes sure it’s all right, begins to fill in the information, and he basically empties it—not empties—hands it to you with the recipient, just completely blank, obviously. He says, just give me a minute, I need to write a letter just to make sure the notary doesn’t get any weird ideas or anything.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Thank you.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Thank you.
DM: Perfect.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: He folds it up, puts it in an envelope, and he writes the notary’s address on it.
DM: And he hands it to you. He says, he’s usually asleep at this time, as most people are.
Yinlare: Excellent. Butter, do I need to roleplay that, or can I just as we’re heading back into the inn okay, as we’re heading back to the inn I’ll get it notarized and I’ll just kind of put it on the inside of my jacket I’m going to kind of walk I want to just head back I don’t know when this would be Dragon’s time but that would be, you know, I don’t know Right. There is something quick that I want to do whenever Dwagon’s done, but obviously you can get back to him right here.
DM: Just knock until he answers. He might be a little grumpy, just hand him the paper so he’ll know what to do.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Now you can just you can just do it.
DM: This would be way after the horrible thing that is about to happen for this poor man.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Okay.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: It won’t take long, as long as I can perfect it.
DM: We do not need to sneak in roleplay another murder, sneak in. He does, it doesn’t seem to be an answer. He, he kind of runs and opens the door.
Aerendyl: I’m not.
Aerendyl: I’m not.
Yinlare: Unless.
Aerendyl: I’m not going to torture the man.
Aerendyl: Unless…
Yinlare: Yes.
Aerendyl: Unless it’s, you know, a pretty bad guy.
Aerendyl: Anyways.
Aerendyl: At this point, I’m going to walk up to room 63, and I’m going to give a nice…
Yinlare: Sorry.
Aerendyl: A nice knock.
Aerendyl: Do do do do do do!
Yinlare: Sorry.
Yinlare: Sorry.
Yinlare: Well, Just make him puke up along and he dies on the spot. Well, Yeah.
Aerendyl: I’m just going to be like… I’m going to take my metal hand and just scrape the door.
Aerendyl: As he opens the door…
DM: Oh my gosh, what do you want?
Aerendyl: As he opens the door…
DM: Don’t even ask, can I, the answer is going to be yes. That’s a require, that’s asking a lot. That’s probably going to, that’s probably going to be a roll. I would say it should be basically.
Aerendyl: Butter, can I… Can I punch him so hard in the gut that he knocks out? That’s something I have to roll. Yeah, I wanna punch him with my fully charged metal fist, by the way. Like, I’m talking the… I scratch, I hear the running, and I just charge up the fist.
DM: No, no, no.
DM: It’s just old cartoon. Well, just the flat D 20 for me. Because if I roll it, then you’re definitely not doing it. Are you kidding me? I figured out how to roll my die and it rolls high. I’m not making this up. I’m not making this up. I am not making this up.
Aerendyl: So what’s the rule?
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Okay, I got a 16. What, did you get a 15? Why do I feel like you’re rolling more than I am? This is bullshit.
Yinlare: Wait.
Yinlare: Dragon, you’re not.
Yinlare: Right.
Yinlare: Right.
Yinlare: Dragon, listen to me very carefully.
DM: Look, look, look, look, look.
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: When you when you Oh, so he’s your Okay, dude. Dude, I didn’t know we could fucking manipulate dice rolls. I’ll start doing that from now on. I don’t know that was illegal. Do I can keep in mind if we’re if this is the guy we’re pitching to be his dog and if this is the guy that we’re pitching to be his the murder II probably can’t take care of him like you can’t be brutal with them.
Aerendyl: This is bullshit.
DM: If I roll like this.
DM: All right.
Aerendyl: He’s cheating!
DM: You know what?
Aerendyl: Wait a desk!
DM: The dice are cursed.
Aerendyl: Oh, I’m just gonna knock him out, tie him up, question him.
DM: Anyways, yes, you’re able to do it. I was just, I was just test rolling. You successfully have a temporarily incapacitated individual.
Yinlare: You’re gonna be just quick and easy.
Yinlare: Okay, front off.
Yinlare: Go crazy.
Aerendyl: As he opens the door, peek-a-boo, bang!
Yinlare: Brunch.
Yinlare: Peek-a-boo Nick.
Aerendyl: What I’d like to do is I’d like to get him on the chair, and I’m gonna use the rope that I had that I used on the other guy. I’m gonna tie him up to it, same like military-style knots. I’m gonna make it nice, I’m gonna tie his legs up, and I’m gonna do the same thing to where I made it to where he couldn’t like move his neck. And as he’s knocked out I’m gonna go to the pillows and take off the pillowcases, fold them nicely and then put them in the corner. And then I’m gonna sit on the bed with my hood on and I’m just gonna wait.
DM: Okay.
DM: Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Yinlare: Laura.
DM: Of course, of course.
DM: As you should, as you should.
DM: All right.
DM: Um, after a handful of minutes, he awakens, uh, visibly, you know, disoriented, uh, but what’s happening?
Yinlare: It’s unfortunate for him, dude.
Aerendyl: I’m gonna…
Aerendyl: I’m just gonna speak in elven tongue.
DM: What language is that?
Aerendyl: Wakey, wakey.
Aerendyl: You can’t turn around, remember?
DM: Oh, right.
Yinlare: Duh.
DM: But what language is that?
Aerendyl: I’m gonna speak in elven still.
Aerendyl: You are about to die.
DM: Take it slower.
Aerendyl: But it sounds badass. And then I’m gonna speak in common to his left ear.
DM: Does it make me understand it? I’m sorry, did you say it last? Did you tell me the inflation you want to know? He sells me my weapons, my gear, my everything. Okay, I don’t know why, but if I roll it like this where I just roll down, then it rolls like really low half the time. If I take this and smack it down where it bounces up and then rolls, then it rolls high half the time. No, but it’s it’s happening consistently.
Aerendyl: I said you’re going to die.
Aerendyl: And then I go to his to his right ear and he’ll be like, Unless you tell me the information, I want to know. Oh, information. I’m just going to speak in the Batman voice.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: What is your connection to him?
