Yinlare: Sound like you are.
DM: You guys went on your wonderful journey all the way over and you guys were just arriving here. Dragon, yes, that is your assumed destination. But you guys have just docked at Conquest. And, of course, the usual you say your goodbyes and everything, too. You’re now wife, Dragon. She’s a PiancĂ©. Yes, you’re correct. I’m going to be real with you. I forgot that your campaign even existed. What days are it?
Aerendyl: It’s just a little guy.
Yinlare: We need to get to what?
Yinlare: Snowdown?
Aerendyl: Yes.
Yinlare: No, no, they are specially engaged.
Aragorn: New paragraph.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Yinlare: Hey, butter, I hate to side tangent here, but do you ever plan on coming back to my campaign or no? I just kind of thought of it when I was, because I saw your character when I opened up my thing. Understandable, because I know I hadn’t reached out in a while, but I’m just kind of trying to like, is that something you want to do or is that you just kind of would better stay like Sunday, Sunday night.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Aerendyl: He forgot.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Is it again?
DM: Sundays?
DM: It’s probably not going to work.
Yinlare: Fair enough.
DM: Sorry.
Yinlare: Keeping keeping my I mean no it’s totally fine I haven’t had you for a while it’s not me banking on anything I was just like oh you know what I saw your character in there. I was like I mean we’re not we don’t go late we’re done by 11 if that helps at all but probably not. I think dragons upset you’re not playing poe yeah what’s the reasoning behind that huh you. yeah yeah look at these this guy is four and a half hours on the how much time do you have on the game total butter oh yeah it has but like my hour like I got a couple hours on the game too dude. Father did that in good form of it. I played the game I played a little bit too like I have less time than you do I got I’m pretty sure, but I’m I’m enjoying it I think butter would enjoy it too. Yeah, I think I think I have less time than you.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
DM: Not really, bro. I gotta sleep early.
Aerendyl: It’s fair.
Aerendyl: It’s fair.
Aerendyl: You slut. When I’ve never seen you play the game.
DM: Okay.
DM: Dude!
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
DM: I’m in Act 2!
DM: What do you mean?
DM: Yes, I’m invisible!
Aerendyl: Are you offline?
Aerendyl: Why? I’ve never seen it go up. So I was scared that you didn’t like it.
DM: I’ve been 10 hours on the game! I know, I know. I was not planning on doing that. I appreciate the warning bell.
Aerendyl: Ten.
Aerendyl: It has gone up. Hey, whatever you do, just do not type in the main chat. I’m going to rape your babies. What path of exam?
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Aerendyl: Yeah, you only have a bit of hours.
DM: Yeah, you’re in.
Aerendyl: You know, compared to me, you have only 230 or 270. I only have 130, so I think I have more. If that’s how math works. I mean, I’m doing statistics right now, so…
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Yinlare: That’s kind of what I’m thinking.
Yinlare: Yeah, you probably should go study buddy I understand why you spend so much time.
Aerendyl: Shall we, uwu?
Yinlare: What’s that?
DM: Oh my gosh.
Yinlare: What’s your power level?
Aerendyl: Over 9000. How about we start D&D?
Yinlare: Oh my God, I need to find that.
Yinlare: I need to find that clip and send it to you real quick.
DM: Okay.
Yinlare: While we’re starting the NDA.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Yinlare: I got to find the clip and send it to you.
Yinlare: Start the NDA.
Yinlare: Go, go, go. It says be in likes.
DM: Why do you guys like this?
DM: Anyways.
DM: Um. Yes, you guys dock here at Conquest and you are saying your goodbyes to the crew and the handful of acquaintances you now have and your fiance, Dragon.
Aerendyl: Good bye, you shawty.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Yinlare: Okay.
DM: Alrighty.
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: All right, then.
Yinlare: Bye, Shadi.
Aerendyl: I will see you later.
Yinlare: Shadi, a little baddie for real, for real.
Yinlare: Gritty off the tip of the dragon.
DM: I think…
Yinlare: That’s how Dragon breaks it off with his… Hey, I know you’ve got to go run this ship, so… I’ve got to go deal with this?
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
DM: Zayla, you’re an alligator.
Yinlare: See you later, alligator!
Aerendyl: It’s not like I actually said see you later shawty, I did like a normal, you know, normal person.
DM: Oh my gosh.
DM: Yeah, okay. She just leaves at that, so that’s a thing.
Yinlare: They had…
DM: Of course she did.
Yinlare: May I ask, Dragon, how was the long-term relation… How was the breakup sex? Breakup in quotation marks, so you know you’re not breaking up. How’s he going away sex?
Aerendyl: What?
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Yinlare: Was it good?
Aerendyl: Um, remember my last character flint? No, flint rock hard.
DM: I Why are you like this? I don’t think you are sorry if I’m being honest here. That sounds like something a sleeper angel would say.
Yinlare: Wait, not good!
Yinlare: Oh yeah.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Yinlare: I don’t know what that means. Did she have a threesome with him?
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: No.
Yinlare: Did he come back on the ship?
Aerendyl: No, like flint rock hard, you know, you know, sorry about that butter.
Yinlare: What does that mean?
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: What you’re saying is your dick was pretty massive.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Aerendyl: Sorry.
Yinlare: There’s a massive.
Aerendyl: He said massive.
Aerendyl: Sorry.
Aerendyl: We say our farewells.
Yinlare: Do I get pulled Eric to get a low tape?
Aerendyl: Yes.
Aerendyl: I said, sorry, butter. You see, I’m really sorry because he said massive again and I didn’t do it. See, doesn’t work anymore.
Yinlare: Massive.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Yinlare: There’s a sleeper agent inside all of us.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Yeah.
DM: Oh, my God.
Yinlare: Great car.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: I’m so sorry. I can’t think. Yeah, that seems accurate. Yeah, so you did that. You guys hopped into what.
Yinlare: It’s okay, but I forgive you. We said our goodbyes and we left the ship. Dragon and I hopped in the Miku car and we went to the town.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Yinlare: That’s a long rest.
Aerendyl: We hopped in the Mechamobile? We didn’t hop in a Mechamobile. That doesn’t exist in this world. Wait a second. Is this whole world just Chapter 6 Season 2? I’m so sorry. I am so sorry.
Yinlare: We hopped in the web.
DM: Yes.
DM: Yes.
DM: No, no.
Yinlare: That’s what you think.
DM: Definitely not the Meco mobile.
Yinlare: A fortnight? Where are we dropping boys?
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
DM: I’m.
Aerendyl: I’m done.
Yinlare: I’m done with D&D, bye, good session. I’m thinking Miku, Miku.
Aerendyl: Not with D&D, with my shenanigans. Shut the fuck up, Nate! Before we lose our chance. I’m sorry. I said I was sorry and I meant it.
DM: Who are you?
Yinlare: It’s free.
DM: I. Okay.
Yinlare: We broke him. I apologize too, you know, I’m sorry.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
DM: All right, maybe we can get through this. Yeah, I’m not going to tell him you said that. I’m also not going to tell him you said that. Mostly because he’s not in the room. He’s just that loud.
Yinlare: I’m on mute.
Aerendyl: Hi.
Yinlare: Damn it.
Aerendyl: Hi, Buttersdad.
Yinlare: You know what tracks tracks.
Aerendyl: Drax.
DM: Okay.
Aerendyl: That does drag. Drax?
Yinlare: Tracks.
Aerendyl: Mm-hmm.
Yinlare: Conquest.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
DM: All right.
DM: All right.
DM: You guys have arrived at calm crest.
Yinlare: I’m a dazzle.
Aerendyl: Oh, it looks like that other port city, but blue.
DM: Congratulations.
DM: Welcome to calm crest.
Yinlare: Is it like, is it. Daytime nighttime. Do I get to have a cross apple? Is it actually snowing right now? Is it nighttime or daytime or early morning? What time?
DM: Yes.
Aerendyl: It’s just a copy paste.
DM: It is not.
DM: Hang on.
DM: Now I have to defend myself.
DM: Hang on.
Aerendyl: Oh, there it is.
DM: First of all, that right there is calm crest, and this is very different.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Yeah, my bad, my bad, my bad.
DM: Okay.
DM: Here we have snow.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
DM: Yeah.
DM: It is currently daytime. It would be approximately noon, give or take a little bit. I did want to mention this though real quick. As you guys kind of enter, it is obviously snowing, so it’s different weather than you’re used to. But something that stands out to you is that the roads appear to be made out of ice. As they are… As it’s literally ice. As such, you guys not used to walking on ice, it basically acts as difficult terrain.
Yinlare: Noon?
Yinlare: Hey, do you want to get brunch?
Aerendyl: I’m sorry.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Aerendyl: Oh.
Yinlare: Wait.
Yinlare: Hey, um, whatever. Um, a little sidebar here with me for a second. Um, player knowledge, not character knowledge, and I swear on my life that I will not do anything in using my player knowledge. Is this where that dumb bitch is at? From like session from like session one was like, I’m gonna get that dress.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Aerendyl: What No, she treated me like, like, like a commoner.
DM: Yes.
DM: Sidebar.
DM: Sidebar.
DM: Oh, yeah It’s Yeah, you’ve never been here, Chief.
Yinlare: God damn it, dude.
Yinlare: Missed opportunity.
Yinlare: We’re coming back here and I’m killing the Queen at some point.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Yinlare: Just just a heads up.
Yinlare: Just just heads up.
Yinlare: There is nothing in this world that will stop me from coming back here and killing the Queen with my bare hands.
Yinlare: She’s a bitch.
Yinlare: She treats people like shit.
Yinlare: It’s OK.
Yinlare: You’ve never been here.
Aerendyl: My bad.
Yinlare: He has, and I know. I’m so funny.
Aerendyl: Hey, I’ve been here now. I feel pretty welcome. I see what you did there. Um, can I look for the random, like a random bystander and ask him for the time of day? Excuse me, good sir.
DM: That is true.
DM: That is true. However, as I was explaining, the people here are, from what you’ve heard as characters, you guys are very aware that normally people in Levantia are very cold towards outsiders. You are, you are. But at this point in time, since you guys are at the main location of things coming and going from this nation as a whole, as it’s the only naval city, it’s more indifference that you’re kind of there. They’re not really going to give you the time of day, but they’re not really going to give you You gave my pawn the cold shoulder.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Yinlare: You’re still dead with my shit.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Yinlare: We’re not looking like a prep basically. Hello, kind sir.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
DM: Yeah.
Yinlare: What time would it be?
DM: Oh my gosh, that’s so stupid.
Yinlare: I have lost my watch. Is he going to give me the time of day? Is he going to give us the time of day? Our time of day?
DM: I love it.
DM: You see a guy dressed in literal drip. My guy’s got on a business suit. You waddle on up and you ask for the time of day. He turns back to you and says nothing and walks away. Oh my gosh, y’all are unique individuals.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Yinlare: Get the supreme bag.
Aerendyl: What about the time of night, good sir?
Yinlare: Goddamn, let’s kill this guy.
Yinlare: Can I fucking?
Yinlare: I need to get an image.
Yinlare: Do I need you to send me an image of your car? You put the fucking image together fucking layer in Arendelle fucking Arendelle. We’re going to have to kill this guy. The fucking like we’re gonna have to kill this guy.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Aerendyl: The hand on the shoulder meme, we didn’t look at you. In there to, to, you know, maybe if we need to like fit in, I can make each other monocles. Make us look fancier.
Yinlare: Oh my God.
Yinlare: I was.
DM: Thank you so much for joining us.
Yinlare: Wait, how are we getting to.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Yinlare: Let me see.
Yinlare: I have.
Aerendyl: Oh, money.
Yinlare: Okay. We’re gonna have to get a. How much money do you have?
Aerendyl: Um, how do you say zero in Elvin?
DM: Do you want to go to the sketchiest bar that you can just immediately see? Okay, well you guys are currently chilling here. So from your view, you can kind of see down this whole road here. You see right on this corner, it looks like a run-of-the-mill bar. It’s not very sketchy, but it’s not necessarily, you know, classy either. Yeah, you can probably find a better place if you want to, like, deeply go around, you know, kind of… Yes. Okay, so you’re looking for an average Joe that probably lives there.
Yinlare: I think it’s the same.
Yinlare: That’s in my bag right now, which is zero.
Aerendyl: Let me let me double check right let me check my bag real quick.
Yinlare: Any other
Yinlare: questions? It works!
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Aerendyl: Oh, sorry.
Yinlare: Absolutely rolling!
Aerendyl: Four.
Aerendyl: My good sir.
Yinlare: That’s my good sir!
Yinlare: My good sir!
Aerendyl: We can make a fortune by telling people the time of day.
Yinlare: Okay, butter, sketchiest bar in my eyeballs. Uh, yes. Meta game. Can I find a darker place by looking around or is this the best I’m going to get?
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Aerendyl: I turn around. Shane, where’s your crow?
Yinlare: Okay.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Yinlare: Fuck.
Aerendyl: Oh, wait, he’s not here.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: In there.
Aerendyl: We might be a little fucked here.
Yinlare: No, just trust me.
Aerendyl: In there.
Yinlare: I’m going to like, I’m going to.
Aerendyl: We have to walk.
Yinlare: God damn it.
Yinlare: I haven’t been doing for too long.
Aerendyl: I’m sorry.
Yinlare: I can’t be serious with this shit.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Yinlare: Okay, better. I’m looking for. I’m looking for somebody nearby who is not like, not super high class, not super low class. Maybe somebody who looks like they’re familiar with the area.
Aerendyl: Damn.
Aerendyl: Also, make sure he’s a different race because then he’ll really know the sketchy places.
Yinlare: Yeah.
DM: Okay.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Yinlare: Oh my god, wait.
Yinlare: Dragon, we, dragon were washed. Flutter, are there any dark elves in my line of Yeah, set me up, dragon.
DM: I literally have a note open 24-7 when we’re playing D&D that literally says, If there is a dark elf, the elves immediately clock it. There is no need to be like, oh, is there a dark elf? It’s put down. If there’s a dark elf, you guys clock it. There is not a dark elf in your immediate vision.
Aerendyl: Oh, good.
Yinlare: Okay, good.
Aerendyl: Okay, cool.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Aerendyl: So there’s not. There’s also black. Ah, so a commoner from the suburbs.
Yinlare: All right, normal, uh, normal Joe.
DM: Alrighty.
DM: Well, as you’re kind of looking around, you kind of see a person that’s, they’re not necessarily dressed up to go anything too big, but they’re wearing decent clothes. He looks to be maybe in his mid-30s. Yes. So around his like mid-30s, he kind of has a shopping cart or a shopping thingy. Why is the Ratatouille on my screen? Oh, my gosh. Okay. I’m sorry. I was so, uh, he’s whole.
Yinlare: Yes. All right, you’re muted.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Aerendyl: I’m sorry.
Aragorn: Hello, welcome to my lecture.
Aerendyl: I’m sorry.
Aerendyl: Andrew went to Disneyland, and he got a ratatouille. Sorry, I need to see the orb of power from Guardians of the Galaxy. I’m sorry, I need to see this butter. He got shit from Disney. He got Star-Lord’s jacket and the orb.
DM: Oh, my God.
Aragorn: You guys want to see my orb?
Aragorn: You guys want to see my orb? butter. Do you like guardians butter? Do you like to see?
Yinlare: No.
Yinlare: I showed you my arm.
Yinlare: Please respond.
DM: Yeah, yeah.
Yinlare: Open it. Oh, it doesn’t have the cool like, it doesn’t have the cool like opening like from Guardians where there’s like the big beam energy beam in the center fucking rip off. Oh, fucking Andrew, we won.
Aragorn: Thank you.
Aragorn: Thank you.
DM: Oh, my gosh.
Aerendyl: Dude!
Aerendyl: Dude!
DM: Don’t touch that.
Aragorn: And then so it clips in so like you’ll when you get the infirmity sound you can take it out. It’s already comes out and then you can like clip it in. You have to wait for me to
DM: Risky.
DM: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Rent a girlfriend.
DM: Okay. Okay. So, yes, he kind of has on his arm a bag with generic groceries, some bread and such. You can kind of piece together that he probably just finished shopping. He kind of, whenever you put your arm… We kind of like jumps and turns to kind of like see who’s talking to him at the moment. Once you explain what you want, he kind of says, I don’t go to bars particularly, but I’m pretty sure there’s one down that road over there. And he kind of points. No, he points to over in that direction. Well, you’re kind of right here. So he kind of pointed just in this general direction area. You can’t really see anything that looks too obvious to be a bar.
Yinlare: We won.
Yinlare: Hey, not a butter. You want to you want to tell Andrew what we got on jellyfin? We got rents a girlfriend on jellyfin, I will I will wait for you to watch it on. I swear to God, I will wait for you to watch it.
Aerendyl: Alright, now we can continue. I’m so sorry for that butter.
Yinlare: All right.
Yinlare: Yes, yes,
Yinlare: yes. Side to side.
