Rules of Business

1. Once you have their money, you never give it back.
2. Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
3. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
4. Keep your eyes open.
5. Small print leads to large risk.
6. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
7. Greed is eternal.
8. A deal is a deal.
9. A contract is a contract is a contract… but only when magically enforced.
10. A businessman without profit is no businessman at all.
11. Never place friendship above profit.
12. A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
13. Nothing is more important than your health… except for your money.
14. Never make fun of a businessman’s mother.
15. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
16. War is good for business.
17. Peace is good for business.
18. Expand or die (also rule 28).
19. Don’t trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
20. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
21. Good customers are as rare as gold. Treasure them.
22. Free advice is seldom cheap.
23. The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
24. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of gold.
25. Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
26. Your boss is only worth what he pays you.
27. Monsters and finances don’t mix.
28. Expand or die (also rule 18).
29. Every man has his price.
30. Nature decays, but gold lasts forever.
31. Sleep can interfere with profit.
32. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
33. Treat people in your debt like family… exploit them.
34. Never have sex with the boss’s sister.
35. You can’t make a deal if you’re dead.
36. Friends serve, family inherit.
37. Whisper your way to success.
38. Hear all, trust nothing.
39. It’s always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
40. New customers are like sirens. They can be attractive, but sometimes they bite back.
41. Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.
42. Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don’t hesitate to step on them.
43. Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
44. You can’t free a fish from water.
45. Idle hands is your wallets worst nightmare
46. Gold lasts longer than lust.
47. Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
48. Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for gold.
49. No good deed ever goes unpunished.
50. Shoot first, count profits later.
51. A man is only worth the sum of his possessions.
52. The devil’s in the details—make them favor you.
53. Know when to play the long game and when not to.
54. The alchemy of negotiation: transform ‘no’ into ‘yes’.
55. The quieter you are, the more you know; the more you know, the better the profits.
56. A man’s true character is revealed in a crisis—use crises to your advantage.
57. Fortune favors the bold, but also those who can calculate the odds.
58. The more you know about your competition, the better you can outmaneuver them.
59. A well-timed gift can be worth more than gold.
60. In matters of business, as in chess, think several moves ahead.
61. The market’s ebb and flow are like the tides; learn to swim with them.
62. He who controls the media, controls the minds.
63. In the game of business, all players have a role; know yours and play it well.
64. The finest armor can be breached with enough firepower.
65. A man’s word is his bond—until it stops being profitable to honor it.
66. The pen is mightier than the sword, but only if the words are chosen wisely.
67. Never underestimate the power of a well-timed apology.
68. In the dance of commerce, step lightly on the toes of your rivals.
69. A wise man knows when to play the fool.
70. The most secure vault can be opened with the right key—or the wrong one if you’re clever enough.
71. The road to wealth is paved with both innovation and imitation.
72. The art of negotiation: make them think they got what they wanted.
73. A man’s true wealth is measured by his influence, not just his assets.
74. The strongest foundation for business is built on alliances and trust (which you can exploit).
75. The sweetest nectar often hides a bitter truth.
76. He who holds the gold makes the rules (unless you’re cleverer).
77. A man’s legacy is carved not just in stone, but in the annals of his business dealings.
78. The most dangerous weapon is one hidden behind a smile.