Aerendyl: I’m going to say the name.
Aerendyl: I forgot.
Aerendyl: It was like, what, Kendrel?
Aerendyl: What is your relationship with Kendrel?
Aerendyl: Are you lying?
Aerendyl: Insight check. Oh, he’s telling the truth?
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: I rolled a nat 1.
Aerendyl: That’s just called a random chance at rolling. You’re just losing.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: This is bullshit.
DM: 17, 18, 16, 19.
Aerendyl: He’s learning.
Aerendyl: But yeah, I rolled a natural 1. So, for now…
DM: If I do this, 3, 1, 4, 2, 6. I’m sorry, I want to know why my dice are like this.
Aerendyl: Okay, butter, we get it!
Aerendyl: We get it!
Aerendyl: Can I get back to the killing?
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Are you lying to me?
DM: Yes.
DM: No, I mean, if I was lying, then I would still be lying about not lying. Uh, you, you notice, you, you notice, uh, there’s a hint of, um, whenever you say that he’s a really bad man, there’s a hint of guilt on his face.
Aerendyl: Oh!
Aerendyl: Oh, you’re not! Oh, so you’re not lying! Oh, I’m so sorry!
Aerendyl: I’m so sorry!
Aerendyl: You see, Kendrel’s a really bad person, so I’m just kind of, like, worried.
Aerendyl: Anyways…
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: He was such a really bad guy, you know?
DM: What?
Aerendyl: I witnessed him trying to rape a child.
DM: That’s, that’s, that’s horrible.
Aerendyl: Yeah, yeah, well, you see… I don’t know if you remember me, but you’re the, you’re the, you’re the dickwad who walked in and said, I’m so special, and I was like, no you’re not.
DM: They don’t know what he has to do with me though.
Aerendyl: Look where we are now.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Um, I was talking to the fine, fine lady down there, and she said, you had some arrangements with poor old Kendrel. Now, before we go any deeper into this, I just want to let you know that Kendrel’s no longer living. He’s no longer in this mortal plane.
DM: I thought you were going to say, Kinjil’s no longer with us. He’s moved on to a better place. I mean, I mean.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: So choose wisely the words that come out of your mouth.
Aerendyl: As he’s stuttering, I slap him on the ear.
DM: Um, okay.
DM: Okay.
DM: Okay.
DM: Okay.
DM: So I, I, I, I, I, I’m actually not as strong as I, as I claim to be. I’ve failed those jobs that I’ve taken, but, but Kinjil offered me the chance if I just did some, some things for him while I was out on jobs.
Aerendyl: Oh, really?
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: I’m gonna slightly caress his neck with my metal hand so he gets like a cold, chilling feeling about about like three fingers.
DM: He would.
DM: No, no, it was multiple jobs, just, just simple things, you know, like, like, for example, whenever I was hired by a noble to, to, to, to, to, to go find some, some, um, some, some, some, some marauders, uh, in, in, in Everture. He, he, he, he had me take a box and, and deliver it to somebody there. I, I don’t know who it was, but, but he, he, he, he compensated me for it. Uh, and that happened a lot. I don’t think so.
Aerendyl: What job?
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Like what?
Aerendyl: I slap him on the ear again because he’s stuttering. Do I have an item on me that can record conversations by any chance? Can anything that I have do that? I don’t think so, yeah. I was about to say, because if I could record a…
Yinlare: Yeah.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: I’m only gonna ask this once. And I’m gonna ask nicely. What kind of bad shit did he do? Did you see him do anything?
DM: No, I, I, I, I, he, it’s only ever been shipments.
Aerendyl: Can you testify?
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Shipments of what?
DM: I, I thought that it was for his business.
DM: What?
DM: I, I, I never looked in the crates.
Aerendyl: Insight check.
DM: Go ahead.
Aerendyl: Eight.
DM: He’s lying through his teeth, as far as you can tell.
Aerendyl: Okay, this is what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna go to his left ear. And he’s just gonna see this metal hand emerge from the side of his right eye. And it’s gonna slowly grab his chin and just start slowly tightening.
Yinlare: Yeah.
DM: Okay.
Aerendyl: What was in the crate?
DM: Okay.
DM: Okay.
DM: Okay.
DM: Okay.
DM: I looked once.
DM: I looked once.
DM: I looked once.
DM: On the most recent trip, I was curious, so I opened the box.
Aerendyl: Mhm.
DM: It was a dark elf.
Aerendyl: I just start squeezing tighter.
Aerendyl: Shit.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: I say shit, audibly.
DM: Yeah, he was asleep. He looked kind of young.
Aerendyl: A dark elf, you say?
Aerendyl: And I let go of his chin.
Aerendyl: Male or female?
DM: I don’t know.
DM: Male?
Aerendyl: Male
Aerendyl: or female? Oh, that was fine.
DM: Yeah, really?
Aerendyl: No, I’m joking, you stupid little- stupid little bitch.
DM: He is, yes. He does seem to be telling the truth.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: You’re so stupid. You, is he human? You stupid filthy humans, you stupid idiots. You inferior race. Anyways, where was he taking this dark elf? And is it only dark elves or was there any others?
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Insight check.
Yinlare: So it’s death.
Aerendyl: Fifteen.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Dirty bitch, bro.
Aerendyl: I’m gonna…
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: This time the hand is gonna come over his eyes. And it’s gonna like, I’m gonna like make it look like it’s twitching and like… Like breaking. And it just starts like clicking and clacking. And then it’s just gonna go still.
DM: Okay.
Yinlare: Correct.
Aerendyl: And then I’m gonna caress his left cheek.
DM: There is no need.
Yinlare: Correct.
Aerendyl: Where…
Aerendyl: where were they taking this dark elf?
DM: Uh, that one was the Snowvale.
Aerendyl: Just moving. I’m urgent.
DM: There was a merchant. He was in the back alley.
Yinlare: Correct.
Aerendyl: Names. Insight check.
DM: I didn’t get a name. I was just told where to meet him.
Aerendyl: 12.