Yinlare: Normal Joe.
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: In that case, I’m going to do what I typically do when I’m doing sketchy, edgy shit, is I’m going to go ahead and kind of socket my mask back on into place and throw my hood up and kind of walk up behind him, not necessarily in a threatening way and just kind of like rest my hand on his shoulder for a moment and just um so you’ll have to forgive me I’m a bit uh new to the area but um looking for a maybe a bar of sorts that I could interact with other people of my type so definitely not a high or lower class area something a little bit less do you think you could point me in the proper direction? Can you just point at the bar to them? Can I see it from where I currently am or no?
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: In there.
DM: No.
Yinlare: Well, I appreciate you.
Yinlare: And I’m just going to kind of, I’m going to look over at the wagon and just kind of nod and I’ll kind of like, wait for him to like get out of my shot and just kind of stand up, like, put my mask down and shit like that. Just kind of go back to normal.
Yinlare: Yes.
Aerendyl: Asking for the time of day.
Yinlare: I’ve already forgotten, unfortunately, but I do have a place that we can go to make some money.
Aerendyl: Oh, are we getting rich today in there? What about your wife who seems to be dying alone in a corner some far, far away.
Yinlare: Get rich quick schemes with yours truly.
DM: Okay.
Yinlare: Through, and that is number one on my to do list.
Aerendyl: Other than money.
Yinlare: Unfortunately, unfortunately, do you want to walk?
Aerendyl: Oh, oh, you know me so well. I hate to walk.
Yinlare: Because I don’t think that’s going to help us get there relatively quickly.
Yinlare: Making money gets us there faster.
Aerendyl: How’d you know?
Yinlare: And the fastest way to make money, I’m going to hold up my right hand and use minor illusion.
Yinlare: It’s just a pyramid. It’s just going to appear in the palm of my hand. Well, more of a scam artistry.
DM: Are you seriously about to say you want to do a pyramid scheme.
Aerendyl: You know, you know, we should have really just kidnapped that one guy who had like the really fast carriage.
Yinlare: Trust me, I know what I’m doing. Sketchy bar.
DM: Oh, my gosh.
Yinlare: I don’t think they would.
Aerendyl: She just kidnapped him with us.
Aerendyl: They would never know.
Yinlare: I don’t think we could have kept him on the boat for that long.
Aerendyl: Well, I made connections with the captain. It would have worked out.
DM: Yeah.
Yinlare: Does Eric still hate Dragon? Eric, OK, sketchy bar. I roll with my stealth modifier and perception modifier.
Aerendyl: Yup.
Aerendyl: Eric.
DM: Okay.
Aerendyl: To the sketchy bar. Well, now I’m sad. My lights and my fans seem to be going out.
DM: You kind of head towards the area that he pointed out. And you don’t really see it looks particularly like a bar but you roll a perception check your class.
DM: No.
Yinlare: Damn it.
Yinlare: Damn it.
Yinlare: Let me just roll it again just to see what I. Damn it. Perception. Oh, no, I have it.
DM: It’s a what.
Yinlare: Seventeen.
Yinlare: Seventeen.
DM: Okay, fantastic. You see kind of in between two buildings right under the A. In the alleyway there’s a little some stairs that go down as you can kind of see as you kind of go towards it. A little sign that shows a, obviously it’s a bar, a mistaken mug with alcohol in it. It seems to be embedded in the basement of a, seems to be a shop of some kind. Although they’re closed and boarded up, so you’re not sure exactly what it used to be. But in the basement there is a bar.
Yinlare: Eleven plus six.
Yinlare: I saw eleven.
Yinlare: I’m like, shit.
Yinlare: I have it plus six.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Oh, my god.
Aerendyl: Should I just look menacing with my hood on?
Yinlare: All right.
Yinlare: We have.
DM: Hello, welcome.
Yinlare: We have two options.
Yinlare: We can go for the.
Yinlare: We can go for the bar fight to make quick money and establish our dominance here and then make the real money, or we can go for the guesswork and maybe make real money.
Aerendyl: You seem to be more of a scumbag than I am.
Yinlare: Your choice.
Yinlare: I’m going to take that as a compliment.
Aerendyl: I’ll let you decide. No offense, by the way.
DM: Yeah.
Aerendyl: No, that was definitely a compliment.
Yinlare: For the time being, I’ll totally take it as a compliment. I’m taken. In that point, we’ll go for the maybe not necessarily a bar fight per se, but we’ll go for the maybe make people not the happiest with us and see where that takes us.
Aerendyl: No, no, not for the time being.
Aerendyl: That was genuinely a compliment.
Aerendyl: I don’t know what you’re on about.
Aerendyl: I was not trying to offend you.
Aerendyl: I was just saying, you seem to be knowing more about how to scam people, and that’s what we need. As long as I fill up my pockets, I think we’ll be fine. Do you remember that one time we infiltrated that one cave and I answered the door with like a weird voice?
DM: Yeah.
Yinlare: I’m sure we’ll be fine.
Yinlare: Are you a good Victor?
DM: Yeah.
Yinlare: Can you put on a show?
Yinlare: Yes, I remember that not working pretty well in our favor. That’s, you know, relatively true in that case.
DM: Yeah.
Aerendyl: It worked!
Aerendyl: They opened the door and we sacked them!
DM: I don’t.
Yinlare: Okay, but I’m going to kind of unclip my glamour weave and kind of wrap it around dragon shoulders. I’m going to kind of like tap on it and it’s just going to become like this like like hippie spotted flower t-shirt type of shit.
DM: I don’t.
DM: I don’t know if I like where this is going, but continue.
Aerendyl: Should I alter self to make myself look different?
Yinlare: All right.
Yinlare: I’m going to kind of like just gesture and I’m going to just hold for just a second. And I’m going to kind of do my little creeping down the alleyway. I succeed my stealth check. So you don’t even have to ask me to roll it. I promise you, you’re not going to need to. This is going to become such a shitpost so quickly. You do not need to use alter self. I want you to save your level 2 spot anyway.
DM: Yeah, no, you got it.
DM: You got it.
DM: Don’t worry about it. It is exactly the sketchy dark bar that you were looking for. It is there is a door, although it’s kind of open a jar but so you can kind of see in and it is exactly what you would hope. Very rowdy. Definitely a lot of what appears to be low lives in there. There are also plenty of regular people as it seems to be relatively large inside. There’s also even actually at the bar itself, there’s even appears to be a city guard, although he is 100% not guarding and 100% drinking.
Aerendyl: I’ll put it…
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Okay, cool.
Yinlare: Spell slots.
Yinlare: Okay. I’m going to kind of creep up a little bit. I’m going to get close enough. Is this the sketchy dark bar that I was looking for? Is there a door or is it just a walk-in?
Yinlare: Very last question here because I need this to all kind of I need my my almighty puppet master strings to kind of take over the scene here. Are there like, you know, 80s diner barstools that like like barstools like up, like I can walk front and sit down right in front of the bartender, like dead center of the room.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Yes.
DM: Yeah, there is. I don’t know if I like where this line of questioning is going, but. Okay, definitely doing a lot here.
Yinlare: Excellent.
Aerendyl: Am I following you by the way?
Yinlare: Excellent.
Yinlare: The plan is coming in motion, everyone.
Yinlare: All right, wagon.
Yinlare: I’m going to come back and get you now. Can I kind of come back? And I’m just going to like very much like look dead in your eyes, no matter what happens.
Aerendyl: Oh, okay.
Aerendyl: Play along with what?
Yinlare: Play along.
Yinlare: You’re about to find out.
Yinlare: And I’m going to put my hand around my dragon’s shoulder. I’m going to flip my hood back, like literally like flip my hood back, like pull my hair out. Like I’m kind of like maybe open the cloak a little bit, kind of hold it down, kind of take my quarter staff and lean it over my shoulders, maybe minor illusion it to kind of remove any of the like tally marks. And I’m just going to kind of wrap my hand around this dragon’s shoulder, and I’m going to go and I’m going to stroll right the fuck in. I’m literally we’re going to walk through the door, I’m going to have put the biggest fucking smile on my face, just hi everyone. I’m going to walk right to the back of the room. I’m going to sit down. I’m going to stare at the bartender. Me and my friend here are from out of town. You’re going to have to forgive us for being a little bit not understanding of your culture here. I’m so sorry. Is there something I can maybe get like a drink or something to eat? So, he kind of like reaches over with his hand and kind of sets the menu down, right? Second he does that, I’m going to reach out and kind of grab his hand, not even like an It’s kind of a grab it. Friend, you should maybe take some like meditation, heavy breathing. You kind of seem a little bit, you know, rough and permeable. I think there’s, I think inside there, there’s a heart of gold.
DM: The bartender. And it turns to you and says, Oh, my outsiders.
Aerendyl: Do you have anything gluten free?
DM: Yes, you can order what you want.
DM: Here’s the menu for outsiders. He hands you a. One second.
DM: Hang on.
DM: Hang on. Let me explain what you see on the menu first. As you can clearly see to the left of you is the guard that I said previously and he has a menu that has countless items on it right front to back tiny print everywhere like options galore. On your paper you have three options. You have bread. You have beer and water. Those are your only options that he has provided you.
DM: Yeah.
DM: You know you’re so stupid, right? Okay.
Yinlare: That’s the goal.
Aerendyl: Is this bread gluten-free?
DM: You know what?
Yinlare: I am happy to make some checks here to keep this shit going. The second he puts his hand down, kind of holding the, the, whatever the hell it was, I’m going to kind of reach out and grab his hand, like not in a aggressive way. I’m like, you know, thumb and forefinger kind of grab his palm a little bit and just friend. You seem a little bit rough. Maybe take some deep meditation, some understanding about who you are. Because I think deep down inside, there’s a heart of gold and I’d love to see that happiness come through. Absolutely the fuck not. I’m very, this is not, this is not even flirting. I’m just putting on not like sunshine beaming through my goddamn teeth type of smile. Persuasion, not necessarily deception for putting on a thing that’s, you know, not me. I’m not trying to persuade him to do anything. I’m just trying to kind of, I’m trying to do more deceive him that me and Dwagen are, you know, this is not just us fucking around. This is actually who we are. So yes, then deception, OK, 26. Is the ground here made out of like a dirt or is this like a paved ground, like ice still? OK, is it enough that if I like shift my foot a little bit, I can like kind of break it or no? Okay. Okay. In that case, I’m going to kind of like look over the menu. I want to have like, you know, the absolute loudest possible kind of quote unquote whispers with the dragon about like the, you know, this kind of looks nice. This this is, you know, just I’m trying to like, if it’s not already clear, I’m trying to rile him up very much like, you know, does this look good to you? Excuse me, sir. What is he having? That looks like a much bigger venue than us. No, no, I think he means well. Sir, it’s totally fine.
DM: Hang on. Just rewind. Okay. I need you to re-say what you said. Just to make sure I’m following exactly what you’re saying. Are you flirting with this bartender? I just wanted to make sure that we were on the same page here. Okay. Alright. Make a persuasion check, please.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Um.
DM: I mean, you’re not necessarily trying to actively deceive him. You’re right. The. Okay, sure, sure. I gave you deception. It was either between deception or performance. Yeah. That’s not what I expected. Yes, obviously with a wonderful 26, you are able to deceive him that this is who you are. However, it’s not like it changes very much as he just kind of to… He doesn’t even have the words to respond. You know whenever somebody is just so fed up with your statement that he just couldn’t care less? That’s the kind of vibe that you get. He says, if you want something, just order it. The floor is made out of floor. But to be real with you, it’s like a early early version of what would be cement. No, it would be a little more secure than that. The bartender looks at you both and says, it’s bread or beer. This is not a hard decision.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Yeah, yeah, I can, I noticed that.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: This could be good, but if only like it doesn’t say anything about being gluten free. Is the beer alcoholic or is it non-alcoholic? Are you are you giving us a whole different menu? Let me speak to your manager.
DM: Yes, it’s alcohol.
DM: It’s none of your concern.
Yinlare: I’m sorry.
Aerendyl: But I don’t want the bread.
Yinlare: I know you’ve had a long day. We’ll each have bread.
DM: It sounds like an old fairy couple.
Yinlare: It is okay.
Yinlare: Let the nice man get you your bread. I don’t want to rush you. Do you know how long it’s going to take to get the bread?
DM: I don’t understand.
DM: There’s just a sigh of epic proportions. He turns around, grabs the stale bread that has been sitting there since you walked in, turns around and puts it on the bar. It says bread. It does not say fresh bread. I wrote it in crayon. It just says bread.
Aerendyl: But the menu says fresh bread. In the meantime, butter, I wrote down fresh bread as he turned around.
Yinlare: Hey, hey, no, you know what?
DM: Okay.
DM: Here’s the question.
Aerendyl: Yes, I want to match his handwriting.
Yinlare: Right.
DM: Are you trying to match his handwriting or is it just going to be super obvious rash on the side?
Aerendyl: I’m a master craftsman after all.
DM: Okay.
Yinlare: If I, if I, if I see him doing this, am I able to maybe like, if, if do I can check isn’t high enough? Can I like, you know, minor illusion a little bit to just kind of, you know, perfect the imperfections type of stuff. I think performance or deception once again, but that’s very much a DM call. Depending on how you look at it, you could also have it set as insight, but yeah, I think so.
DM: Okay. Dragon, please make a…
Aerendyl: Good.
DM: This isn’t…
DM: I would say performance might be the best option for this check, unless you have something better. Deception, I think it would be closer to performance, because you’re actively trying to replicate something more than lie. Oh, it could be insight. Okay, performance or insight. You get to choose. Yes, you’ve got you guys have had a lot of progress at this point. It’s inside our performance. That’s a genius, I’m pretty sure. Okay, at 17. All right, as you kind of write it out, it’s pretty close. Um, he, whenever he, you know, turns back, gives you the bread and you say, oh, it says fresh, actually. Uh, he goes, no, it’s just as bread. I wrote it to myself. Fine, but, uh.
Aerendyl: On our way out last time, did we get a long rest? Okay, because I didn’t get a long rest at all because I need to use lucky and I’ll do this. Okay, that’s that.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Yinlare: What did you have it set up?
Aerendyl: And what was the role?
Aerendyl: Insight or performance? I’m going to choose insight because there’s that and I’m going to have to give a plus five to myself. I can do that, right?
Yinlare: Reform.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: You.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: When you, okay, yeah. Then that’ll make it a 17.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: It says fresh bread, though. Look at it right here.
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: Hey, look, we’re perfectly okay to wait. I don’t want to put you out if it’s going to take that long.
Aerendyl: It’s like if we’re ordering fresh bread, we want to get fresh bread. We don’t care about the wait time.
DM: You.
Yinlare: I’m totally fine to sit here.
DM: You actively see him, like, turning around, like. Like, did somebody write that?
DM: I don’t.
DM: He, he kind of grabs the paper and crumples it up. Very clear that he’s throwing it away to make a new menu for outsiders. Uh, he says, your fresh bread will be out in a couple minutes. As he begins to walk away, he stops and turns back. You do have money, don’t you? He turns and walks away. He did not have a price listed. It literally just items and it said, you know, just hope you can afford it, man.
Yinlare: No worries.
Aerendyl: Thank you.
Aerendyl: Thank you so much.
Yinlare: Thank you.
Yinlare: I’m sure we can find something to amuse ourselves in the meantime. Time for step two of my brilliant and semi evil plan.
Aerendyl: Oh, yes.
Yinlare: Absolutely.
Aerendyl: How much was the fresh bread on the menu? Oh, so he’s gonna he’s gonna scam us and we’re gonna fuck him. If the bread costs more than three copper pieces, he’s dying. Poker or liar’s bar. Don’t do it.
Yinlare: From up in town.
Yinlare: That’s fine.
Yinlare: Hey.
DM: I don’t understand the problem.
Yinlare: We’ll be fine. Step two of my evil plan butter. Butter sketchy, like scammy little like, you know, little bar. Are there people gambling currently like playing cards, like playing like a game of joke, like playing not playing a game of Joker. I’m playing a game of poker poker.
DM: Yes, there are people that are actively playing card games. It’s not poker, per se. It seems to be a variation of blackjack, but they are playing cards. They’re keeping it to themselves. I’m actually going to stop you right there. As you kind of get up to leave, the guard kind of turns and says, please don’t start any trouble. I can’t deal with any more today.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Yinlare: Are they are they the question here is are they keeping their cards to themselves or is it like all open on the table kind of thing?
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: In that case, I kind of want to like reach over and kind of tap like do I can tan like just very much the like, stay here for a second. And I’m going to walk up. I’m going to kind of walk up behind this like, I guess if it’s like a booth, right. I totally understand. I’m just going to go and, you know, meet the people.
Aerendyl: I’ll gladly stay.
Aerendyl: I’m
Aerendyl: sorry. I’m sorry.
Aerendyl: I’m sorry.
Aerendyl: I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
DM: Wow.