DM: He is telling the truth. He’s leaving out a little bit of information, but it’s not a big deal. Look, I, I, I, I, I, I swear, I don’t know, I only found the last time.
Aerendyl: So…
Aerendyl: You traffic…
Aerendyl: Beings?
Aerendyl: Is that what I’m hearing?
Aerendyl: He’s a…
Aerendyl: He’s not a human trafficker.
Aerendyl: It’s not just humans.
DM: I, I, it might not have been that for the other times. I, I, I don’t know, it might have just been weapons, or armor, I, I, I. I, I, I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Yinlare: Correct.
Aerendyl: Well, some of them, probably. But if he was trafficking a dark elf, maybe some little human girls, boys? Is he into boys?
Aerendyl: Is that what he likes?
Aerendyl: Is that what you like? Do you like little boys?
DM: N-no?
Aerendyl: Inside shit?
Yinlare: Correct.
Aerendyl: Three?
DM: It seems to be telling the truth.
Aerendyl: What about little girls? For what purpose?
DM: I mean, I’ve always wanted a daughter someday. To have a daughter?
Aerendyl: For what purpose?
Aerendyl: So you want a daughter.
DM: I love how everybody just immediately goes to castration.
Aerendyl: Well, what if I…
Yinlare: Oh.
Aerendyl: What if I were to cut off your balls so you can’t have that daughter? What if I take off that little pecker of yours?
DM: That seems… That seems extreme.
Aerendyl: So you can’t do that?
Aerendyl: Don’t worry, I will knock you out so you don’t feel a thing. Yo, wake up. A quarter of a man. Yes, and that’s not saying a lot.
DM: Are you saying 75% of me is down there?
Yinlare: Correct.
DM: You did it!
Aerendyl: Hahahaha!
DM: Look man, I didn’t mean to do anything wrong. You’re telling me you wouldn’t deliver a box if somebody paid you 40 gold per box?
Aerendyl: So anyways.
Aerendyl: Well, you did.
Aerendyl: And that’s the sad thing, is that people like you exist. Your whole race exists. I’m so sad.
Aerendyl: Only 40?
Yinlare: I could just kill him.
Aerendyl: Wow, cheapskate.
Aerendyl: At least 200 minimum.
Aerendyl: Geez, you don’t even know how to do your line of work. I’ve killed for more.
DM: Well, it was originally higher, but…
Aerendyl: It was original.
Aerendyl: I don’t want to hear that shit, you stupid, human, idiot, I cover his mouth. Shut.
DM: Well, if I try…
DM: It’s never here.
Yinlare: Correct.
DM: Mm-hmm.
Aerendyl: Up.
Aerendyl: For now, until I ask him the next question.
Aerendyl: I let go.
Aerendyl: So.
DM:
Aerendyl: What if I…
Aerendyl: cut a deal with you? You see, the fine young lass down there, she wants to get a divorce. Before the news comes out that Kendrew’s dead. But there needs to be a reason. I mean, you seem to be that reason. I could frame him for your murder he bolted.
DM: Mm
Yinlare: Correct.
DM: -hmm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
Aerendyl: Or…
Aerendyl: Or we could frame you for murdering him and then you bolted, but magically you also disappeared.
DM: Mm-mm.
Aerendyl: Or I could wait for my colleague to return. He’s much scarier than I am.
DM: Look, look, okay, wait, wait, is it gold you want?
Yinlare: Dude. Bro, and…
Aerendyl: Uh…
Aerendyl: How much gold do you have?
DM: I have gold.
DM: I think I’ve made a mistake.
Aerendyl: Where is it?
Aerendyl: Oh, really?
Aerendyl: Are you sure your line of work or being born wasn’t a mistake enough? You inferior human being. Where’s the gold? Where?
DM: Okay.
Yinlare: We’ll go right back to it.
DM: Okay, um, look, I, I have, I have. It said a bank.
Aerendyl: Where?
Aerendyl: Where?
Aerendyl: Where?
Aerendyl: Oh, to the bank.
Aerendyl: Oh, then I don’t fucking want it. You’re gonna die.
Yinlare: We’ll go right back to it. The Sundered Doctrine email is out by Bungie. You can see, like, your total statistics. Did you pull it out?
DM: Okay.
Aerendyl: You seem to be confused.
DM: Okay.
Aerendyl: Okay, Nate sidebar. What do I do here? It just says I had like 407 defeats, which seems bullshit. I saw it earlier.
Yinlare: What’s your first run?
Yinlare: What was your final blows? Dude, my name got cut short. It just says RNGesusLordOf.
DM: Final blows.
Aerendyl: Um.
Yinlare: Yeah, I got it today.
Aerendyl: Promotions, Bungie.
Yinlare: I got it like a couple hours ago. I mean, yeah, it was the same run. I had 17 deaths in 727 final blows. I think it was because it was the first clear. What was your damage in lock set damage? Wait, read me out your total zoatic lock set damage. 3,289,687 zoatic lock set damage on my corev. What was your corev?
Aerendyl: It says your first run I had seven deaths, 434 final blows, and 51 minutes boss time elapsed.
DM: Yes.
Aerendyl: Could that have been normal mode?
Aerendyl: Lock set damage was 3.289 million and carav was 660. 3 million 200,000 or 289,091. 660,000.
DM: Okay.
Yinlare: Yes, Randu for corev!
DM: Okay.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Yinlare: Me having 5.3 mil.
Aerendyl: Anyways. So what would you recommend?
Yinlare: Oh my god.
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: Anyway, subject change, go back to raping him or something.
Yinlare: I don’t know.
Aerendyl: Good sir.
DM: Okay.
Aerendyl: What would you do in this scenario? Would you? Would you die? Would you die?
DM: Here’s.
Aerendyl: Or do you have another way of living and getting what we want?
DM: Here’s my idea.
DM: Okay.
Aerendyl: I am listening. You have the floor. Soon you’ll be on the floor.
DM: I, I, I give you all of the gold that I have in the bank.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: That you don’t have.
DM: Okay.
Aerendyl: You’re lying through the skin of your teeth, I can feel it. Did he do tax evasion? Oh, so the the worst crime he did was tax evasion and not trafficking.