DM: Outsiders.
DM: He just kind of turns back to the bar and continues drinking. Uh, it is, yeah, it’s certainly a booth. You walk up behind, sneak in, covers his cards, turds. It says, what is wrong with you? As you clock that on the table is a whole lot of gold. We’re talking, he’s got at least 40 gold coins down on his side by himself. You upset everybody at this table. They’re all staring at you contemplating the best ways to kill you. But it appears to be kind of the one that’s running the game, or at least the one with the most money. He kind of just looks at you with pure disgust and says, You don’t talk about the cards. Go back over there, where you won’t hurt anything.
Yinlare: Excellent.
Yinlare: In that case, I’m going to kind of like look over to like kind of walk over. Is it like an isolated, like a booth, I assume? I’m going to kind of like walk over and kind of like look down on the table, kind of like, you know, like coming over from like the back almost and just kind of. Wow, a king that’s that’s really good.
Yinlare: I don’t.
Aerendyl: I’m sorry.
Yinlare: You know, I’m I’m sorry, this looked like a game of. The game of lucky cards, something that I played back. You know where I came from. This is where we all and I kind of go around the other side of the table. Jack, too.
Aerendyl: I’m sorry.
Yinlare: Wow.
Yinlare: I thought on the table.
Aerendyl: Good.
Yinlare: I kind of like, I’m going to take a step back, like throw my hands in the air very much like, well, I’m sorry, was I doing something wrong? I am, I am so sorry. I’m going to kind of reach into my pocket and take like a silver, my last silver piece and just like throw it onto like the pot and just kind of like, you know, I am so sorry. Just continue your game. I’ll watch from afar. I won’t say anything and I’ll kind of walk next to dragon. I’m going to take my quarterstaff. I’m going to kind of like kind of try to ram it into the ground, not really like deal damage, but just like I want to position it to where my, my tallest foot quarterstaff is in the ground next to me. Even if it’s like leaning it up against the bar, I’m going to reach into my bag. I’m going to pull out a needle and a thread. I’m going to start making a dream catcher. Absolutely.
Aerendyl: Yes.
Aerendyl: Good.
Aerendyl: I think.
Aerendyl: Good.
Aerendyl: Good.
DM: Oh, my gosh.
Aerendyl: Lucky cards?
DM: Good, sir. Are you trying to play the hippie?
DM: Okay, you’re cool.
Yinlare: That’s what I thought.
Aerendyl: Thanks for watching!
Yinlare: You know, I saw one of the guys in the back had a queen, too.
Aerendyl: Did any of them have- Like a, what was it, like a, an- Ace? Do they have an ace? It’s gotta be in the deck. We’re just being friendly. What kind of business?
Yinlare: Like, dude.
DM: The bartender walks up to you guys and says, Why do you always, you and your kind can’t help but interfere? Friendly.
Yinlare: Well.
Yinlare: I didn’t see any aces, but it has to be like in the back, right?
Yinlare: Well.
Yinlare: Trying to meet the people. Seriously, I mean this with the most respectful way possible.
Yinlare: Are we doing something wrong?
DM: Not here.
Yinlare: Are we not supposed to really be like, you know, friendly interacting with people here?
DM: You should only be here for business.
Yinlare: What kind of person is this?
Yinlare: No, seriously, what happens at this bar stays between us and you.
DM: What are you, mercenaries?
Aerendyl: What’s a mercenary? The king?
Yinlare: And realistically.
Yinlare: What?
DM: Or just tourists?
Yinlare: Excuse you, this is my fiancee. This place looked beautiful this time of year, what with the snow.
DM: Are you spies for that king? See, I’m hiring people here. Literally, the guy, like, pounds his fist and goes to, like, stand up, and then somebody around him just kind of puts their hand on his shoulder and have him sit back down. They’re all just over there seething in rage. They’re not continuing the game, by the way. They’re just trying to see if you guys are going to do anything else stupid that could give them a good reason to beat you up. Look, there’s only three reasons for somebody to be here. One is for trade, which is very unlikely. Two is you’re a mercenary, and you’re here at the call of the Queen or a noble somebody with money. Or three, you’re a spy, and judging by your behaviors, I’m leaning towards three. Yeah, that’s not what I’m talking about. Who the crap recommended you for bread here?
Yinlare: No.
Aerendyl: Who’s the king? Is it the king in his hand over there?
Aerendyl: I point to one of the guys.
Yinlare: No.
Yinlare: No.
Yinlare: Look, me and my fiancee here, we’re from Brelnada.
Yinlare: We were, you know, just getting ready and wanted to see the world a little bit. It’s always kind of, you know, warm and sunny over there. We wanted to see what a colder side of things would be like. Sorry if we’re stepping on any toes here. I did see earlier that you brought up like business. We were trying to get a little bit of, you know, quick cash to afford the caterer for the wedding and whatnot.
Aerendyl: Well, we only found this place because some random guy on the street was like, yeah, you It was it was just like some weird guy with some weird clothes and I wouldn’t yeah, he wouldn’t go to the time of day It was so mean but you know, I understand cuz like we’re new here I’m not gonna lie. I was also doing the hand thing Anything at all?
Yinlare: Um, what does this, what do you mean by business?
Yinlare: I mean, keep in mind, like I said, if we’re stepping on any toes, you don’t have to answer. But I mean, if we leave here, we’re going right back home. Not like you’ll ever see us again. Look, I’m not going to put my hand on. I’m going to put my hand on.
Yinlare: I wouldn’t even give me the time of day.
DM: You were solving.
Yinlare: I can do I can you turn into Trump there first. You were so mean. I’m going to kind of reach over and like put my hand on dragon shoulder like like just kind of stop for a second. Look, I promise you as as rambunctious as we are, we’re not stupid. I understand the whole like we look by. Seriously, you can ask me anything you want. I promise you, I’m not a spy. I’ll answer completely truthfully.
DM: Oh my God.
DM: Anything.
Yinlare: Anything at all.
DM: Very well.
Yinlare: Still going back to making my dream catcher. Wait, the king of wire. The king of hearts. Wait, the king of what?
DM: What’s the king’s name?
Aerendyl: You mean the king of the king of spades in that guy’s hand?
Yinlare: The king of what?
DM: Caldera, obviously. Just quick pause. I don’t know if you guys are wanting to act like you have no idea what the crap. But as characters, you would know that Caldera has a king. And is actually one of the only nations that actually does have a king as the ruler. And you would know the name, you would have at least heard the name King Tuvna. But you would not be, you’re not positive that that’s the actual king. As there is no real diplomatic relations out of Coldair. They’re basically a tribal state.
Yinlare: Huh?
Aerendyl: The king of who?
Yinlare: Where?
Aerendyl: The king of spades.
Yinlare: No, I genuinely, the king of where?
Aerendyl: Do we know the name?
Yinlare: Coldera?
Yinlare: Okay, butter.
Yinlare: Hey, butter, Mr. hunting the globe. I can make a history check if you want. Can I see if maybe I would know anything else? My first rule is a 19. Okay. 15, 16 minus one.
DM: Um, sure.
DM: You’re going to have to give me history check. Probably a disadvantage. Okay, so 15 final. Um, you would remember, you’re going to have to decide. I’m not going to metagame and tell you if you need it or not.
Yinlare: Okay.
DM: Okay.
Yinlare: Okay, so 30, 20.
DM: With a dirty 20, you would know that his name, you’re 99% sure that his name would be King Tuvna. You’re mostly positive that he’s an orc and that he grows to power through unusual means and usually unusually fast. And the only other piece of information that you have is that he is the son of someone named Tremor, but other than that you have no idea. It seems from the vibe that you guys are kind of getting, it feels like it’s relatively common knowledge in Lavantia. So he’s kind of expecting you to. Tuvna. That’s E-U apostrophe V-N-A. I see. He’s not like walking away quickly or anything. He’s just moving on to other things. You’re not exactly sure if he believes you. If that was the correct or wrong answer, you’re not sure. You’re pretty certain that you don’t want to play poker against him, though. um not necessarily like he’s not standing next to you but i mean he’s still behind the bar uh there is yes uh yeah like a good like 12 or so You’re not going to like the answer to this. The guy who appears to be running the card game that you interrupted, who is actively trying to figure out how to kill you and make it look like an accident. I’m sorry.
Yinlare: Thank you.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: The king of spades. What do we have learned about it in a history book or something? Like a pamphlet? If the pamphlet is correct, then it should be Tuvna.
Yinlare: Okay,
Yinlare: so. Okay, so do I can we could answer this, we could keep up the dumb ass act, but like, I feel like. Maybe, I mean, oh.
Yinlare: Oh.
Yinlare: To, to, to.
Yinlare: Who now?
Yinlare: Okay, so yeah, then the King to.
Yinlare: I remember I saw the same pamphlet on the boat over.
Aerendyl: I know, right?
Yinlare: It wasn’t that bad actually.
Aerendyl: It was pretty good read.
Yinlare: Snicker Spice Bang!
Aerendyl: Thank you.
Yinlare: Hmm.
Yinlare: So I am just good. Is he still nearby?
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: Okay, then. Butter, please tell me there’s like a bounty board on the back wall. Okay, quick sweep. Do anybody on the bounty board match anybody in the room? Okay. Most expensive one on the bounty board. I want to hear it.
Aerendyl: The bartender.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: What’s his power level? Do you see, do you smell something burning? Do you smell that? Is that something burning?
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: All right.
Yinlare: Time for plan three of my step three of my glorious plan.
Yinlare: It’s.
Yinlare: Mine’s pretty high.
Yinlare: Um.
Yinlare: God damn it. I can’t get the broly voice out of my head.
Yinlare: I can.
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: All right.
Yinlare: Step three of my absolute glorious purpose here. We do we have our bread, we have our good baked bread or is it not out yet. If I can launch a javelin through that guy’s forehead if there’s no bread sitting in front of me. Say something loud, annoying, not enough to get you murdered, but enough to get eyes on you, and I’m going to kind of like stand up and just put like louder than I should say fucking I’m going to go take a leak real quick and just kind of turn and start heading towards the back door. Basically, I need you to well, not necessarily me.
DM: They’re still not bread.
DM: I’m sorry, hang on. I was hungry so I took a bite of food because you guys are going to talk more. The bartender kind of turns to you and says, I have no idea what you’re talking about. As you can literally see smoke start to rise from the other area. Make a deception check, please.
Aerendyl: I do like my little chard. Wait, so I have to, I have to scream something loud?
DM: Yes.
Yinlare: I succeed.
DM: I’m gonna need that check anyway.
Yinlare: Okay, a natural 20.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Okay, okay, right, yep.
Yinlare: 29.
DM: Yep, okay.
Yinlare: Okay, I succeed. Awesome. Then yeah, I’m going to start walking towards the door. I’m waiting for the wagon. Like I said, I want you to say something that’s not like something that will at least get eyes to flicker to you for a second. Not enough that they’re like, okay, and we murder this guy on three. Ready?
Aerendyl: Um, then I’m just going to be like minding my own business, doing a little whistle.
DM: You are successful in grabbing everybody’s attention.
Aerendyl: Oh shit.
Aerendyl: And I’m back away.
Aerendyl: There’s just a spider. It’s not a spider. It’s a speck of dust.
Yinlare: All right.
Yinlare: Awesome.
Yinlare:
Yinlare: Awesome. Um, all right.
Yinlare: Um, I can make a stealth check. I can make a sleight of hand check. Um, I’m gonna succeed them both, whether you make me make them or not. Um, but I’m going to go and as I’m heading for the door, I’m going to like kind of maneuver my body towards the bounty board and just instantly quick snag the most expensive one, which was you said the guy was trying to who’s trying to fucking murder me. Right, just nobody. I don’t want anybody to notice me. I just want to snag it and continue going through the door. Excellent. In that case, I’m going to go outside and stand next to the door and whistle extremely loudly for like a good five, ten seconds and then immediately turn and walk back in. But take like the bounty and stick it in my coat or something. i’m gonna kind of as dragon saying this i’m gonna kind of reach into my bag and put like a couple like essential oil bottles and start like wafting them in the air a little bit like um yeah dude um now here’s What I’m going to do next. And time for step four and the final part of my fucking glorious I’m going to kind of like call the bartender over for a second. no no no oh no he’s been taking him all up I’m gonna kind of like reach and I’m gonna break off a little piece of it and very much like an apple so I can it’s just run straight to maintain eye contact the entire time I can like absolutely Absolutely not. What is my cons? 13. Please.
DM: I know.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Okay.
DM: Yeah, the guy that’s running the card game.
DM: Okay.
DM: Okay.
DM: Can you do that?
Aerendyl: Oh, sorry guys.
DM: Okay.
Aerendyl: Fossil arm.
Aerendyl: I thought there was a spider on the desk.
DM: The bartender says, of course there’s not a spider I keep my place very clean. He says, as there is very clearly not a speck that is even remotely clean anywhere on this bar. It gives ambience to the room. Just imagine that you’re just sitting there. You just see they’re going, my gosh, I love it so much. Just have a central oils. Kind of walks up and just says, oh, I forgot your bread’s ready. As he turns around and takes just a complete bunch of black burnt bread and plops it in front of you, too.
Aerendyl: Is your oven supposed to be smoking that much?
Aerendyl: I do love ambiance when I put my hand on my chin.
Aerendyl: I do like the ambiance.
Aerendyl: This is very nice. I like the beige wallpaper you have that’s kind of tearing in the corner over there.
Aerendyl: I like the beige wallpaper that’s tearing in the corner over there.
Aerendyl: Butter, as he does that, can I take the, the, the menu and change it from fresh bread to fresh never burnt bread? Butter, I’m going to pull out. You burned the top of your tongue.
DM: Unfortunately, he had already taken it and it doubled it up.
DM: But I love that so much.
DM: I’m going to need you to make a stinking Constitution saving throw for that. Because who can bite? Because we’re talking like super hot, completely burnt through bread.
DM: Alright.
DM: How much?
DM: Yeah, yeah, what Dragon said, you burn the top of your tongue and you kind of like flinch just enough for him to see that your face moved. He says, is it good? He says, no, we don’t have luxury goods here. Are you seriously going to say that?
Aerendyl: Let me have a bite of that.
Aerendyl: I’m just going to tear it open.
Aerendyl: Do you have any honey?
Aerendyl: I love hot bread with hot honey, but not like hot honey, but like warm honey. I’m gonna make a loud ass cackle to that, to annoy everybody.
Aerendyl: I didn’t know honey was luxury.
Aerendyl: I’m sorry.
Aerendyl: My bad.
Aerendyl: There was a child selling it in the corner.
Aerendyl: Oh, you mean the card game when he had a full house?
Aerendyl: It would be funny, but I’m not gonna do it. It would have been so funny.
DM: You’d start a bar fight.
DM: Okay.
Aerendyl: I Understand the feeling some days. I want to kill you, too Yeah I Wouldn’t want to see you get her either put your hand on your hand You Does this place have a code of honor is that what you guys call it What’s a bounty You I’m sorry, but that speck of dust it moved I’m sorry I Make that a 27 What’s that I The poker table The poker table had like 40 gold coins We I say we knock them all out clean their pockets go to the bartender put our swords on the table Be like I want fresh bread Well, you said you’re cooking, yet you took a bounty and didn’t read the bounty. Fight club, fight club, fight club, fight club, fight club.
DM: Okay.
DM: Okay.
DM: Okay.
DM: The bartender says, Look, if you don’t want to get hurt, then leave him alone. How am I supposed to know? He says, look, if you’re trying to go after their bounties, I’d advise against that. The guard that’s been sitting there this whole time finally turns and says, Come on, I saw you take the bounty off the bounty board. Well, to be fair, I didn’t actually see you take it, per se, but I saw it there, then a commotion with a spider that wasn’t a spider, and then it’s gone.
Yinlare: Should I beep anybody? He looks like he’s going to attack me though.
Yinlare: But he’s going to join in? And truly, that is a good question.
Yinlare: Oh my god, I’m going to fucking kill that guy. There’s no way he’d beat my check!
Yinlare: There’s no way!
Yinlare: I’m going to kind of like look at the bartender and just kind of, you know, I think this guy gets it a little bit. I’m going to talk to him. I’m sorry for bothering you. And I’m going to walk over to the guard, kind of like try to isolate myself with him, put my hand on his shoulder and kind of… If you want to live to see your family, you’re going to keep your fucking mouth shut. Yeah, that’s very much fucking… So you’re going to keep your goddamn mouth shut. That’s a 22. He’s going to keep his goddamn mouth shut, hopefully.
DM: Pretty obvious.
DM: Okay.
DM: With advantage, because it was so out of love field.
DM: I’m going to put my arm on his shoulder.
DM: I’m going to go up to him.
DM: If you don’t mind your business, I’ll in your bloodline. Oh, he says.
DM: He made it to 327.
Yinlare: Yeah.
DM: He says, I wasn’t going to cause any problems. I apologize. I was just saying, if you wanted some money. It’s probably not best to go out, but you know, you’re drinking. A solid 20 gold. No, no, no, roll deception for that.
Yinlare: How much is the bounty worth?
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: In that case, I kind of like, see, just a little bit of a misunderstanding. I must have either fallen off or somebody else must have gotten it. That’s just odd. Yeah, we kind of like, kind of go back to the wagon and just kind of sit down.
Yinlare: Okay, let’s go.
Yinlare: Second, trust me, I’m cooking.
DM: That’s my one.
Yinlare: I’m like this bread.
Yinlare: Trust me.
Yinlare: 2121 trust me. Who’s asking this? The bartender? The guard? I’m going to look at him and I’m going to give him this fucking side eye wink and just, I mean, I can give you a little bit of a Is he still next to me or am I shouting this across the bar?
DM: All right.
DM: He says, yeah, sure.
DM: Whatever you say.
DM: But look, if you’re trying to get some easy money.
DM: Can you fight?
DM: He kind of like looks at the two of you and are like. He literally cannot tell if you guys are hippies or not.
DM: The guard, the guard.
Aerendyl: The guard.
DM: No, no, you guys are still like next to each other.
Aerendyl: Walk up to him with this look.
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: Oh, wait.
Yinlare: I know the image I’m looking for. Hang on. I need to find the fucking image. I got to find the fucking. It’s the fucking. Oh, my God, can I find the fucking face? The fucking I need to find the goddamn image. The fucking like, yeah, I found it. The fucking like, you got games on your phone type of fucking, you know, like the super hyper like this.
Aerendyl: Walk
Aerendyl: up to him with this look. He’s so hot.
Aerendyl: Oh, he’s so hot.
Aerendyl: Sorry.
DM: Okay.
Aerendyl: You got games on your phone. Fight club, fight club, fight club, fight club.
Yinlare: Right.
Yinlare: Oh my God, where’s my fucking application? Like this shit. Um, but I feel like right next to me, I can keep my voice down. Like, I mean, I’m happy to give you a I suppose like a demonstration if you’re happy to.
DM: You got games on your phone.
DM: You kind of look around to see if anybody’s listening in. He says, look, I can only offer this because you guys are outsiders.
Yinlare: No.
Yinlare: Um, is this, when you say can you fight, Are you referring to this place or are you referring to somewhere else where we can make actual coin?
DM: Okay, here’s the situation.
DM: All right.
DM: Some let’s call them marauders from Caldera decided to rob a shipment a couple of weeks back. They took something from a noble and I need it back. It’s kind of important for something. Anyways, if you can get it, I’ll give you 250 gold for it.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: 250 gold each.
DM: Total.
Yinlare: My fiance needs his money too for the wedding. Make it 300 so we can split it 50-50.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: 150 each.
DM: Okay, sure.
Yinlare: You got yourself a deal. Alright, well, allow me to…
Yinlare: I’m gonna kind of take a piece of the broken bread and sit it on the table in front of him and go… How about you enjoy some entertainment with your meal? And I’m gonna go over to my now completed dream catcher. And I’m gonna take it off of my quarterstaff. I’m gonna take my quarterstaff and kind of put it across my back. And I’m gonna kind of walk over to the guy who was currently looking to murder me. And I’m just gonna kind of like, sir, I can see the way you’re looking at me. And honestly, I really am sorry for ruining your game. If there’s anything I can do to make up for it, please tell me. I did go ahead and knit you this, though, in the meantime. It was kind of like set the dream catcher on the table in front of him. Like, I really do just mean well. Very much just sitting there smiling, waiting for approval. I suppose, can you it’s it’s a dream catcher it, it catches the dream, the happy dreams that you have from the gods, so you can reuse them to have better days in life. I mean, I might have something that might help you out a little bit. If, do you like weapons? I’m going to kind of, I’m going to reach, I’m going to reach into my bag. I’m going to kind of, or I guess it would actually be in my quiver. I’m not going to snap out of my quiver. My, my bow, which is currently still in compact, like kind of half folded. Just kind of like has like, it has an arrow resting on it as like a showpiece kind of, and I’m just going to kind of like hold it in my hands, like kind of, does this seem something that would interest you? Yeah, like he said he likes weapons. I want to make a peace offering with this guy. Does this look like something that would like You’ll see. He’s fucking frothing at the mouth for it, isn’t he? I was like, here, like I said, I know you’re, I saw your, I’m going to kind of like whisper some of your bounty out. Understand that you’re not a, like, killing people isn’t beyond you. I’m going to kind of like snap the bow out a little bit and kind of knock an arrow.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: He’s just, he, the man was too stunned to speak.
Aerendyl: You should Like the dreams of you winning at a poker match with that full house. She totally didn’t have Do you like weapons.
DM: Uh, he goes, he goes, you, is this a peace offering? You were never told no as a child, were you? You just see like a smirk on his face. He goes, now that’s a peace offering.
DM: Sing.
Aerendyl: This is America.
DM: You’re saying just the bow interests him.
Aerendyl: Is the plan. He’s going to you’re going to kill him and take it back.
DM: Okay, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. All right.
DM: With the worst deception role ever.
DM: He goes, yeah, I mean, yeah, that looks, that looks decent. It would be, it would be unacceptable. Literally, yes. He’s like, that’s an, that’s an okay piece offering. It’s just so obvious. He’s like, dear Lord, hand it here.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: No.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
DM: I want it so badly.
DM: He just forms the biggest smile in the world and just kind of like nods his head to the guy that told him to sit down earlier. It’s the guy that’s behind him. The guy that sat him back down.
Yinlare: I can show you it works. Is there anybody in here you don’t want living anymore?
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Yinlare: And give him like, from going from like the hippie to like the little like side grin a little bit here. The guy, what the guy at the at the. Then I’m going to kind of like lean around him and just kind of have the bow out kind of like pull the bow back, not necessarily aiming at anybody aiming it still at the floor and just kind of me and my new friend here having an argument, does this still look like it would like deal some damage if I let go of it? The guy who told him to slip the fuck down like I’m very much I mean sure here let me go ahead and show you and I’m going to line it up and the guy who And the guy who I was offering a piece offering to is about to get an arrow right through his throat. Now, Butter, would you say he’s surprised? Butter, do I need to roll damage? Can I do something epic, even though I can’t technically do it? Okay, in that case, the arrow is going to go straight through his throat. I’m going to reach my hand back towards Dragon and recall my fucking Glamour Weave, like a fucking like Dr. Strange cloak type of shit. And I’m going to kind of use his body is just going to kind of lie there. And I’m going to kind of. I’m going to put put my palms down on the table and look at the rest of them and I’m going to go now. Does anybody else here want to go the same way he went?
DM: Who are you asking?
Aerendyl: Yeah.
DM: Oh, yeah, he says, I don’t know, but I do hand to hand combat. I mean, it looks like a bow.
DM: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
DM: Yes.
Aerendyl: Yeah, I’d say so.
Aerendyl: Hey, butter. Yeah. I’ll pay for it. Of course, but I want I want fair fresh bread and set it on the menu. I’m gonna get my bread.
Yinlare: Okay.
DM: So much.
DM: I can literally just imagine that it’s just that whenever you pointed the bow and arrow, it’s just this guy.
Aerendyl: Wait, wait what?
DM: Wait, wait, wait.
DM: Let me tell you something.
Yinlare: Ram.
DM: Let me tell you something.
Yinlare: Now, very much like both palms on the table down like leaning forward. Do any one of you want to go? In fact, I’m going to stand up. Does anybody else in this place want to go the same way as him?
DM: But no. There are about 14 people that raise their hand.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Show of hands.
Yinlare: Anyone?
Yinlare: Too bad.
DM: .
DM: .
Yinlare: Here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to walk. I’m going to walk to the back of the wall. I’m going to rip the bounty board off the wall and I’m going to go over to the guard and I’m going to drop the bounty board in front of him. Take your pick and bring me my goddamn money. And I’m going to go stand by the door with my quarter staff because nobody’s leaving until I get fucking paid. Damn it, take the money board. Where do I take the money board?
Aerendyl: Nobody’s leaving until I get my fresh bread. Yeah, you’re kind of stupid. I mean, if we’re talking about intimidation and shit, at this point… You, you, you, you, and you! As you say that, I’ma stand up and take out my giant fucking sword from my bag, and just, and like, like, the God of War scene when he puts down the axe on the table with the Sound thud. Gonna slam that shit down and be like, take your time.
Yinlare: Too bad.
Yinlare: I’m going to take the money board.
Yinlare: I’m going to prick off all the little pieces, all the little, like the ones of specifically the people who are in here, and I’m going to put it against the wall and use a dagger and ram it into place.
Yinlare: And I’m going to kind of go.
Yinlare: Honey.
Yinlare: I’m literally just going to go. Like standing by the door still, I’m going to kind of put my hand around my mouth like a cup and just go. Oh, honey, I have to go after an errand real quick. Make sure none of these kids leave, all right? You’re in the fucking Kratos the fucking- No. And I have left, uh, I’m gonna go down to that goddamn guard tower. Yeah, what is this giving butter?
Aerendyl: Yeah, just the fucking…
Aerendyl: No.
Aerendyl: No.
Yinlare: Please share.
Yinlare: No.
Yinlare: Oh, yeah.
Aerendyl: Butter, this is the scene that I’m talking about, by the way. This is the scene I’m talking about.
Yinlare: We are leaving.
Yinlare: Yeah, that is so.
Yinlare: Dude.
Yinlare: I forgot that she just gets fucking brained. I totally forgot about that.
Aerendyl: I sit down, I put my fucking weapon on the table. Fucking sword.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: Anyway, where’s my fresh bread at? I’m rolling intimidation? Uh, 17. I’m just gonna be like, since I know that’s a luxury item, I’ll only take a bit. That’s, that’s about it. Oh, I just did like half the bottle and just went like, there you go.
Yinlare: Oh.
Yinlare: Excellent.
Yinlare: And he has a little bit of honey with that right?
Yinlare: Um.
Yinlare: Blah.
Yinlare: I’m trying to think. Is this like a giant wooden door or are these like saloon doors? Okay, in that case, I’m going to prop the wooden door open with a stick and for the next like 500 yards, you can just hear me humming, the devil went down to Georgia. I’m going to go over, do I know where this guard post is? He gave me accurate directions when he said a couple of buildings down, right?
Aerendyl: Okay.
Yinlare: Excellent.
Yinlare: I’m going to kind of walk up and just kind of… Your head guard, I’d like to have a talk with him. I’ve had a little bit of a spat. Look, impertinent. Look, I am an outsider.
Yinlare: Truly, I am.
Yinlare: But, you know, I respect the work that you do. So please come with me.
Yinlare: I have a present for you.
Yinlare: And I can assure you, I am not lying to you. You can roll a D20 and add your insight modifier.
Aerendyl: You can even have advantage.
Yinlare: I am not lying.
Yinlare: I am not.
Yinlare: I would have no reason to lie to you.
Aerendyl: Cuts back to me.
Yinlare: Absolutely.
Aerendyl: This is the best fresh bread I’ve had in months. You’re a genius. I will say, because you’ve been so cooperative and not that hostile, although you did give us a different menu, I will talk to my counterpart and we’ll see about you not being, you know, arrested.
Aerendyl: Where’s your bounty at?
Aerendyl: How much is your bounty?
Aerendyl: No, so you’re gonna stay here because I want to hear about that beige wallpaper.
Aerendyl: I’m actually curious about it.
Aerendyl: Where’d you get it?
Aerendyl: I’m being serious here.
Aerendyl: You got a beige wallpaper, guy?
Aerendyl: You really expect me to believe that, you dumbass?
Aerendyl: Oh.
Aerendyl: Oh, so this is new.
Aerendyl: Well, I recommend you get your cleaning done, make it more presentable, and then put like a little dance floor over there. It’ll fit nice. You gotta take away some of the seats, but you don’t got many customers.
DM: It’s an illegal bar.
DM: I don’t have the I love the idea of just like your disembodied voice just speaking just nearby because we just feel your judgmental, you know, your presence. It’s the stone just starts talking, be like, yeah, we’ll lose the whole time.
Aerendyl: No, it’s the fucking stone.
Aerendyl: You know, maybe maybe I can get you out of the situation, but you got to be honest, how big is your bounty?
DM: 80 gold.
Aerendyl: 80 gold.
DM: Doubled if I’m brought in alive. Come on, just let me use the back exit, man. I mean, I have what people have paid today. Well, you literally see it like the first sign of hope. Like his facial expression finally changes from just stone-faced. You get to know he’s a little worried, but like he was stone-faced the entire time. He goes, oh my gosh, this is my only chance. He literally like darts over, like starts brushing through everything, getting all of the gold that he can. And you see a frown on his face as he realizes he doesn’t have enough. But before you say anything, you see a slight bit of inspiration. He gets an idea as he very calmly leaves the side of the barn, walks into the main area, and walks up to the dead guy and takes the little gold that is on his person, then looks at the guy behind him and says, come on man, you’ve owed me way more than this. He does this to four other people before coming back and says, okay, I have a hundred and twelve gold pieces.
Aerendyl: That’s a lot.
Aerendyl: Double if you’re brought in alive! Do you have any gold on you?
Aerendyl: How much do you have?
Aerendyl: If you can pay at least a hundred of it, I’ll let you go free.
Aerendyl: I’ll give you a discount for giving me this fresh bread.
Aerendyl: How much you got over there, Belle?
Yinlare: That was too easy. .
Aerendyl: Oh, no.
Aerendyl: How much were you able to…
DM: Exit’s over there.
Aerendyl: Is it real gold? That is a 23. No.
Yinlare: .
DM: I’ll just leave this here and I’m going to go. Please roll investigation. Yes, all of it is real gold.
Yinlare: .
Yinlare: . .
DM: Step five.
Aerendyl: No, no, no.
Aerendyl: I’m not scamming him too.
Aerendyl: Okay, now that you’ve paid me fair compensation, I personally will allow you to go through that back exit.
DM: Yeah, yeah.
Yinlare: .
Aerendyl: On one condition, real quick.
Yinlare: How long in this interaction does it take for me to go get my .
Aerendyl: Do you have the recipe to the bread?
DM: Whatever you want, man.
DM: Come on.
DM: It’s regular bread.
DM: It is literally just wheat processed. I’m getting there. He goes, I’m pretty sure he’s about to come in.
Aerendyl: Wheat.
Aerendyl: Wheat, wheat, wheat.
DM: I gotta go.
Aerendyl: Oh, yeah, I got it done. You’re good to go, man. Thank you.
DM: He kind of goes towards the exit as you walk in with the guard in tow. The bartender notices that and makes a run for it. Mr. Nathaniel, are you going to allow this? As you can clearly see this at this point.
Aerendyl: What a hero.
Aerendyl: I’m gonna give Nate the look like, please let him go. Yeah, but I promise.
DM: Thank you.
Aerendyl: Sorry, let me rephrase that. I promise. I feel bad, but I didn’t say anything about my partner. Make sure you tell them I’m your business partner so they’ll give me the gold while you’re gone, so they don’t just yoink it.
DM: Literally all of them are just kind of shaking their boots. I’m going to be honest with you. I would have you roll, but the fact that your character is so broken that all of your rolls turn out to be 100s and whatever. Garbage, you can possibly roll every time. I’m talking about the movement, alright, because you were talking and so he made it out the door. But like, trying to track him or trying to be stealthy, you’re going to get every single time. Yeah, so there is zero point in me trying to do any of this nonsense of please roll. Because you’re going to do it anyway, even if you fail. And that one is thinking, uh, in in what else is still a 11, which will be most commoners anyway. My favorite part is the fact that he turns around and sees literally nobody talking.
Aerendyl: You know?
Aerendyl: No, I have them wrong.
Aerendyl: Have them do it.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Okay.
DM: He did stop. He says, look, if you know about the deal, why are you here?
Aerendyl: Give me a bread recipe.
DM: Why are you here?
DM: For what?
DM: You want me to be a rat? Okay, rat it is, rat it is.
Aerendyl: Um I Was feeling gay what what are you doing?
DM: All right, lead the way.
DM: You can just see the look of betrayal with an acceptance, knowing that this was probably inevitable anyway. After, after a while of the guards kind of going through all of them and figuring out who actually is wanted and who has a bounty on them, most of the bar ends up getting arrested. And he kind of turns to and says, the guard, I mean, he says, all right, look, this is too much paperwork. Can you come to the office in the morning to pick up your payment? I mean, sharps or something can be arranged. You can speak about it with the commander tomorrow. Sometime around probably eight to nine would be best.
Aerendyl: What what I did say I would let him go. I never said anything about you So I can’t be upset here and you can’t be upset here either. I’m just looking at him lying on the ground It’s like you should have seen this coming You Um I’m gonna walk up to the garden and be like, hey, I know the bartender, you know Pretty high bounty He’s a nice guy deep down if you give him a chance You know, he makes the best bread ever Trust me I’m just going to be like, have fun, everybody, and I’m just going to put my hood on, grab my sword and drag it off the counter. You said he forked over 112, right?