DM: No, no, listen, listen.
DM: And then we frame him for tax evasion.
DM: I would assume so.
DM: Well, I think divorce only requires a crime, it doesn’t matter of severity, you know, and then you let me live and everybody walks away.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: Well, how about this?
Aerendyl: How about this? Well, you see that last statement is going to contradict what I’m about to say. How about I cut off your arms and legs, keep your head on, and then you can testify.
Yinlare: Like a turd in the wind.
Aerendyl: In the wind.
DM: No, I mean, I can’t testify. I haven’t seen anything.
Aerendyl: So you say you want to walk out of here, but that’s going to be kind of hard to do when your legs are gone. Oh, so you didn’t see the little tiefling get trafficked. Sorry, he’s a dark elf.
DM: I mean, no, I didn’t because if I did, that means that I trafficked him.
Aerendyl: I forgot about their race too.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: You didn’t see that! You’re an accomplice! Yes, so hear me out. Would you rather go to prison for a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very long time or fucking die?
DM: Honestly die? But we don’t have to go that far.
Aerendyl: Oh, good.
Aerendyl: Cause I wasn’t going to let you live in the first place.
Aerendyl: I like toying with my victims. You see, I started off with, with, with him, the one who shall not be named. I started by cutting off his toes first and his fingers and his legs and his arms and his tongue and his, you know, his, his meat down there. It wasn’t much by the way. I won death.
DM: Okay, look, I get it. I get it. You know, it’s not money that you want, you know? Um, I, I know where he was supposed to meet his next, his next run.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: Justice.
Aerendyl: And where would that be?
Yinlare: No.
DM: I fear I’ve made a mistake.
DM: I will tell you. As soon as I’m safe.
Aerendyl: As he says that, he’s gonna feel a metal hand grasp his neck from the back and start tightening very quickly. Butter, can I try lifting him by his neck with the chair still under him?
Yinlare: No.
DM: No, no, no, no, no, I, you, you understand, I can’t just, I can’t, I can’t, Sam, you, you killed me. That depends on three things.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Yinlare: Thank you very much.
DM: One, did you take off his armor before you tightened the chair? So is he basically in underwear? Okay, then go ahead and roll me a strength check please. I understand. Yeah, that’s gonna be a probably not.
Aerendyl: His armor? Probably. I probably would have taken off his weapons as well. Uh, whatever, like, base clothing he had on. Of course, I’m not trying to, like, kill him or anything.
Yinlare: Thank you.
Aerendyl: Dude, that was cocked. It went from 18 to a 5. Okay, that’s, uh, that’s a 6.
Yinlare: Yes, please.
Yinlare: Thank you very much.
Yinlare: Go.
Yinlare: Thank you very much.
Aerendyl: Luckily, he can’t see me, but he just- he just feels like he’s in pain.
Yinlare: Thank you very much.
Aerendyl: So, jeez you’re fat.
DM: What?
Aerendyl: You should work out more. Anyways, where’s this meeting at?
Yinlare: New
DM: I’d be happy to tell you as soon.
Aerendyl: You tell me the meeting place or you fucking die right now. If you want to test that theory, I’ll cut off your arm right now. And I won’t cauterize it because I don’t have access to that, so you’ll most likely bleed out within two minutes, but that seems kind of rude. Fine. I personally will not kill you.
DM: No, no, no, no.
Yinlare: line. New line.
DM: I just.
DM: Look, I just need to guarantee that you’re not going to kill me anyway, you know?
DM: There’s a lot of loopholes in that statement. Maybe we.
Aerendyl: You said you didn’t want me to kill you.
Aerendyl: I will not kill you.
Yinlare: That’s the best you’re gonna get. Oh my god, Dragon, just tell him you won’t kill him. You’re like fine, I won’t kill you.
DM: Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, you know, just say that you, you, you, you know, your companions, as soon as you have them or, or you.
Aerendyl: Who is your companions? Who else worked with you on these jobs? Tell me their names right now. You seem… you seem to not grasp the situation. You either tell me in hope that I’m telling the truth or… you kick the bucket, which will be kind of hard to do when you don’t have legs.
DM: Or maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe you won’t indirectly.
DM: Okay.
Aerendyl: I’ll kick the bucket for you.
Aerendyl: Wait, now that sounds like I’ve just killed myself. I will kill you. Fine.
DM: Okay, but, but, hey, I understand. I can’t.
Aerendyl: I’m gonna look him in the eyes. I’m gonna turn his chair. And I’m gonna give him that stare of just like, I will not kill you.
DM: Roll, roll deception or persuasion, whichever one’s more accurate. Good situation. Is this the truth? He says, okay, um, uh, if you go to his, to a shop, uh, two buildings over, there’s, uh, in like the back, there’s like a, uh, underground, um, like cellar. Uh, that’s generally where he, he, he meets, I think.
Aerendyl: If you give me the information that I desire.
Yinlare: Here, here, here, here.
Aerendyl: Uh…
Aerendyl: Uh…
Aerendyl: That’s a that. And that’s a that. I think I’m gonna go persuasion. It depends on the role. Uh, so that’s a five for persuasion.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: I won’t kill him. I, I, me, Arendelle, will not kill you. Okay, now who’s your colleagues?
Yinlare: No, he said, he said, you said you or your colleagues won’t kill him right. I’m just gonna leave him there tied up, I’m just gonna fuck off.
DM: So, okay.
DM: Now, you know, so, uh, you know, you can, I, I don’t, I don’t have colleagues. He was saying like, for you to say that. You are correct.
Aerendyl: You just said you would not harm me or my colleagues, if, if I have them.
Aerendyl: Oh.
Aerendyl: Oh.
Aerendyl: Well, luckily I didn’t say me or my colleagues wouldn’t kill.
Aerendyl: I just said I wouldn’t.
Aerendyl: Okay, so it’s over there. So what you’re saying is, if I go to that location, I might figure out what kind of shit he was into. Is that correct? You think, is this confident? Are you lying to me? Of course you’re lying.
DM: I, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think. I, I, I would never lie.