DM: Yes, yes, yes.
DM: I mean, we don’t carry much on us. Take some of the gold that we confiscated from them, about 20 pieces here. Yep, that’ll work just fine.
DM: Thank you.
DM: Oh my god.
DM: Okay. You do that. Um, that was, that, that was the thing. Yes, he gave you hundreds of. Uh, well, it was originally like noonish, whatever you went in there. It’s now dark, so you guys were there for a bit. I mean, there are a couple, yeah. Uh, yeah, it’s like 6.30ish. He just kinda grabs his, huh, thanks.
Aerendyl: Cool.
Aerendyl: I know this is not I’m gonna give this guy a gold coin.
Aerendyl: It pays to be nice.
DM: Uh, yeah.
Aerendyl: Remember that.
Aerendyl: Yes, although I’m a little disgusted of how we acted. It was, I will admit.
DM: Okay.
Aerendyl: True.
Aerendyl: What if they’re going to scam us?
Aerendyl: Oh, you mean old reliable. I like old reliable, to be honest, if they scam us.
DM: Okay.
DM: But, well, I’m sorry.
Aerendyl: Like I’m in. I’m sorry, like a what a bar.
DM: I’m so sorry.
DM: Oh, yes. There is an end, a very convenient end. It’s like right across from where the bar was. What if old reliable ceases being reliable? What about that? I need it. That’s, that’s, that’s It’s money.
Aerendyl: What are you gonna, I don’t know if we should do this.
Aerendyl: But they’re just gonna hate us even more.
Aerendyl: What if we have like a mob when we wake up. What if there’s too many and old reliable doesn’t cut it. What if old reliable gets too old and we have to put it down. Yes, but if it’s weird and not cool at all and it’s just going to get us nowhere then no.
Aerendyl: I will stop midway.
Aerendyl: Are we, we’re full in clad armor.
Aerendyl: Okay. Okay.
Aerendyl: I’m just, I’m going to walk up to the person who was like, yeah, give me the room.
Aerendyl: And I’m going to enter a gold coin and be like, I’ve been dealing with this all day.
Aerendyl: Give me a room.
Aerendyl: No, he’s just, he was born with a brain defect. Wait, wait, before we do this, you said that and now I’m intrigued.
Yinlare: He’s lying.
Yinlare: Sex is great.
Aerendyl: What’s wrong with your husband?
Aerendyl: No, no, no.
Aerendyl: No, this isn’t a problem.
Aerendyl: This isn’t a problem.
Aerendyl: Is he being abusive?
Aerendyl: Inside check. 19 on an inside check.
Aerendyl: Is she telling the truth?
Aerendyl: Do I see visible damage on her? Natural 20.
Aerendyl: Where is he?
Aerendyl: Uh, yeah.
Aerendyl: 23, natural 20.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Mm-hmm.
Aerendyl: Neither do I. I’m killing this bastard. No, no, no, no, Nate. Let me handle this. You got your fun.
Aerendyl: Now it’s my turn.
Aerendyl: Yeah, you’re saying you can watch. Trust me.
Aerendyl: Trust me.
Aerendyl: Trust me. Trust me. No, we’re going together. I just I’m having this conversation and I’m getting somewhere.
Aerendyl: You’re like, so, um, so he’s not. What’s the problem? Like, where’s what’s he doing? What’s his line of work? It’s just long work hours.
Aerendyl: Blacksmith.
Aerendyl: Do you, um, do you love him still?
Aerendyl: I’m not, I’m not like trying to barge in. I’m, I’m freshly married. I’m just trying to get new. Not to him. Like I’m Hey, I’ve been places. Oh, It’s an arranged marriage.
Aerendyl: Okay, let me, let me ask you this. Um, so, so it’s an arranged marriage.
Yinlare: I’m just slowly creeping down the stairs.
Aerendyl: I didn’t know those still happened, because I’m from a whole different continent.
Aerendyl: It’s weird.
Aerendyl: No, no, no, no, no, I’m invested.
Aerendyl: I’m
Aerendyl:
Aerendyl: keeping it. I’m keeping it. I’m keeping it. I’m keeping it. I’m curious about that thing. Do you want this arranged marriage? I’m gonna lean in and be like, if possible, theoretically, you and your kid could just, yes, if you and your child you and your child just decided you didn’t want to, like, be near him at all, would you? If you could get away with it?
Yinlare: Does she have a kid?
Yinlare: Okay, excellent.
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: Wait.
Aerendyl: You can whisper in my ear.
Aerendyl: No, I don’t.
Aerendyl: I’m going to pull out, no, I’m going to put my, I’m going to bring it like a notebook and just say, do you need help question mark and give her a pen. Um, yeah, do you nuts? She’s that poor.
Yinlare: Do you speak common, you dumb retard?
Aerendyl: She can’t read.
Aerendyl: Okay, okay.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: I’m just gonna write down.
Aerendyl: That’s my bad.
Aerendyl: How about this?
Aerendyl: I’m gonna I’m gonna do it in her head with message.
Aerendyl: I’m gonna be like, This is a private line.
Aerendyl: Okay, yeah, you’re right.
Aerendyl: Never mind.
Aerendyl: That’s on me.
Aerendyl: I thought That’s on me. Yeah, you’re right. You’re right.
Aerendyl: You still whisper it so I can’t do that. I’m just gonna be like Tell me straight. It’s okay to answer clearly from an outside source as myself. I can see you have a lot of discomfort. And all I’m asking is, you know, one, was he being abusive, which you lied, and two, you won’t even answer me if you want to get away.
Aerendyl: I can…
Aerendyl: I can do things. Yes, you never said it, but, you know, you said he wasn’t. And it was a lie.
Aerendyl: Just say it together.
Aerendyl: So, how about this?
Aerendyl: Me?
Aerendyl: Me and my colleague over there on the stairs, what if we… Yes, yeah, he does that.
Aerendyl: What if we had a nice conversation with your husband, soon to be ex, and just tell him to stay away from you?
Aerendyl: Would you like that?
Aerendyl: No, no, no, no, no.
Aerendyl: It is.
Aerendyl: And let me tell you, it’s not gonna cost you a lot.
Aerendyl: It’s gonna cost you free.
Aerendyl: No, no, no.
Aerendyl: I don’t think you’ve said enough. Now, I’m not trying to pry, but I can clearly see, you know, you are not happy. Another question.
Aerendyl: Does he hit your kid?
Aerendyl: I need to double check. Yeah, okay. And then I’m just going to be like, oh, so he doesn’t.
Aerendyl: Is your kid, how old is your kid?
Aerendyl: That sounds weird, but I’m just trying to make sure I got the details.
Yinlare: How old is your kid?
Aerendyl: No!
Aerendyl: No! No! No!
Aerendyl: Oh, I see.
Aerendyl: That’s that was my question.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Uh, I want to run the shit because she thinks you’re autistic.
Aerendyl: I was expecting it to go this way though.
Aerendyl: Uh huh.
Aerendyl: What’s the idea?
Aerendyl: Because I want to make sure it doesn’t fuck up mine. Well, she says she’s a blacksmith.
Aerendyl: I doubt there’s that many blacksmiths.
Aerendyl: And if we stake out the area, we’ll see a blacksmith probably come here. Or I could just, I could just ask his name. Because I’m looking for blacksmiths anyways.
Aerendyl: I need to make us monocles.
Aerendyl: I mean, if you just needed an idea of what he looks like, can I try and get that information? Because that was probably what I was going to do next. Because I want to kill this bastard.
Aerendyl: Anyways, you know, I’m new in town.
Aerendyl: Just got off the boat today.
Aerendyl: And I don’t know if you can tell, but I’m somewhat of a craftsman. And I’m interested in local blacksmiths. Do you know which one your husband works at?
Aerendyl: You might be shocked by the sudden change in conversation, but I can see that you’re just… You’re not being truthful, and I don’t want to impede, and I don’t want to mess with you. I’m not trying to get personal.
Aerendyl: Mm-hmm.
Aerendyl: Golden.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: And, um, it’s gonna sound extremely weird, and pay no mind to it. What does he look like, and what’s his name? Yeah, you will not be mentioned.
Aerendyl: I’m kidding.
Aerendyl: I’m not saying that.
Aerendyl: I’m not saying that.
Aerendyl: Okay, yeah.
Aerendyl: Yeah, I’ll tell them that you sent us. What does he look like? Is he human or? Okay, humans.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Okay, cool.
Aerendyl: So, I see.
Aerendyl: Is it short and stubby?
Aerendyl: Yeah, Hulk Hogan looking ass.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: That’s how that’d be weird. That’d be too weird.
Aerendyl: As he was saying that I was just doing this.
Aerendyl: It took you this long to get scared by Nate?
Aerendyl: The die never lie.
Aerendyl: Yeah, she too common.
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Okay, well, forgot to mention here.
Aerendyl: Here’s a gold coin for my room.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Thank you very much for telling me your story. I like going around different places, gathering stories. I’m traveling with him for now. I’m sorry if I barged in.
Aerendyl: It definitely was one of my passions growing up, but I live in a military family, so they kind of made me grow up like a brute. It’s been a while, but I can make a leaf flute, like one of those little leaf whistles. Do I have a leaf in my bag when they sent me a message? No, remember like there was a leaf that fell with like a message on it?
Aerendyl: I actually have that.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Well, if it’s a leaf, I could probably do it with paper too. It’s the same concept.
Aerendyl: I’ll try.
Aerendyl: I’ll try my best to make one because I’m also a craftsman.
Aerendyl: No, military craftsman who just can make a simple little trick.
Aerendyl: It’s not looking good, but what’s the rule?
Aerendyl: What would it be?
Aerendyl: And which tool do you think it would be? Woodcarvers? Would a 15 work or do I need it to get higher? You’re gonna make one and just go Yeah, if I had an instrument on me, I could probably figure it out. But like I said, I’m more used to working with these types of instruments. I point to like a weapon on my side.
Aerendyl: But I’m looking into it.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: So anyways, do you wish for your husband’s death?
Aerendyl: Insight check. I’m gonna reroll that shit.
Aerendyl: That’s a lot.
Aerendyl: I need my lucky.
Aerendyl: No, no, no.
Aerendyl: That is a 13 base, but I can make it an 18.
Aerendyl: 18.
Aerendyl: We have the go!
Aerendyl: We have the go, Nate!
Aerendyl: We have the go.
Aerendyl: And I’m like, you’re such a good wife, you know?
Aerendyl: Not wishing death upon your husband.
Aerendyl: No, I’m winking to her.
Aerendyl: And I’m gonna be like, it’s fine.
Aerendyl: I understand.
Aerendyl: I’ll see you later.
Aerendyl: Bye bye!
Aerendyl: I’m gonna walk out the door and my smile’s gonna go away. We’re gonna kill him. Sorry, you have your coat?
Aerendyl: Chill out, man.
Aerendyl: So where is he? You see what I’m doing there? I’m so goofy.
Aerendyl: I want to put my sword up my ass.
Aerendyl: I am, uh, no.
Aerendyl: Stop.
Aerendyl: You’re making it weird. Where is this bastard?
Aerendyl: Yeah!
Aerendyl: Which direction?
Aerendyl: And as we arrive, during the, there’s a conversation that me and Nate probably would have had on the way, is like, basically, it’s like, we got to make sure he looks like he just disappeared.
Aerendyl: He went off on his own.
Aerendyl: Cause if he dies, it’s kind of mysterious how two mercenaries came in town, went to a fucking inn where the wife of this guy was, and then next thing you know, someone’s dead.
Aerendyl: I think it’d be a little weird. Yeah, I’d say we make them disappear like acetone in a tub. I do like killing.
Aerendyl: Put it there partner.
Aerendyl: Hello?
Aerendyl: Thank you.
Aerendyl: Mm-hmm.
Aerendyl: Traumatize him. We gotta torture him.
Aerendyl: Hold on.
Aerendyl: Hiding behind a thing.
Aerendyl: No.
Aerendyl: Butter.
Aerendyl: I got my metal foot.
Aerendyl: It’s got ice spikes built into it.
Aerendyl: You just didn’t know.
Aerendyl: You just didn’t know.
Aerendyl: Come on, come on, come on.
Aerendyl: I’m casting invisibility. Uh, I have not used any spells today.
Aerendyl: Yep.
Aerendyl: Or a great person.
Yinlare: Okay, so if he comes into view, does he give me the, like, is this, does this, like, does he give me the instant look of, like, Discord moderator fucking creep, or is he, like, seems like a semi-decent person?
Aerendyl: Mm.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: I’m being quiet.
Yinlare: Um, and now we begin the setup for the punch line. Um, gonna kind of, like, you know, leave the door just long enough for dragon to slip in, kind of just be quiet. You say you say that at full volume. Don’t worry, dude.
Aerendyl: I’m the quietest I’ve ever been.
Aerendyl: Bro, shut the fuck up!
Yinlare: I’m be quiet.
Yinlare: Come on.
Yinlare: He’s going to hear me like close the door.
Aerendyl: It’s cold.
Yinlare: Click.
Yinlare: Um, just kind of kind of like click.
Yinlare: Um.
Yinlare: Sure.
Aerendyl: She’s just the shivering child.
Yinlare: No.
Yinlare: You.
Yinlare: That very much like at this point too.
Yinlare: Oh my god.
Yinlare: My glamour weave.
Yinlare: Oh my god.
Yinlare: This might be the single best thing an EDM has ever given me. Guess what butter? Glamour weave. All of my mercenary gear now melts into my body.
Aerendyl: He didn’t know.
Yinlare: There is no more.
Yinlare: Yeah, he just kind of like makes his way. Oh, what am I going to say?
Aerendyl: This might have just been this might just be like the best session me and you have had so far night.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Yinlare: Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Aerendyl: Dude, wouldn’t you do the same?
Yinlare: Absolutely.
Aerendyl: Dude.
Yinlare: Just kind of like walk in like very much like I’m fucking I am yamming up the act of like it’s cold in here, like I’m just starting to get warmed up, little hands by the fucking forge, like I am trying to get to a position where I can stop and think. I’m kind of mostly just like being my own entity. I’m waiting for him to make the first move. On to B4. But that was I’m waiting for him. On to D4. I’m not sure.
Aerendyl: Hey butter, this is me but invisible I’m just looking down on him.
Aerendyl: They beat me.
Yinlare: They left.
Yinlare: There was a caravan. I guess not a caravan. That’s not the word I’m looking for. A carriage, I guess. A carriage moving through. I got off to go get warm for a moment and I came back and it was gone. So I guess my mommy and daddy are not here anymore. I wonder if they noticed I’m gone. Yeah, I don’t…
Aerendyl: Does it get creepy now? When I have my…
Yinlare: I guess.
Yinlare: I haven’t seen them in quite some time.
Yinlare: Bishop to E7.
Yinlare: I’ve wondered for maybe…
Yinlare: Man, pro-scouts didn’t teach me all that much.
Yinlare: Maybe three and a half, four miles?
Yinlare: And I still haven’t seen them. I haven’t seen them in quite some time. Rook to D3.
Aerendyl: Does that mean all my items, tools, everything’s invisible as well?
Yinlare: Yes.
Yinlare: However, don’t turn it on.
Aerendyl: I don’t know.
Yinlare: Because we’re running out of them from the corner.
Yinlare: Wait for my say so do I. Are they out there.
Aerendyl: I don’t know.
Yinlare: There was nobody outside.
Yinlare: No.
Yinlare: And I guess, is there, is there anybody in here? Do you have anybody that you care for? Maybe like a wife or something.
Aerendyl: I don’t know.
Yinlare: So, surely you’re like, are you.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: It’s already locked.
Aerendyl: Okay, good, good, good. We don’t want anyone coming inside of here when he’s dead.
Yinlare: Just spamming dragon the fucking Spider-Man 2099. Maybe if we could turn up the forge a little bit, I can probably warm back up and then head back out there.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Yinlare: I’m sure I can find them.
Yinlare: Oh, bitch.
Aerendyl: Oh, great for me.
Yinlare: Hey, don’t worry. We’re still traumatized. We’re still look, we haven’t gotten to the kill phase, we’re still in the traumatizing phase.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Thanks for watching!
Aerendyl: You You are going- GA- You’re gonna gag at what I’m saying.
Aerendyl: I’m going to do to him.
Yinlare: Do you have any kind of disguise ability?
Yinlare: This guy’s self, alter self, you have that still doing it?
Aerendyl: Yeah, you want yourself.
Yinlare: Okay, good.
Yinlare: Keep that on the background.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: I knew it.
Yinlare: Or, slut. Future butter, ignore us insulting you, bitch.
Aerendyl: You should play it.
Aerendyl: It’s a fun game.
Aerendyl: Your friend bought it for you. Bitch, we say that as she’s giving us one of our best sessions yet.
Aerendyl: Motherfucker.
Yinlare: Motherfucker!
Aerendyl: B isn’t for butter, it’s for bitch.
Yinlare: Ungrateful slut! Slime, god.
Aerendyl: Ungrateful whore.
Yinlare: Future butter, once again, thank you for the session, don’t hold us to this.
Aerendyl: Thank you for the session. We’ve appreciated it so much. Oh, hey butter. Oh, he’s still muted.
Yinlare: Fuck you, dumb.
Aerendyl: Fuck you, bitch.
Aerendyl: No, you’re good.
Yinlare: Sorry, future butter.
Aerendyl: Wait, did you just say you weren’t listening?
Aerendyl: Fuck.
Yinlare: Damn it.
Aerendyl: Damn it.
Yinlare: Sorry, future butter.
Aerendyl: Sorry.
Aerendyl: Sorry, future butter.
Yinlare: Like future butter, I’m sure you understand, current butter isn’t playing Path of X. Future butter, I’m sorry. Anyway, current butter, continue. If I had I wouldn’t be here. No, not as far as I’m aware, at least.
Aerendyl: Future butter, you’re probably listening to this wall playing path of exile and I appreciate you.
Aerendyl: Mm hmm.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Yinlare: Oh, really?
Yinlare: What’s that?
Aerendyl: I think we should trust him. Worst comes to worst, we have old reliable.
Yinlare: Alright, do I get sidebar with me? Do we think he’s lying? Should I make an insight? I’m not sure.
Yinlare: I think…
Yinlare: That’s true. Fucking butter is so done with our shit.
Aerendyl: Old reliable is no longer reliable.
Yinlare: Alright, ready?
Yinlare: Sure.
Yinlare: You know what?
Yinlare: Are you ready for the absolute fucking… We’re slowly putting the second scoop of ice cream onto this absolute evil sundae. We’re not with the toppings yet. Would I be able to make an accurate guess as to where Dwagon is?
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: Old reliable is no longer reliable.
Yinlare: I’m kind of…
Yinlare: Dwagon, what is that?
Yinlare: No.
Yinlare: Look, I’m very much wanting to mentally command Dwagon.
Yinlare: Just wait.
Yinlare: Just wait. He just feels a hand on his shoulder.
Yinlare: You’re dead.
Yinlare: That’s a good thing you got there.
Aerendyl: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Yinlare: Very much like you and how does it work. Can you really find them.
Aerendyl: Chloroform. Probably an anesthetic. Are you immune to sleepy chemical?
Yinlare: Absolutely.
Yinlare: I’m going to walk back there and I’m going to slam back this shit. Actually, wait, before I slam back this shit. Dragon.
Yinlare: Or not dragon.
Yinlare: Butter, please tell me for the love of God that, like, some part of me can tell what this is. Like, is it any kind of…
Yinlare: That’s what I’m asking.
Yinlare: Oh, slamming it back.
Yinlare: I’m an elf.
Yinlare: I’m immune to sleep.
Aerendyl: Yeah!
Aerendyl: Yeah, wait.
Aerendyl: If you’re an elven girl, he’s too dumb, he’s too common. He wouldn’t know. Nate, fake it.
Yinlare: In that case…
Yinlare: Exactly. I’m going to kind of look at him like very much fighting to keep the eyes open. I’m like, can you see them now?
Aerendyl: Nate, when do I strike?
Yinlare: Just.
Aerendyl: Or are you gonna do it?
Yinlare: Wait.
Aerendyl: Yeah, you do, butter.
Yinlare: Don’t worry, buddy. You already had to roleplay me raping a gay guy. How much worse could it get? Morally acceptable.
Aerendyl: No, I wasn’t.
Yinlare: Yeah, I know.
Yinlare: It wasn’t.
Aerendyl: We’re just about to murder a creep, not fucking rape a gay guy.
Yinlare: Dragon sidebar with me. We could rape the creep. I’m not playing Archon anymore. It’s not really viable. I was playing Archon abso-fucking-lutely. Man, I really want to play Archon again, dude. Archon does have access to her because of me. Anyway, um, yeah, uh, thumb.
Aerendyl: No.
Aerendyl: Yeah, it’s not really viable.
Aerendyl: No.
Aerendyl: I feel like I’ve seen that hentai before.
Aerendyl: Does she look like a cackle? My little kitten. It’s okay, you’ll be gagged soon.
Yinlare: Lights out.
Yinlare: No, it’s the fucking like, like, curled fingers. Now I have you, my crutch ass.
Yinlare: Where is it?
Yinlare: Where is it?
Aerendyl: Yeah?
Aerendyl: Yeah?
Yinlare: All right. I assume Is there any opportunity? Thank you very much. Look, look, look, listen, listen, we know where you’re, we know.
Aerendyl: Yeah?
Aerendyl: No, Nate!
Aerendyl: No!
Aerendyl: No!
Aerendyl: I am not gonna alter self into his wife!
Aerendyl: I could knock on the door.
Yinlare: Oh, true.
Aerendyl: How would I know though?
Yinlare: Have dragon knock on the dragon, knock on the door.
Yinlare: Just get them away from you.
Yinlare: Cause I have now, you have now heard a thump from the other rumor. If you followed me, you would have seen me. Just use your brain, go and hit the little knock on the door.
Aerendyl: Yeah!
Aerendyl: Butter, would you count that as metagaming?
Yinlare: Thank you.
Aerendyl: At the forge, is there one of those little sticks to move the wood around? Metal pipe sound. I’m going to drop it. Remember Nate, you promised I get to do the torturing and killing. I want to torture him though. Yeah, I’m physical, you’re mental.
Yinlare: Excellent, ahaha. I know, and now I promise you the killing, physical torture, I’ll do mental torture, you can do physical torture, awesome. In that case, this is where we start drizzling the toppings on top of the sundae. I’m going to burn another spell slot here, and I’m going to disguise self into, we did see his daughter, correct? Okay, awesome. Disguise selfing into his daughter, and I’m going to stand in the room and wait for him to come back. Very much like awake, I’m standing there. Slow raise, slow raise my hand. Silence a wench.
Aerendyl: Good.
Aerendyl: Just standing there menacingly on a chair, like on a stool, to be taller than him.
Aerendyl: I am the Messiah.
Yinlare: Actually, you know what?
Yinlare: Silence, ye of little faith.
Yinlare: The guards.
Yinlare: Your daughter is still safe. Please tell me we got the wife’s name.
Aerendyl: I probably would have asked, I just forgot.
Yinlare: Please tell me we got the wife’s name.
Yinlare: Okay, and the wife’s name is? Your daughter, Marie, is still home safe with Katrina. We simply chose a form that would be acceptable for you to understand.
Aerendyl: Thank you.
Aerendyl: Thank you.
Aerendyl: Thank you.
Yinlare: You.
Yinlare: You are an unbelievable fool. We have given you an opportunity to atone for your wrongdoings against the people you are supposed to protect in life. Do you have anything to say for yourself? Seeing your daughter is a bit much. Allow me to assume a normal form. Turning back into myself.
Aerendyl: I’m gonna guard the doorway, by the way. I’m still invisible, but if he runs into me, he’s gonna run into a fucking tank. No wonder he got arranged into a marriage.
Yinlare: No.
Yinlare: I wish I could do that with this guy’s self. By the way, I was going to have you turn to his wife and do ghost of Christmas past type of shit because that would be so funny. This works fine. I kind of take a step forward. Kind of I guess at his height or higher. I don’t know how tall he is. Yeah. Staff, like quarter staff on the ground very much holding it like Moses fucking standing tall.
Aerendyl: Shorty.
Yinlare: Do you have anything to say to hone for your actions you have made? Excuse me. The moral laws that you have broken.
Aerendyl: I’m just gonna be right behind him. I’m just gonna be right behind him.
Yinlare: Oh God.
Aerendyl: Bullshit.
Yinlare: Absolute.
Aerendyl: Lies.
Yinlare: You have your And do you take care of your wife? Answer the question. Do you take care of your wife? That’s funny.
Aerendyl: Maybe like in different corners.
Aerendyl: Liar.
Aerendyl: Are you sure?
Yinlare: Because your wife told me differently last night.
Yinlare: Hmm.
Yinlare: Young.
Yinlare: Look.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Yinlare: Do you have anything to say in response to the disrespect and dishonor that you have brought upon yourself? Think wisely when speaking in the presence of the Lord. Answer the question. Is that your final answer? Is that your final answer? Then it will be your final words. I call upon my warrior servant angel.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Lies.
Aerendyl: Lies.
Aerendyl: Liar.
Aerendyl: Liar.
Yinlare: Strike down this demon.
Aerendyl: Butter.
Aerendyl: Butter, wait. Butter, beep the stream.
Yinlare: I call upon my warrior servant angel.
Aerendyl: As he says that, I’m gonna go un-invisible behind him, tap his shoulder, and just imagine for a second this theme starts playing.
Yinlare: Strike down this demon.
Yinlare: Strike down this
Yinlare: demon. Strike down this demon.
Yinlare: Strike down this demon.
Yinlare: Strike down this demon.
Aerendyl: As he turns around, I’m gonna wind up my metal fist, cranking that shit back, and punch him in the head. I’m just charging it.
Yinlare: Does your answer differ?
Yinlare: Thank you so much for watching Thank you very much.
Yinlare: Thank you very much.
Yinlare: Does your answer differ? Oh, that’s funny. End him.
Aerendyl: BANG!
Aerendyl: Alrighty.
Yinlare: That’s true.
Aerendyl: Butter?
Aerendyl: I’m gonna find the nearest- no.
Aerendyl: No.
Aerendyl: We gotta have fun, Nate.
Yinlare: I’ve had my fun.
Aerendyl: My turn.
Yinlare: It’s your turn. I pass the torch on to the I ate in the morning. You have about 12 hours, wagon. I’m going to kind of look at.
Aerendyl: What?
Aerendyl: That would take too long. We gotta get to the guard’s tower tomorrow by 9 in the morning, so we’re kind of on a time crunch.
Aerendyl: As long as you don’t mind, can I experiment?
Yinlare: I’m going to kind of.
Aerendyl: Do you have time?
Aerendyl: Do you have time?
Yinlare: I’m going to put my hand on the wagon shoulder.
Yinlare: Go crazy.
Aerendyl: Thank you. Thank you, dear. Just rest in the back. I’m going to tie his mouth. He will not, no sound whatsoever.
Yinlare: There’s some rope in the bag.
Yinlare: I’m going to put the bag on the ground.
Yinlare: Some rope in the bag if you want.
Yinlare: Just time done. I’m running a little low on spells, so I might just go take a little nap. Excellent. If you do giant hunt serrated hunting bowie knife, just ram it into the table there. You for a reason. I’ll kind of. Right, of course, I’m waking up around 730 or so we’ll go ahead and. And we’re gonna have a whole lot of money.
Aerendyl: I might need that. For more precision cuts.
Aerendyl: 730 will do.
Aerendyl: Just saying, tomorrow I will be a little groggy because I’m going to have so much excitement. We’ll be filthy rich.
Yinlare: Yeah, of course.
Aerendyl: Anyways, butter.
Aerendyl: I’m going to find my nearest chair, tie him up.
Aerendyl: I’m talking these are military grade knots.
Aerendyl: He can’t move a finger.
Aerendyl: I’m talking rope everywhere. I would like to put something around his mouth. And then also, if possible, I would like to like make it to where he can’t like do this.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: I want to like tie him to his chair. I want him and I’m thinking about like when I start doing the fun bits, I’m gonna like tie his eyes open. So he has to watch.
Aerendyl: Um, and the next thing. Yeah, but you can’t be upset. You wanted this to deep down. So anyways, um, yeah, as I time to the chair, put like a gag in, um, make sure he can’t move his head and he’s just like watching. Um, then I’m going to pull up my own chair like Captain America detention style.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Um, is there a forge in this room?
Aerendyl: Uh, I’m heating.
Aerendyl: If the forge is already heated up, that’s perfect.
Aerendyl: If not, I’m going to heat it up. Uh, those little, uh, little pokey sticks, I’m just going to stick like two of them in the fire to heat up a bit. Well, I’m waiting for him to wake up first.
Yinlare: This little piggy went to market.
Aerendyl: Oh, I’m going to be talking to him. I’m going to be talking to him, and then I’m going to be doing pain and torture, and then talking pain and torture talking, you know.
Yinlare: I think we’re doing no.
Aerendyl: Um, well, we already know what he’s done. I kind of just want to like torture him for fun. Um, but I’m also going to try and figure out where his like life savings are so I can give it to them, you know.
Yinlare: You could try and get him to say it because it’ll be torturous, you know, mentally.
Yinlare: That’s true.
Aerendyl: Yeah, but he’s also like a very shitty person, so he’s got to have some shady fund somewhere. Oh, so then they can hear the screams.
Yinlare: Oh, but you know what we could do? Find out if he has a sending stone that he accesses his family because if it’s a, if it’s a, Well, no, no, no, no, because if it’s a good, good, good, if it’s like a, if it’s an arranged marriage, they provide him with funds so that he can quote, unquote, take care of his wife. If you get the sending stone, you can either we could, you know, pretend to be him and get a whole bunch of funds. And then we could always give the sending stone to her. That way she could continue to get funds from them, even if he’s dead, because we just say he left he abandoned her like Forged right here is that body will turn ash and never find it.
Aerendyl: Oh, true. Oh, my goal for this is divorce papers.
Aerendyl: He’s going to sign it then disappear.
Aerendyl: Anyways, yeah, I’m just going to do that. I’m going to like, I’m going to like, there’s so much forage tools like pliers, all of that. I’m going to unwrap them all on the table, get them nice and centered out. And then I’m just going to sit down and wait for him to wake up. Angle the light.
Yinlare: This is like.
Yinlare: You’re like.
Yinlare: You’re like the dragon you’re like the dentist fucking putting down the little package and unwrapping the little package and all the little tools and wipe that tool off.
Yinlare: Yeah.
Yinlare: Was the request. Come and make me come and wake me either whenever it’s 730 or whenever you find the sunning stone because as we’ve established mimicking voices I’m kind of good at as we’ve established I’m kind of good at literally every skill check in the game. Funny how that works isn’t it butter. So we can just go and talk to them be like I need money we get a whole bunch of money we leave we go find my wife because I kind of want to like leave like tomorrow if possible.
Aerendyl: What’s the… Maybe not head, but I’ve definitely interrogated a lot.
Aerendyl: Yeah, that would have been me, probably, actually.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Mm-hmm.
Aerendyl: Yeah, it is.
Aerendyl: Oh, yeah.
Aerendyl: All righty.
Aerendyl: Yeah, I’m going to pull up the chair, and I’m just going to, like… It’s really like a bucket of water, too. I’m going to get a bucket of water, a nice hefty towel, get ready so I can waterboard him.
Yinlare: So.
Yinlare: But I hope you didn’t need sleep tonight because driving is going to sit here and role play the next 12 hours in details. Are we ending session after that or are we continuing going?
Aerendyl: Oh, I’m not.
Aerendyl: It won’t be 12 hours.
Aerendyl: I’m going to do
Aerendyl: it for a couple of hours. I’ll do it pretty fast. The max it’ll take is like 15-20 minutes if you don’t mind.
Aerendyl: This needs to happen.
Aerendyl: Alrighty.
Yinlare: Oh, I’m down.
Aerendyl: I’m okay with either option C or D because I’ve already thought the torture.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: As soon as Nate was yapping and doing his part, I was thinking. Because I knew where it was going to go.
Yinlare: Now here’s the thing.
Yinlare: I’m going to be completely straight. I personally, I really want to go play games with Helton because I have not played with Helton in a fucking minute. So I’m kind of down to end session. I know, Dragon, I know if you want to torture, you’re welcome to torture. Sit here for another, whatever, like five, ten minutes if you want to torture him. I am down for this Friday if we want to continue session on Friday. You can’t do Friday. Because it’s Friday night.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Can’t do Friday. Well, I might be able to do Friday, but is that fair to flux in them?
Yinlare: It’s, you know, 8.39.
Yinlare: Well, because they’ll just pick up Wednesdays, right?
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Then I guess I’m okay with that.
Aerendyl: They normally can’t do Fridays. Yeah, so I’m down for that if you want.
Aerendyl: I should be good.
Aerendyl: I’ll let you know beforehand if things change. I got my driver’s permit on Friday. And then I have, I got school that I gotta do because I have a test, I have a lot of tests due this week. I’m doing the driving, like the written test or like the multiple choice question thing.
Yinlare: Okay.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: The permit.
Aerendyl: I’m going to fail.
Yinlare: And you’re not getting.