DM: Lie. Of course he’d lie. But, he is telling the truth, that he… Now, whoa, yeah.
Yinlare: I’m just gonna leave him there.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Well.
Aerendyl: As per our agreement, I will not kill you.
Aerendyl: I’m just going to use the orb of zoom to call you in there. Oh, so what Andrew and them would also hear this? Well, since they’re not here during their next session.
Yinlare: I didn’t know we had something to talk about. Oh my god, that’s right.
DM: Yup.
DM: Yup.
DM: Are you going to use the orb of zoom? It doesn’t work like that. It’s a group conference call. No, remember, it’s a time-related message, so they’ll receive it next session. Yes, everybody will hear it and it will show up transcribed because it has to get a transcription built in. At this point, you would still be on your way to the barn. You would have been at the other place. You would have already taken care of that. You’d be on your way directly to the barn.
Yinlare: I’m just gonna get a recorded message.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: So if it’s enormous zoom that means it’s a group call, which means he’ll hear what I’m saying right now.
Aerendyl: I’m sorry about the other two. Sorry about that. I need to contact you there. So are you busy? Are you done with your things?
Yinlare: Yes, yes I am.
Yinlare: What?
Yinlare: Where would I be by this point? On my way back from the barn?
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: Would I have been met with the other place or on my way there as well?
Aerendyl: Oh, okay.
Yinlare: Busy right now, no. Currently on my way to the barn.
DM: Thank you.
Yinlare: Having just taken care of, um, I guess I’m a criminal mastermind now, but that’s something to be discovered at a later date.
Aerendyl: Um, I do believe that Kendra was trafficking people. I believe he’s a very bad individual.
Yinlare: Lucky for you and I, I now have a massive criminal organization that works for me, so if we have an address and location, I’ll just send them to go hunt down those little cronies. Say no more, just like the bartender I see. I’m on my way after this. Yes, we have done some very not very legal things over here. So just kind of plug your ears and go la la la until it vanishes.
Aerendyl: Well, we already knew that.
DM: Thank you.
Aerendyl: Oh, good. Well, whenever you’re done with what you’re doing, if you can come here, come back to the inn, go to room 63. I have a man tied up here. He was a colleague of Mr. Kedrel. I told him, I promised him that I wouldn’t kill him. So I’m hoping that you could kill him for me. Yes, thank you very much.
DM: He’s a man of his word.
Aerendyl: All right.
Aerendyl: I’ll see you in a bit.
Aerendyl: And as I end off the note, as I end off the message, I’m just going to be like, oh, Shane and what’s his name?
Aerendyl: Aragorn?
Aerendyl: Ah, Shane, Aragorn. You didn’t hear any of this. It will make you into accomplices.
DM: Thank you. He’s a man of his word Now, short rest, yes.
Aerendyl: I end the call.
Aerendyl: I’m just gonna wait around now. I’m just gonna sit. I’m gonna put this guy up onto the wall. He’s just gonna be staring at me. And I’m just gonna sit on the bed and pull out like a notebook and just start reading something. Yeah, I’ll be meditating at this point. Is it possible for me to like meditate to get my long rest in? Well, I can get a short rest. Unless you want to try and get some information out of them, since you know more than I do.
Yinlare: All right.
Yinlare: It’s all my way back.
Yinlare: I’ll be back in like, you know, an hour and a half or so.
Yinlare: Two hours.
Yinlare: You would you have to. You can, but if I’m going to come home, we’re just going to murk the guy and then take a long rest, are we not?
Yinlare: I mean.
Yinlare: Sure.
Aerendyl: How’s Okay.
Yinlare: I guess if I’m going back, I’m going to get the fucker notarized as long as it’s a notarized document. I’ll leave it blank and kind of put it in my jacket pocket, kind of walking in just kind of is she at the desk right now? Yeah, I’ll ding the bell and then take a seat for a second.
DM: No.
DM: No.
DM: She is not.
DM: The sign is back up. She’s probably back in bed. After a handful of minutes, she kind of comes out.
Yinlare: Hi, I’m so sorry to bug you, but I’m going to pull out like a small journal that I have and I’m just going to be like, currently not going to get into my own businesses, but I’m heading to what I hope is my home after this. I’m meeting up with a loved one and I want to kind of hold a collection of the people that I’ve met, most of them not so good people, but for the good people like yourself. What did you say your name was?
DM: Yes.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Okay.
DM: Um, my name’s Katrina. Katrina Hearns. Oh, wait, you’re giving her the house in Ameria? I thought you guys were going to take that house. I thought we were about to get base of operations, but no. Alright, um, yeah, uh, she just kind of takes it. I’m sorry, I don’t understand.
Aerendyl: you you you I was not expecting Yin there to be a good guy. I thought that was gonna be like the party’s house. Yeah, no, but this is even better.
Yinlare: Last name?
Yinlare: Your actual last name, not whatever it was when you were married to that fuck.
Yinlare: And I’m going to pull out. I want to pull out the deed document and I’m going to sign her name.
Yinlare: I’m going to hand it to her.
Yinlare: Yes.
Yinlare: I understand that as much of a piece of trash as he was to you and your daughter, that he did to some degree provide for you. And I understand that him no longer being on this earth has kind of put you in somewhat of a bad spot. So hopefully that you can leave this dump behind and get to a place that actually you were able to start anew. It’s best not to ask too many questions, just know that I’m good at what I do. Also, if you’re ever attacked or mugged or have any problems with any of the criminals, mention that you’re with me and they’ll just kind of scamper off.
DM: What is this?
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: I don’t understand.
DM: Why does this have his father’s name on it? For the record, just to make sure we are on the same page here. The house is in Ameria on another continent. I don’t know how to thank you.
Aerendyl: You can also sell the property.
Yinlare: I’m aware.
Yinlare: I’m aware.
Yinlare: I’m just, because I assume she’s not just going to pack up everything and leave right this fucking instant. So I’m just kind of like, if you’re here for an extended period, like getting money to actually have a little bit of like a savings before they leave, this is kind of just if you ever have any trough problems here. You could also just sell the property, true.