Aerendyl: I don’t think they want to pay interns at the moment. All I know is they want me to drive for now, get used to it and then take a license test. I would like to torture him now, but since your character’s asleep, if you wanted to dip, you could, but then you’ll miss out on the juice. Well, it’s gonna be a little bit of that, a little bit of like, hey, I want you to sign these divorce papers that I just came up with. And there’s gonna be a little bit of like, I’m gonna pluck fingers, I’m gonna put fingers on, tweak that shit.
Yinlare: Okay, so, are we torturing him now or are we torturing him on Friday?
Yinlare: What is the juice going to be?
Yinlare: Because if it’s just going to be you prying the guy apart, I don’t really need to listen.
Yinlare: That’s awesome.
Yinlare: I’m just going to all that’s going to real shit. All that’s going to happen is I’m going to just kind of until I can get to a point where I fall asleep, I’m just going to kind of appear in random places of the house, shimmering like a Batman Mirage. If he ever looks up and sees me just kind of dead staring him and then vanishing. He’s not going to have eyes for much longer is what’s going to happen.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: And then I’m gonna saw his dick off. You I Maybe yeah, probably probably I don’t it’s not gonna take 20. I say like for me to do my fun probably Yeah, it’s gonna be like 15 minutes max Yeah.
Yinlare: Real shit.
Yinlare: Good.
Yinlare: Dwaygan, when you’re done here, can I convince you to come join us? Even if it’s just for a little bit, I think we’re going to play some Fortnite. Even if it’s just for not too long.
Yinlare: Okay, awesome.
Yinlare: I will see you in a bit then. What are we, how long are we thinking? Like another like 20, 30 minutes or like 5, 10?
Yinlare: Okay.
Yinlare: Awesome.
Yinlare: Awesome.
Yinlare: Then I’ll see you in a bit. Are you still fucking torturing this dude? Oh, what do you mean it’s getting good?
Aerendyl: Alrighty.
Aerendyl: Sorry.
Aerendyl: So Yeah, playing with my sticky stuff.
Aerendyl: No, you like it. No, but you like it.
Aerendyl: All righty, so as he’s kind of knocked out right now, um, I want to see if I can like tinker around and make some contraptions to like keep his eyes open. You know, like those little things are like little plier things that you put in the island and it opens it up.
Aerendyl: Yeah, I want to make those.
Aerendyl: Yeah, yeah, so if I can make those and by the time he’s knocked out, work him out a little bit.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: I’m gonna, he’s so like I’m assuming I have the chair set like away from everything.
Aerendyl: So as I’m working he can’t see it.
Aerendyl: Yeah, and then um, he can’t turn around.
Aerendyl: Remember?
Aerendyl: I mean, I’m just gonna do this. I’m gonna go to his, to his left ear and be like, vengeance.
Aerendyl: And there’s right here and be like, pain.
Aerendyl: And I’m going to both ears.
Aerendyl: You will feel them all.
Aerendyl: Poor.
Aerendyl: She was about to rape a child, most likely. Is it a chair that can turn or is it just a stable chair? It’s a chair that can turn. Okay, I’m going to turn him.
Aerendyl: I’m going to turn him and she’s going to be like, hey, buddy.
Aerendyl: You’re awake.
Aerendyl: Are you ready for some fun? I’m going to take the gag off. Oh, you know, torture, dismemberment. I might cut your dick off.
Aerendyl: And then death.
DM: You know what?
DM: Bye.
DM: Thank you very much.
DM: Thank you very much.
Aerendyl: Well, is the money in here?
DM: He was at the, uh, home base for too long and the portal closed.
DM: Uh, he has…
DM: Is it money that you want?
DM: I can get you money. Well, no, no, but I can get it.
Aerendyl: Well, then you’re dying.
Aerendyl: You’re dying, sweetie.
DM: So, okay, I have a…
Aerendyl: I’m sorry. Don’t worry. You still got like seven more hours to live, but you’re not going to want to live by then. Where? Where is it? Is it your home with your wife that I met earlier today?
DM: Wait, no, no, no, I have a…
DM: Wait, wait, wait, I have a small stash of money. He’s not much…
DM: No, no, no, you didn’t…
DM: The money, okay. You go to the front counter, and you look at the floorboard.
DM: One of the wooden pieces, it kind of moves.
Aerendyl: 12.
DM: You can pick it up, and then in there, I have 12 gold coins. They’re all yours if you let me live.
Aerendyl: Oh, honey. You needed at least 13 to live. That’s not worth an extra gold coin. And even if it did, the price just went up.
DM: Take everything in my shop. Well, I need to get you money.
Aerendyl: You need 15 gold coins now.
DM: You can’t move, but I can.
Aerendyl: Well, what did what did your daughter say whenever you hit her? Please know, we don’t have to do this.
DM: I need to get you money.
DM: Please, we don’t have to do this.
DM: I…
DM: I…
DM: No, no, I…
Aerendyl: What was that?
Aerendyl: Is that what’s happening here? Oh, you would never- Well, I saw them earlier and um, they spilled their secrets. They told me everything.
DM: I…
DM: I would never…
DM: It would…
DM: No, it would… She fell on the stairs. It’s not what you think.
Aerendyl: Oh, no, no, no.
Aerendyl: See, I saw the look of disgust in their eyes when they were talking about you. They don’t like you. Um, arranged marriages is kind of shit, don’t you think? Um, anyways, if you want to live, tell me where your family is and I’ll kill them too. Not, not your wife and child, like your family that arranged this marriage.
DM: I…
DM: What?
Aerendyl: Where they at?
DM: No.
Aerendyl: Where are they? What’s their names? Who are they?
Aerendyl: Are they rich?
Aerendyl: They’re not rich? Well, I guess you’re not really much value to me. And I’m gonna like stoke the fire of day and like, oh, oh, it’s looking good. I’m gonna gonna let it heat up more.
DM: Okay.
DM: Okay.
DM: Okay.
DM: Wait. They have some money. They can get you money. I mean… They’ve got some capital. They have a farm on the outskirts of town.
Aerendyl: What is some and do they have it now because I need it now.
Aerendyl: A farm.
Aerendyl: Oh, so they’re country bumpkins that don’t have shit I see see inflation hit this town pretty recently.
DM: No.
DM: They manage a farm. Farms make a lot of money. I don’t know if you noticed.
Aerendyl: Uh huh.
Aerendyl: Well, yeah.
DM: Winter weather.
Aerendyl: Oh, you know what also happens in the winter?
DM: A lot of crops.
DM: So gross.
DM: A lot of money in the business. Okay, nope.
Aerendyl: Discord was perfect for me. I could see you perfectly. Now my camera’s bit rate is so shit. Oh, it was yours. Well, now it’s me too. It’s because my camera’s shit. Oh, interesting.
DM: It’s back. It’s back.
DM: It’s back.
DM: Okay.
DM: I think it was our internet just died for a minute.
DM: Yeah.
DM: Oh, because that get disconnected from POE too.
DM: Oh crap.
DM: Hang on.
Aerendyl: There we go.
DM: Hang
DM: on. Hang on. Hang on.
Aerendyl: Everything’s fine. But you can hear me now, though, right?
DM: Hang on.
DM: Hang on. For the record father. on when. Let’s do
Aerendyl: All righty.
DM: this. Alright.
DM: Thank you for watching.
DM: You Thank you very much.
DM: Thank
DM: you very much. Thank you very much.
DM: Thank you very much.
DM: somewhere along the line. Thank you very much.
Aerendyl: You know what else happens in the winter?
DM: The module.
DM: It’s probably been a minute.
Aerendyl: People go missing in the winter sometimes. And it’d be a shame if this nice woman and her child were to become a widow and an orphan, half-orphan, because their father just decided to die to cold-related symptoms. Of course, they won’t see the body, because the body won’t be there. Can we?
DM: Okay, we can do it later.
DM: No, I’m just, they, they certainly do. They certainly do.
DM: But, but, but, but.
DM: Yes, certainly would be a shame. Well, but, well, hang on, you know, it, it certainly would be a shame, but we can, we can rectify this, you know, my parents, they have some money, you know, I mean, I mean, what do you need? I’m sure it can be arranged. It’s not about the money, Batman. no he immediately shuts up just to try and spot you And now he looks conflicted on what he should do.
Aerendyl: Yeah, they do.
Aerendyl: Well, you want to know the funny thing about money is?
Aerendyl: I’m not here for money.
Aerendyl: You see, you see, I don’t what’s the word. I don’t want money.
Aerendyl: I want some some fun.
Aerendyl: And I find this to be very amusing for what it can be. And it can be a fun time for both parties if you’re into it.
Aerendyl: So come on.
Aerendyl: Just calm down, relax, and just accept what you’re going to take. I put the muzzle back over.
Aerendyl: Oh, yes.
Aerendyl: Scream louder. I enjoy it.
Aerendyl: Yeah, I lied.
Aerendyl: I don’t. I don’t enjoy it.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: And now I bet you’re thinking in your head, what do I do to make this guy not kill me? Well, let me tell you, it’s not possible. I grab out the stick that’s currently heating up, the metal pokey stick, and I’m going to open up his like, he probably has like some like jeans on or some, I’m going to pull up and be like, okay, here, here or here, you choose. And I point to like the shin, knee, thigh.
DM: Yeah.
DM: Yeah.
DM: He just, he just goes.
Aerendyl: What was that?
Aerendyl: I’m sorry.
Aerendyl: I can’t hear you.
DM: The foot.
Aerendyl: Oh, sorry.
Aerendyl: What?
Aerendyl: The foot.
Aerendyl: The knee it is.
DM: Yeah, you just just Yep.
Aerendyl: Yeah, I can imagine it.
Aerendyl: And by the way, that wasn’t like a side knee that was like poking into the knee.
Aerendyl: Poking into the knee and then I’m gonna take it out. Just let it let it cauterize a bit. You’re like on a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?
DM: Yep.
DM: Yep.
DM: Yeah, he’s crying.
Aerendyl: Oh, you poor child.
Aerendyl: Put the gag back on.
DM: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Um, um, so just to give them some extra flair, I’m gonna start revving the chainsaw sword and be like, all righty. Do you care about your arm, leg, leg, or arm? Which one do you care about the most? Arms or legs?
DM: Poor child.
DM: Shh.
DM: Arms.
Aerendyl: A gag off. So you care about your arms.
Aerendyl: Is it because you make such good quality blacksmithing materials? Do you blacksmith so good that you need your arms?
DM: Yeah, I need.
Aerendyl: No one buys your shit. So I say the arms can go. I think you need feet so you can run away and hear in your dreams.
DM: He’s terrified of saying the wrong thing. Like he starts like multiple sentences and then abandons on all of them.
Aerendyl: It’s okay.
Aerendyl: This is a safe space. This is a safe space for words just not your body.
DM: Can I share something real quick?
DM: This is literally all I can think of for what you’re doing. It’s just over and over again.
Aerendyl: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Um, next thing I’m going to do is, um, Do you want to be part of a little experiment? Let’s, um, so one, two, three, four, five. You have all your fingers.
DM: Wait.
Aerendyl: I don’t.
Aerendyl: So let’s do a little test. And I’m just gonna, I’m going to take the pinky of his left hand. We’re like, this is going to hurt a lot. And you’re going to lose a pinky.
DM: Wait.
DM: Bro, why are you enjoying this as much as you are?
Aerendyl: Because he deserves it.
DM: You know what?
DM: I’m going to give you a negative inspiration point.
Aerendyl: How dare you?
DM: You know what?
Aerendyl: Can I not be a little chaotic evil for a man who’s weird? Alrighty.
DM: No.
DM: No.
DM: I love it. Alright. Alright. You’ll get a sin point.
DM: Alright.
DM: The point in the future, I can just decide, no, you have to re-roll. Sorry, whenever you torture a man for 12 hours, there has to be a consequence from God.
Aerendyl: Next thing I’m gonna do is… I’m gonna see if I can hook up one of my old pinkies that I had from my old hand, like my bad hand that I replaced.
DM: Uh-huh.
DM: Uh-huh.
Aerendyl: And I’m just gonna be like, how do I make this work? I’m just gonna start drilling into the hole of the pinky bone. Um, and I’m just gonna like, can you move your pinky now?
DM: Uh-huh.
DM: But I literally just thought of you like just going right, here we go, we have a nice piggy. He just looks at you, he just, with the, he looks at you as though you are clinging. Just like, of course I can’t move my pinky, you just cut it off you idiot. That’s the, that’s the way he’s looking at you.
Aerendyl: He can’t.
Aerendyl: It’s not it’s not I can see by your look that um, clearly the experiment didn’t work. I guess we’re gonna have to do some trial and error and do it on all 10 fingers.
DM: You’re so evil.
Aerendyl: I’m just gonna cut them all off repeatedly.
DM: Just out of curiosity, are we trying to treat the blood loss or are we just accepting it at this point? Of course, of course, of course. Of course, of course.
Aerendyl: Oh yeah, I’m gonna cauterize every wound. I don’t care about infections, he ain’t gonna live to notice it.
Aerendyl: So as I do that, all of his fingers are now gone. I’m gonna put him in a bucket, by the way, because my plan is to make him a burger of his own food and eat it. Okay, now that that’s done.
DM: Was no one expecting that?
DM: I can tell.
Aerendyl: You wanted heinous shit.
Aerendyl: I’m giving you heinous shit. Next thing I’m going to do is now I’m going to start like drilling into every single joint, putting fingers in there, making him up, making him up, pop it. I’m like, all right, can you move any of them? Shake your head, man.
DM: Yeah?
DM: He just kind of looks at you and then he like goes to shake his head, but then he can’t because the stick and rope and so he says, uh-uh.
Aerendyl: Come on.
Aerendyl: Pull up the other thing.
Aerendyl: Say something.
DM: I can’t move him.
Aerendyl: Come on.
Aerendyl: You’re enjoying this, aren’t you, Belle? If you say yes, you might live. You’re you’re enjoying it. You’re enjoying this. If you’re enjoying this, then we can continue.
DM: Yeah, yeah, I can move him.
DM: Yes.
DM: Wait.
Aerendyl: Put the gag back on.
DM: I can move him.
Aerendyl: You know what? We can save that for last. Save that one for last last. I’m going to cut off a foot with a saw.
DM: He’s the whole foot.
Aerendyl: Not a sword swing, not a swipe, not clean and easy.
DM: Oh, oh, okay. So we’re talking Jagged Edge is like, like. Yeah, of course he does. Oh my gosh, that is so serial killer vibes.
Aerendyl: I’m talking I want to rev that shit into his foot.
Aerendyl: Chainsaw.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Actually, wait, does he have like one of those like wooden saws that you use to?
Aerendyl: I’m just going to I’m just going to get like a marker and mark it and just be like, OK, I’m going to cut there.
Aerendyl: Go up a bit and just start not cutting on the line.
Aerendyl: And then what I’m going to do is I’m going to bring because I have my metal hand. I can just bring like a hot log that’s been sitting there.
DM: Oh my gosh.
Aerendyl: And I’m just going to put it on the thing to cauterize the wound. Put the foot in the bucket. Save that for later. Yummy. And then at this point, I’m gonna look him dead in the eyes. And just be like, I’m gonna take off the gag. So at this point, would you say that you’ve done a lot of bad things in your life to your family? Would you say that?
DM: Oh
DM: my gosh. Mm hmm.
DM: I mean I wasn’t the best dad. I certainly could have done better.
Aerendyl: Did you beat your daughter?
DM: But she misbehaved.
Aerendyl: How did she misbehave? Did your parents ever do that to you when you lied as a child? Would you consider them good parents for doing that? But would you consider them parents? Oh, oh, we finally agree on something.
DM: I mean usual stuff, you know, lying and such.
DM: I mean, they certainly weren’t bad parents. Yes, sometimes sacrifices must be made.
DM: Things have to happen.
Aerendyl: Sacrifices do need to be made, and sometimes they just need to happen.
DM: Wait a minute.
Aerendyl: Just like you, leaving this plane of earth and going to hell where you belong for the rest of your days, eternally suffering in pain. No, I understood perfectly. I just hope that you can come to terms when you are sitting in the blazes of hell, just eating up that sauna, you know, burning alive. You know, actually, that’s a good idea to end your suffering. I could burn you on a steak.
DM: I think you misunderstood. Wait a minute.
DM: Wait a minute.
DM: Wait a minute.
Aerendyl: How do you feel?
Aerendyl: Or at least like burn your arm.
DM: No.
Aerendyl: Just like, give you a taste of what it’ll feel like, you know?
Aerendyl: Do you want that?
Aerendyl: You don’t want that?
Aerendyl: Well that just makes me want to give it to you even more.
DM: What is the answer here?
Aerendyl: There is no answer.
Aerendyl: I’m just messing with you. I like seeing you confused and stumbling as you approach your death rapidly. So what I’m gonna need from you is to shut the fuck up, put the gag back in, and accept everything that is about to happen. Starting with your ears. I’m gonna cut your left ear off.
DM: Oh, that’s horrible.
Aerendyl: Slowly.
Aerendyl: Very slowly.