Yinlare: Whatever you do with that property is of yours to control, but there’s an opportunity for you to begin anew. Whatever you choose to do with that is of your own making. If you have an opportunity to help somebody, that’s a need. Take that opportunity, pay it forward.
Aerendyl: I knew you were gonna fucking say that. You can just knock.
DM: That would give it to the next person is wild.
Yinlare: Double it and give it to the next person.
Yinlare: Now, if you’ll excuse me, I will allow you to get back to bed. I have one last problem of yours to take care of. Um, feel free, and um, you might hear loud noise in a couple of seconds, just kind of ignore it. Appreciate it.
DM: Okay.
DM: And that’s better.
DM: I’m going to go lay down. Think. I can certainly do that.
Yinlare: Walk upstairs, what is this, room 63? No, no, fucking choke a baseball bat swing, just crunch the door open. Oh my god, you know what I gotta do? I gotta rip the door.
DM: Now he just goes up and he goes.
Aerendyl: I just, I just take my notebook, I put it down.
DM: Let’s go do.
Aerendyl: Oh!
Aerendyl: Oh, would you looky here, your executioner’s here.
DM: Oh.
Aerendyl: left.
Aerendyl: I’m gonna be like, Ha! … Boy with him a bit.
Yinlare: So you’re this bloke I’ve heard before.
DM: The guy’s like, oh, oh, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Yinlare: I will happily I will happily I’m gonna kind of pull it if you’d like, but I was that you starting to say something or him starting to say something. Okay, in that case, I’m gonna take the quarter staff and put it like an inch away from his face.
DM: New paragraph.
Aerendyl: Hahahahaha!
Yinlare: I go.
Yinlare: I’m not even looking at him. I’m still looking at wagon. I’m just holding the quarter staff behind me like an inch from his head.
Yinlare: Talking stick cannon. Or whatever the fuck your name is. You are welcome to either enjoy the investigation or if you’d like to go ahead and start getting your sleep, I’ll be getting some sleep myself here in this moment, but twice as long. I’m not necessarily worried about them talking or not. You choose violence, I choose more of a persuasion. I’m not going to hurt him as long as he co-operates. He might even get mad with his life. Excellent.
Aerendyl: Hahahahaha!
Aerendyl: Here?
Aerendyl: Feel free to take your time with him. He’s very fun! He might not talk as much so you might have to give him a little inspiration. I actually did not hurt him. Well, his neck might be bruised a little bit but that was for fun. Anyways, I’m going to go to the room now. Just make sure that I- Oh, you see those pillowcases in the corner? Don’t get any blood on them. She was very like, please don’t put blood on the pillowcases. I’m like, yes ma’am. The seats are fine, they’re old. Yeah, you too. I’m gonna- Yes, please do.
DM: New paragraph.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Yinlare: Alright, I’ll make sure to do that. You have a good rest of your night, my friend. Do you want me to wake you up in the morning for going down to the garage post? Oh, um, one more thing, just something to keep, um, I’m gonna kind of like, uh, just, um, close your eyes and hold out your hands.
DM: New paragraph.
Aerendyl: Me?
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: New paragraph.
Aerendyl: Oh, you know, I like surprises. So why is it that you get 5,000 and I get 2,000?
Yinlare: And there’s 2,000 gold in the bag.
Yinlare: You weren’t supposed to know about that!
Aerendyl: Hahahaha! Hey, hey, hey.
DM: New paragraph. New paragraph. New paragraph.
Yinlare: Um, also because I assumed I’d be paying for transport, considering this is a my family situation kind of a deal.
Aerendyl: All that matters is that we made bank off of the misfortunes of others.
Yinlare: What are- you put two mercenaries together! I don’t know what you expected!
Aerendyl: Well, butter, butter, butter.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: You took away the logic and just gave the reason.
Yinlare: Yeah, we’ll sit, Dragon!
Aerendyl: Yep.
Yinlare: Right, well, you- I’ll make sure to keep it quick and relatively quiet, um. I’m just- I’ll come and wake you up whenever we head down to the card’s post. Something like that, I’m sure.
Aerendyl: Oh no, feel free.
Aerendyl: I’m gonna go crash now.
Aerendyl: I’ve been feeling pretty unlucky recently.
DM: New paragraph.
Aerendyl: Yes.
Aerendyl: Alrighty.
Aerendyl: I will see you in, like, fourish hours. Alrighty. Have fun, you little man! And I close the door slowly.
Yinlare: Um.
Yinlare: Um.
Yinlare: Kind of like, turn and look at him.
Yinlare: As I said before, I’m not told what I said. As long as you… As long as I’m concerned. As far as I’m concerned, we’re both equals. Dragon, did you take his weapon?
Aerendyl: His armor’s on the floor, but I would have kept his weapon. Was the weapon good by any chance, or was it very shit because it was from him?
DM: New paragraph. Yeah, it’s a great sword, but. It’s actually the giant slayer great sword.
Yinlare: Does he have a weapon, or did you take it?
Yinlare: Okay, awesome.
Yinlare: Um.
Yinlare: It’s just a typical longsword.
Yinlare: Very typical, like, base longsword, I assume. It’s a greatsword minus one type of shit, fucking negative magic item. Um, I’m gonna kind of like walk. Okay, well, it’s a vorpal sword fucking type of shit, dude. Um, I’m gonna kind of walk over and like just pull out like one of my daggers and just kneel down and kind of cut him free.
Aerendyl: Good cop, bad cop.
DM: Yeah.
Yinlare: As I said before, we are, I’m happy to speak with you on the level of equals.
Yinlare: If you cooperate with me, I’m happy to cooperate with you. Or did the organization have a name?
DM: Yeah. We need.
DM: They did not have a name. As far as you’re aware. Anyway, you can really ask.
Yinlare: They’ve caught that.
Yinlare: Or is it just random criminal in?
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: Um, look, um, here’s what you need to understand.
DM: Yes.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: I guess technically I am. No, no, no, no, no, I have only ever done stuff with the control. I didn’t realize it was illegal at the time. I thought I was just delivering goods. I think that sounds above board.
Yinlare: First of all, let’s let’s just get to the chase. And otherwise, you’re a criminal, regardless of what you put it. You’re a criminal. Am I correct in that presumption? Yes, you are. And if you’ve ever done any jobs with the large group of them that form out in the warehouse, some…
Aerendyl: Good luck.
Yinlare: Oh.
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: Right, right.
Yinlare: I totally understand not just a delivery boy.
Yinlare: I get it. But Kendra worked for them, and they all now work for me. Which means by context, you work for me. At least, just in terms of information gathering, I won’t have you do any tasks or anything like that, I assure you. So, he was delivering them. How often was he delivering these packages? Three times a month.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
DM: So, uh, whatever.
DM: It would be twice, maybe three times a month.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: And who was he meeting with when he got these? Was it the same person? Was it different people?
DM: I wasn’t with him when he met.
Yinlare: Who was it?
DM: He implied it was the same guy, but I don’t know.
Yinlare: And who was this person? What details can you give me? You can feel free. Continue. Oh my god, my prediction from so many sessions ago is finally coming to fruition and it makes me so fucking angry.
DM: Other than the fact that I’m pretty sure it’s a guy, I… He seems hesitant to say something.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: I…
DM: He said that it was a high elf. I don’t know what the context behind that is. Yeah, at this point I’ve just gotten used to it. That is true. Or, alternatively, we can leave Ian there and then just rework him on the backend. That’s an option.
Aerendyl: Hmm?
Aerendyl: The fuck?
Aerendyl: How do you know you’re going to find your wife?
Yinlare: See, Butter, why do you have to drop the good elf lore when I have to get rid of my good elf character? My banger super OP win every encounter elf character? Uh, I know I’m going to. See, I know I’m going to, um, because I know damn well that butter does not want to play another session with god yin lair. Yeah, but imagine imagine how nice it will be when actual game balance is restored.
Aerendyl: It could be a trick.
Aerendyl: Y’all have yum there for another three sessions. She’s making on the dark elf.
Yinlare: I’m Yeah, okay, dude.
Yinlare: Nah, I have to find my wife, man. Also, yin lair is meant to be super OP. Yes.
DM: Okay.
DM: Yeah.
Aerendyl: She’s making on the dark elf.
DM: Are you a disease.
Yinlare: Um, is that all the information that you gathered? Is that what he was, a high elf,
DM: That to me. Well, I think, um, uh, I, I, I, I think.
Yinlare: etc.?
Yinlare: You do not need to stutter or anything, just be honest with me.
Aerendyl: As most elves do.
Yinlare: Yes or no?
DM: Okay.
DM: I’ve tried. Uh, I, I, I believe his name starts with an A if, if that helps? Now, now, pause. Have y’all even considered the possibility that this is all just Dark Elf slave labor? In which case you guys should be for it.
Yinlare: Hmm, Arendelle’s the one.
Yinlare: You’ve been buying up a large stock of dog-elves for killing, haven’t you, my friend?
Aerendyl: She’s making
Yinlare: Ah!
Aerendyl: on the dark elf. You just hear six rooms down.
Aerendyl: No.
Yinlare: No?
Aerendyl: No.
Yinlare: So, starts with an A, high elf. No, shut up, um, what other, is it, so, shut up, um, so have you remembered anything else, anything else that you remember about?
Aerendyl: Oh.
Aerendyl: We’re in the process of making money from this, so of course we’re not for it.
Yinlare: Or is that all?
DM: I think he has an accomplice?
Yinlare: And you know anything about that You’re having an inside check. Is there anything, even if it’s not related to the direct conversation, is there anything under the hood that he’s hiding? Any kind of, I just want to get a sense of is he trying to skirt around or hide anything at all from me? I rolled an 18 before modifiers, uh, 24. I kind of, okay, I’m gonna, like, I’m gonna pull my, I’m gonna take both my quarter staffs and I’m gonna like put them together in one hand and just kind of lean them across the far wall.
DM: He’s not a high elf. I don’t I’m uh… you much Thank you.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Okay, go on with it.
DM: Should we fall in this situation? He’s stuttering out of fear that your niceness is just a facade that you’ll drop and kill him. Um, like I said, he- he- he’s uh, he’s been there, uh, pretty sure not to block her off. Um, he’s, uh, how do I put this, um, I saw him once, uh, not good enough to see his face or anything, uh, pretty sure he was, like, a little less than seven foot, uh, wide build, but that’s all I know. No, no, uh, not, not enough.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Just like, those are my weapons.
Yinlare: They’ve been pressed aside.
Yinlare: I promise you I’m not going to hurt you. I would not lie. I do care about my word. So please, no need to be afraid. Please continue. What else do you know about this accomplice? You can not remember any other details than just wide build elf.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: I’m almost positive.
DM: His ears weren’t sharp. Oh, uh, very, very, very little hair. I think I saw him the once. I could probably find out more.
Yinlare: So, probably, like, a gnome, maybe? No, below seven foot.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: It might be a goliath.
Yinlare: Or a furbolg, or any of the other seven THOUSAND D&D races.
Yinlare: And you’ll show that there’s nothing else that you can remember.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Let me go ahead and I’m going to reach in and grab my book.
DM: I mean, I have contacts I could inquire.
Yinlare: As you know, as I told you, a criminal organization now works for me. Can you give me the names of these contacts? Perhaps they work under me.
DM: Um, yeah, there’s, um, there’s, uh, Armon, um, he’s, uh, he’s a tiefling. Uh, then there’s, um, Edgery, uh, she’s, um, pretty sure she’s a halfling.
Yinlare: I’m happy to reach out myself as well.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Is that all?
DM: Yeah, that came up.
DM: Um, there’s, uh, there’s Sherman, but he very rarely knows things. Um, uh, Kalel? Uh, I mean, he knows things at the docks.
Aerendyl: Superman?
Yinlare: Okay, bro.
DM: Um…
Aerendyl: Superman?
Aerendyl: Bro said Kal-el.
Yinlare: He said Kalel Bush.
Aerendyl: That’s Superman.
DM: Um, that’s it for here.