Aerendyl: And this is butter. I’m gonna hold the ear back, and I’m just gonna do this.
Aerendyl: And then butter.
DM: Oh, that’s what I was supposed to think about. Oh my gosh, why are you like this, bro? Not the cauterizing the wound every five seconds.
Aerendyl: I’m gonna do this.
Aerendyl: And then I’m gonna do it slow again.
Aerendyl: And then I’m gonna do about halfway, and then I’m just gonna do this.
Aerendyl: I’m gonna peel it off now, and I’m just gonna cut down the rest, get it off, put it in the bucket.
Aerendyl: And of course, we gotta cauterize the wound. Can’t have this man bleeding out.
Aerendyl: So this is what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna take off my hand and put on my old shitty hand, and I’m just gonna let it sit in the fire for a bit.
Aerendyl: Let it heat up, and then I’m just gonna hold his hand on one hand, and then the other ear that I burnt off, it’s just…
DM: What is wrong with you?
Aerendyl: And by that point, you know, I think I’ve had majority of fun. I’m gonna take off the gag and be like, I’m just gonna knock on his head. Can you still hear me, buddy? Now, you’re gonna tell me where your shitty-ass parents live, because I don’t want them taking custody of their grandchild.
DM: What is
Aerendyl: Speak up, buddy!
DM: wrong with you? Will you stop if I tell you?
Aerendyl: Does it hurt that badly? I guess I can make an exception.
DM: Will you stop if I tell you? Will you stop if I tell you?
Aerendyl: Do you feel it?
Aerendyl: And do you have like a piece of memorabilia for me that, you know, will let them know that you sent me there?
DM: Will you stop if I tell you?
DM: Will you stop if I tell you?
Aerendyl: Oh!
Aerendyl: So in the bucket!
Aerendyl: Okay, let me just go looking through it.
Aerendyl: There it is! Oh, not even gold? That’s sad. You must have had it tough growing up with your abusive parents and then started abusing your wife and daughter.
DM: Yeah, so I learned my lesson.
Aerendyl: You must have had it real tough.
Aerendyl: Hmm.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
DM: Yeah,
DM: so I learned my lesson. I’m sorry. You know, just let me go. I gave my parents… You said it would be over.
Aerendyl: You learned your lesson.
Aerendyl: Oh.
Aerendyl: Oh.
Aerendyl: Oh.
Aerendyl: I said I could make an exception. Not that I would.
DM: Right.
Aerendyl: You see, you’re what I like to call scum of the earth.
Aerendyl: You don’t deserve to live. You don’t deserve to breathe.
Aerendyl: In fact, you don’t deserve to have a family you call wife and daughter. Or father and mother. You don’t deserve that. Have you not understood? This whole time I said from the beginning, you’re gonna die. No you haven’t. You see, a little girl walked in here. And you, you decided to drug her? What were you gonna do to her? I was watching. I was in the corner, invisible. I saw, I saw your grin, malice. I saw you lock the door and the chain. You know, no one can hear you all the way up here. I would suggest you stop lying.
DM: But I’ve been very cooperative. You No, no, no, you misunderstand me.
DM: It’s…
DM: No.
DM: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the, the, the you could.
Aerendyl: Because if you, if you don’t, I’ll make this go on for another hour before I put you out of your misery.
Aerendyl: Or what I could do is just leave you tied up here to let you starve to death or die of infection.
DM: Okay.
Aerendyl: No one’s gonna check on you.
Aerendyl: Your wife and daughter, they don’t even care about you. They’ve never loved you for a second of your life. Do you expect me to believe that?
DM: Okay.
DM: Okay.
DM: Honest.
DM: Honest. I wasn’t going to do anything too bad.
DM: I was just putting her to sleep so I could easily move her and bring her to the guard post. I’m not good with children, see.
DM: Well, it’s mostly the truth. Kind of ish. Well, maybe not exactly, you know. I mean, maybe something else would have happened first, but, you know, who’s to say, you know. Depends on who you ask, I mean.
Aerendyl: Is that the truth?
Aerendyl: Do you swear on everything you hold dear, including your own life, that you’re telling the truth?
Aerendyl: Oh, so you would venture to say that you’re putting your life on the line here saying that you’re telling the truth.
Aerendyl: And that if you’re lying, you’re gonna die.
Aerendyl: Oh, so it’s not the truth.
Aerendyl: Oh, and would that something else be very inappropriate for a child to go through?
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Well, let me ask you this. Would you consider this whole confrontation inappropriate? You know, me cutting off your fingers, limbs, all of that. Would you consider that inappropriate? It’s a shame, because I thought you were enjoying it.
DM: Oh, I will.
DM: I. Yes.
DM: Well.
Aerendyl: Early on, you seemed very enthusiastic about it, but now you’ve kind of dulled it down a bit.
Aerendyl: It’s kind of sad.
DM: I I I I I fear you you misunderstood I died I don’t really know and enjoy.
Aerendyl: Oh, you don’t enjoy this! Well, that just makes it to where I can show you my hobby now, and maybe you’ll learn to enjoy it. You see, I’ve been alive for a long time.
DM: No.
DM: Hang on hang on I’m so sorry. Any green items you use them and they’re permanent buffs. Oh I thought you how are you how are you how are you near the end of act one is they don’t know that.
Aerendyl: You’re good.
Aerendyl: Some are permanent buffs, and then some…
Aerendyl: Okay.
Aerendyl: Some are permanent buffs, others are quest items you gotta take into somebody else.
DM: That is also true.
Aerendyl: Some of them can be stuff to earn your sentency points.
DM: Green items are usually something that’s either a permanent buff or a quest item. I’m sorry, did you say 135? Definitely got it, bro.
Aerendyl: I’ve been alive for a decent amount of years. I’ve, you know, joined my military. I’ve interrogated, I use quotation marks, I’ve interrogated a lot of people. I have a kind of a track record going. It’s currently a 0 to 135. That means zero have walked away, alive. And I gotta keep that flawless record. That needs to go to 136.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Are you writing that down that I’ve tortured and killed 135 people?
DM: You know it.
DM: Hang on.
DM: That’s now official canon lore.
DM: All right.
DM: Bullet points. Has. Interrogated. 135.
Aerendyl: 35 so far. I gotta keep that track record going. You wouldn’t want to be the only one to get away. You don’t want to hurt my flawless record, right? Surely you, a nice guy, would never do anything shady, suspicious, or evil, right? Oh, you wouldn’t, so you accept this. Well, um… As he’s yapping, I’m gonna take away the smile that I’ve had this whole time, and give him like a cold thousand-yard stare and just say, I don’t want to fucking hear your voice anymore.
DM: Okay.
DM: Okay.
DM: Got it.
DM: Got it.
DM: Got it.
DM: Got it.
DM: Got
DM: it. You know.
DM: Interrogated in quotations, obviously. I mean, no, I wouldn’t have, no, wait, no, no, no, but see, see, see, see, I don’t, I don’t think, you know, it’s necessarily a bad thing for the streak to end, you know, He just like immediately stops talking. And then you can see him just try to think of a way to convince you not to kill him without talking.
Aerendyl: Shut the fuck up.
Aerendyl: You can think all you want.
Aerendyl: Your eyes will be closed eternally after this night. You’ll wake up tomorrow.
Aerendyl: Probably in hell.
DM: Bro, that’s so brutal.
Aerendyl: Or heaven. It depends on what they think.
Aerendyl: Um.
Aerendyl: As like a parting gift, should I give your head to your wife?
DM: No.
Aerendyl: Don’t answer that.
Aerendyl: Anyways, so as I’ve gotten written down by notes, your family is semi-richly on a farm. Your parents aren’t probably going to live a long life after this, so maybe you’ll see them in the lobby waiting room down there.
DM: Every time you think of a halfway decent response, you’re just like, don’t answer that. I, I, I I honestly acknowledge that some of my actions throughout my I haven’t even said it. I haven’t I, I will say that That Some of my actions throughout my long life have not been up to the moral standard that you may have wanted of me.
Aerendyl: You got 12 gold coins under there.
Aerendyl: I’ll take it. This place is going to be burned down? Is this in the will for your child? Will your child one day become a blacksmith? Or did you beat her into submission so much that she couldn’t think for herself?
Aerendyl: Don’t answer that.
Aerendyl: Um And lastly, um Do you have any last words? I say last words now, but this is gonna go on for a little longer I just want to know before I gag and kill you You can speak you can actually say now like any last words you? Repent at all. Do you actually feel bad for what you’ve done?
Aerendyl: Is it just kind of just like you’re innocent and you just want to live because you’re a coward? Tell me the honest truth and I might let you live.
Aerendyl: No, you’re lying. So you said some.
Aerendyl: Yeah, buddy.
Aerendyl: Mm, up to.
Aerendyl: We’ll see.
Aerendyl: See, this is why I don’t love your filthy race of humans. So stupid. The way you think with your short, feeble minds. You live such a short life that you make so many dumb fucking mistakes and you just don’t care. I will never truly understand your stupid fucking race. See, us elves, we only have one small issue. That’s dark elves. But, gosh, some of you humans are so fucking annoying. You don’t stop yapping, I’m gonna live, I wanna live, I don’t care if I be my child, I don’t care if I give my life. I got life so bad, do you want money? Let me live, I’ll pay you whatever you need.
DM: You You You You You You Wait wait wait I have new final words.
Aerendyl: Bullshit.
Aerendyl: You just wanna live, you stupid fucking coward. Anyways, now that we’re done with that little pep talk.
Aerendyl: I say it’s off with your two arms, so you can’t move anymore.
Aerendyl: I say it’s off with your two legs, so you kind of just stump. Rolling around in the wind. It’s like one of those little midget dwarves that are just like, yeah, I’m gonna get you. And I say I cut your tongue out so that I can’t hear any fucking words come out of your stupid filthy mouth. Yeah, do you finally have some more words, you filthy, filthy, like, un, you know, what’s the word?
DM: He’s like two minutes into his 12-hour session. It generally is. He’s literally asking for a swift death at this point.
Aerendyl: I have a sore.
Aerendyl: What do the humans use?
Aerendyl: Primitive?
Aerendyl: Stupid primitive mouth? It’s, hey, it’s getting good.
Aerendyl: It’s about to end.
Yinlare: Hurry it along, dude.
Aerendyl: It’s about to end. It’s actually about to end.
Yinlare: Okay. Okay.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
DM: But yeah, that’s only what he does.
Aerendyl: What was it?
DM: He literally goes, Okay, please.
Aerendyl: What was that?
DM: I have come to terms with my death. Just go ahead and do it. There’s no need for all of the depravity. There’s no need. I’ve acknowledged my wrongdoings. I’ve come to terms with my death.
Aerendyl: See, what I was going to do is I was going to cut off your arms, your legs, I’m going to cut out your tongue so you kind of can’t like say anything. I’m going to tie you up and just let you die to like starvation or like infection. You know, get sick, die.
Aerendyl: Yeah, that’s the problem.
Aerendyl: You’ve come to terms with your death.
Aerendyl: Now I kinda wanna let you live and just… DUMBLE AROUND AS A LEGLESS ARML DUMBLE AROUND AS A LEGL You SHIT STAIN in this world. Of course, I’m not going to let that happen, because…
Aerendyl: I already told you you were gonna die. And you deserve it.
Aerendyl: You deserve to die. You deserve for the hell, you deserve for everything, everything, everything in this world, you deserve it.
DM: I’ve come to terms with my death.
Aerendyl: So…
Aerendyl: This is what I’m gonna do. You’re gonna go missing tomorrow. Your wife’s gonna move out.
Aerendyl: Leave this town.
Aerendyl: To get away from your stupid fucking in-laws, cause geez.
Aerendyl: Geez.
Aerendyl: I feel bad for her.
Aerendyl: Some- I- You know what?
Aerendyl: I also feel bad for you.
Aerendyl: That’s a lie. Anyways, um, yeah. So off with the arms, the legs, and the tongue. I’m gonna cut them off now.
DM: Okay, the woman was too stunned to speak.
Aerendyl: So, have fun! And I just start cutting them off.
Aerendyl: Yep.
Aerendyl: The woman?
DM: That’s just the quote.
Aerendyl: Oh, my man.
Aerendyl: Um, and then after after all those are gone, he’s just like a, as Venom would say, like a, like a turd in the wind. Um, yeah, now he’s kind of just there, slowly fading out. Um, and then, um, as like a final, like hoorah and like a nod to the last time I did this.
DM: Nope.
DM: The door.
DM: He’s just there.
DM: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Uh, I’m going to move his like armless legless corpse onto the ground.
Aerendyl: Let him look at the chainsaw blade, rev it. And slowly, I’m going to start with the nose and just like slowly get through the nose. Let the eyes see it.
DM: Well, at least you didn’t leave him there to starve to death or die of syphilis. Couldn’t risk the guards finding that one. So if I may ask, what’s the post operation procedure look like?
Aerendyl: And I ran.
Aerendyl: Dead.
Aerendyl: Well, we had to go in the morning, so…
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Uh.
Aerendyl: So yeah.
Aerendyl: Post-operation?
Aerendyl: Um.
Aerendyl: So post-operation will be…
DM: Mm hmm.
Aerendyl: I’m gonna craft a bag of holding.
Aerendyl: A separate bag of holding.
Aerendyl: A new one.
Aerendyl: I’m gonna put his corpse in there. I’m gonna keep his ring.
Aerendyl: Put it in my, like, actual bag.
DM: Basically, every piece of evidence that could tie you even remotely to a crime goes in that bag of holding.
Aerendyl: I’m just gonna put everything in a bag of holding. The whole shebang. The materials that I want to keep, I’m gonna put into, like, my actual bag of holding. But this separate corpse bag of holding, it’s just gonna be his corpse. A lot of, like, the cleanup materials, towels, and stuff like that that have a lot of blood on them.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: In that bag of holding.
DM: Okay.
Aerendyl: Yeah, that’s pretty much all I’m gonna do. I didn’t want to make him eat, you know, a human burger. That would have been too far, I think. I really didn’t want to, like, you know, chop up human, make a patty. Although I do have that fresh bread still. Could have made a bun with that.
DM: You know, I think we disagree on that.
DM: I see.
Aerendyl: Uh, yeah, no, yeah, he’s dead now, uh, in a bag of holding.
DM: Yeah.
Aerendyl: And that’s my torture. I’m sorry that took longer than I thought it would.
DM: Oh, it’s fine. So did I. No, not the slightest. I mean, I’m just mindlessly clicking on POE to following my dad around.
Aerendyl: I had fun, though.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Are you weirded out by me at all now? You see, that’s the only time I really get to let my dark side out.
Aerendyl: Yeah, I know.
Aerendyl: And I loved it.
DM: Okay.
Aerendyl: It’s perfect.
DM: Cause I, cause my brain can follow here, but my, I can still like just waddle around and press E and R over and over again. That was a very good session.
Aerendyl: Oh, yeah.
Aerendyl: Oh, yeah.
Aerendyl: Oh, yeah.
Aerendyl: But yeah, that’s that. That was a great session.
Aerendyl: Um, just so you know, Arendelle normally isn’t like this.
Aerendyl: Um, he puts on a show most of the time.
DM: Of course.
Aerendyl: But when it’s like a complete absolute shitbag, you can expect this 24-7. So, and a dark elf.
DM: I would expect nothing less. No, it is true. Thank you for being here. I say even though you’ve been here every single time, which thank you so much for your perfect attendance record. Better than the DM showing up, by the way.
Aerendyl: You know.
Aerendyl: Let me get it.
Aerendyl: What’s the difference?
Aerendyl: Um, but yeah.
Aerendyl: Thanks for the session.
Aerendyl: It was fun.
Aerendyl: Yeah.
Aerendyl: Hey.
Aerendyl: If I say I’m gonna be there.
Aerendyl: Shit, I’ma be there. Real shit. Real shit.
Aerendyl: Um.
Aerendyl: I do have a question to ask.
DM: Yes, sir? Uh-huh.
Aerendyl: So.
Aerendyl: Um. You can call this a mistake, or you’ll be fine with it. But, um.
Aerendyl: I am.
Aerendyl: As I was visiting my brother.
Aerendyl: To help him out with his new house.
Aerendyl: This last week.
Aerendyl: Uh.
Aerendyl: He was playing Minecraft with my other brother.
DM: Uh-huh.
Aerendyl: It was.
Aerendyl: Cause he has a Playstation, so they played Bedrock Edition.
DM: If you’re about to ask, is there a way to get better condition on your Steam back?
Aerendyl: Well it’s not that.
DM: The answer is yes.
Aerendyl: My question was.
Aerendyl: He was like, it’d be cool if we could all play together without having to buy a realm.
DM: Yes.
Aerendyl: Is it possible to set up a server for Bedrock? And would you mind if I asked to set up a server sometime for Bedrock? Yeah?
DM: Sure.
DM: Yeah.
DM: Um, I will say that you have two options. Um, first of all, hang on. Let me press this magic button.