Yinlare: Is there anything else?
Aerendyl: Is it K-A-L-E-L?
Yinlare: Um, inside check.
Aerendyl: How do you spell that name, Kal-el?
DM: Go ahead.
Yinlare: Actual 20.
DM: C-A-L-L-E-L. A natural 20. Uh, he is hiding something. Yeah, um, I’m gonna be honest, I thought you were gonna kill me. I wasn’t entirely honest, there’s another name. Um, uh, uh, Cable? Um, he’s… How do I put it? He knows things he really shouldn’t. I don’t know how he knows them. Um, but he’s also really skittish.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Okay, excellent.
Yinlare: In that case, I’m going to fold up my book. I’m going to put it in my jacket pocket and just kind of stand it up and regrab my staffs.
Yinlare: You have been great help. Just feel free to go ahead and leave whenever. Give it about maybe 15-20 minutes for her to get down to bed. And you’re welcome to go ahead and head by your way.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Who, like, does he do anything? Is he maybe one of the city guards?
DM: So…
DM: I don’t know.
Yinlare: Is he just another criminal?
Yinlare: What does he do?
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: I don’t think he ever leaves his house, but somehow he knows a lot.
Yinlare: All right.
Yinlare: Well, um, and in like a instant, like in a two, three second timeframe, I’m going to use my foot to like, like you would with a skateboard, like kick flip one of my quarterstaffs into my hand and just into the side of his head with as much force as I can muster. Not not going for a kill, not even going for a knockout, just going for like metal on like, like I want to break some bones, crack the side of this fucker skull, and just just running up to desert even an attack roll or anything or just kind of just just fucking smash. And I’m just going to kind of like, get down like, like elbows on knees like crouch position and just fucking lie to me again.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Time to a chair!
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: What role would this be for?
Aerendyl: That’s a good copy.
Yinlare: Now, anything else you’ve forgotten to mention?
DM: I don’t know!
DM: I’m sorry, but I don’t show everything at all.
Yinlare: Anything else?
Aerendyl: I wasn’t familiar with your swag.
Yinlare: Anything else out of handbutter with another natural 20 on my insight? Well, um, well, then I’m gonna spin my staff, you’ve proven yourself worthy, and I’m actually happy to let you go this time.
Aerendyl: He did.
Yinlare: And I’m gonna kind of go up behind him and I’m gonna pull out my knife to kind of cut his ropes where his hands are, and I’m gonna take the knife and run it across the length of his neck.
DM: I’m sorry, did you just say you’re actually going to let him go and then slice his… I mean, he dies in agony, confusion, betrayal, but he’s dead now, so… Hey, keep in mind, actually, you guys share a room, because you guys pretended to be a couple when you arrived, for whatever reason, so you guys are sharing room 69, the honeymoon So sweet.
Yinlare: Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Yinlare: Yeah, you know what? I’m so sorry.
Yinlare: Sorry for hurting you.
Aerendyl: Yippee.
Yinlare: And that’s, man, that sucks.
Yinlare: I’m gonna grab like a piece of like, fucking, I’m gonna take a post a note that just says don’t enter to room 63. I’m just gonna stick it on her door and then knock on dragons door and see if he’s still like, knock, knock, buddy.
Aerendyl: Hey, man.
Yinlare: I forgot about that.
Yinlare: In that case, you know, I’m gonna go to the room. I’m gonna kind of take my dagger still like covered in blood and just kind of like flip it and offer a drag on the handle.
Aerendyl: Is he still alive?
Yinlare: You did the majority of that work. You want a piece of what’s left. No, he’s dead, but the knife at least has what’s left of his internal organs, if you want that as a keepsake. That’s still not room.
DM: Hey, anybody need a GTX 1050?
Aerendyl: Where’d you put the body?
Aerendyl: Oh, well.
Aerendyl: Give me the knife, I’ll clean it up. Why do you have that?
Yinlare: Yep, there’s the knife, there’s the bag of holding, it has the rest of his body parts in it. Minus pinky, because that guy was a weirdo.
Yinlare: No?
DM: Like, I have three!
Yinlare: Wha- You have fun with that. Make sure you do get rest, we have things to do in the morning.
Aerendyl: Why?
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Yinlare: And I’m gonna go to sleep. I assume Dragon’s just gonna chomp up his body and throw out the bag of holding in the blood body mosh pit that we’ve currently occurred. Oh, wait wagon.
DM: Please tell me you’re keeping an accurate inventory of how many chopped bodies you have in your bag. I understand, however, I require your pocket stand to be individually, you know.
Aerendyl: I’m just going to throw his body into the bag of holding. I’m not going to chop it up yet. Well, this is this is kind of like a throwaway bag. Like if I want to like it’s like pocket sand, but body parts.
Aerendyl: Thank you.
DM: Just in case.
Yinlare: Never mind.
Yinlare: I’m sorry to ruin your fun. But what time is it? 6am.
DM: It would now be 6 a.m. .
Yinlare: Oh, shit.
Yinlare: OK, I’m not going to have time for a long rest, I don’t think. Well, fuck shit. OK, here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to take a long rest. It will take four hours. And I am. I’m going to go back to the room. I’m going to where if Dragon has put his body, I’m going to take his body and I’m going to just kind of wake up. I’m going to be like, you meet the guard station in like 20 minutes. I’m going to run to the I need to go back to the blacksmith shop and dump off the body and kind of if I can, if go back to the blacksmith shop, dump off the body. If I can mimic his handwriting best, I can using the ledger and just being like, this is a result of the crimes that you’ve made. Some fucking really like some really like open ended. Oh, absolutely. Some like open ended. Like this is a result of the crimes that you caused.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Are you gonna frame him?
Aerendyl: Fuck yeah.
Yinlare: Yada yada.
Yinlare: And then just go like, I’m leaving town. Fuck my wife. Fuck everybody I dealt with, et cetera, whatever. And then just throw the note on the body and I’m going to go to the guard station with a dragon.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Okay.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Yinlare: Bring me my money.
DM: That’s certainly.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
DM: I think that is a fantastic place to end session.